Wedding Party

Bridal Party Help

theknot360193theknot360193
Third Anniversary First Comment
member
edited March 4 in Wedding Party

My Fiancé’s oldest brother (he has 3 brothers, 1 sister) has been dating a girl on and off for a few years now and is apparently going to propose within the next few weeks, meaning she will be the only SIL not involved in the wedding party. They aren’t engaged yet but several of his family members have asked if I’m going to ask her to be included since I asked 2 out of 3 of my FH’s brother’s wives to be part of the wedding since it’s just what his family does. 

To make things more complicated, one of my fiancé’s groomsmen dropped out this week due to financial issues so we are already one groomsman short without considering my (potential) future sister in law. 

We waited a while to ask the bridal party and have not started with any sort of planning just yet in terms of attire/ day of plans. Our wedding is in late October of this year. 

Re: Bridal Party Help

  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited March 3
    Lindsb93 said:

    My Fiancé’s oldest brother (he has 3 brothers, 1 sister) has been dating a girl for a few years now and is apparently going to propose within the next few weeks, meaning she will be the only SIL not involved in the wedding party. (Note: this will be his second marriage very shortly after his divorce). All this time I have been upset about not asking my really good friend to be in the wedding bc we don’t have an even amount of people, and now I’m feeling pressure to ask my future brother in law’s girlfriend to be a bridesmaid. Even though I like her, I’m not very close with her and for so long was worried about even asking her Incase she and my fiancé’s brothers broke up in the future since their relationship has been filled with drama from the start. They aren’t even engaged yet but several of his family members have asked if I’m going to ask her to be included since I asked 2 out of 3 of my FH’s brother’s wives to be part of the wedding (one of which I’m not close with at all) since it’s just what his family does. 

    To make things more complicated, one of my fiancé’s groomsmen dropped out this week due to financial issues so we are already one groomsman short without considering my (potential) future sister in law. My fiancé doesn’t have anyone else he can ask and doesn’t want to have an uneven bridal party. We had been talking about it for months since I have a really good friend I’ve been wishing i could include but couldn’t because of the uneven number, so now it seems frustrating to have to include someone I’m not as close with over someone i speak to on a daily basis and is a great friend. I need some input on what I should do because I’m so torn because I don’t want anyone’s feelings to be hurt.

    There is absolutely NO REASON to have even numbers in your wedding parties.  The idea is insulting to your attendants.  They are not chorus line members who are there for your pictures.  They are your closest friends and relatives whom you want to stand next to you while you say your vows.  You NEVER ask someone to "fill in" a spot to make the numbers even!

    YOU get to choose your bridesmaids.  Nobody else.
    Your fiance gets to choose his attendants.  Nobody else.  Not even YOU.
    Anyone who asks to be in your wedding party, or asks that someone else be included, is being very rude and completely out of line.  Just say "No."

    Your comment about your FBIL's former marriage and his upcoming plans is very judgemental.  Now, STOP IT!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    InLoveInQueensahoywedding
  • Lindsb93 said:

    My Fiancé’s oldest brother (he has 3 brothers, 1 sister) has been dating a girl for a few years now and is apparently going to propose within the next few weeks, meaning she will be the only SIL not involved in the wedding party. (Note: this will be his second marriage very shortly after his divorce). All this time I have been upset about not asking my really good friend to be in the wedding bc we don’t have an even amount of people, and now I’m feeling pressure to ask my future brother in law’s girlfriend to be a bridesmaid. Even though I like her, I’m not very close with her and for so long was worried about even asking her Incase she and my fiancé’s brothers broke up in the future since their relationship has been filled with drama from the start. They aren’t even engaged yet but several of his family members have asked if I’m going to ask her to be included since I asked 2 out of 3 of my FH’s brother’s wives to be part of the wedding (one of which I’m not close with at all) since it’s just what his family does. 

    To make things more complicated, one of my fiancé’s groomsmen dropped out this week due to financial issues so we are already one groomsman short without considering my (potential) future sister in law. My fiancé doesn’t have anyone else he can ask and doesn’t want to have an uneven bridal party. We had been talking about it for months since I have a really good friend I’ve been wishing i could include but couldn’t because of the uneven number, so now it seems frustrating to have to include someone I’m not as close with over someone i speak to on a daily basis and is a great friend. I need some input on what I should do because I’m so torn because I don’t want anyone’s feelings to be hurt.

    First, bridal parties don’t have to be even. Pictures will be fine, nobody will think it looks weird. 
    Unfortunately though, you have already made your decision and it is too late to ask anyone else, this goes for your FH too. Asking now will just make someone feel like an after thought.

    when is your wedding?
    can you include you fSIL and close friend with out making them bridesmaids? I only had my sister and SIL as bridesmaids but my bff actually listened to me bounce ideas off her more than they did, just because I spoke with her more often.
    STARMOON44theknot360193InLoveInQueens
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    edited March 3
    "Even WP's are SO 2000's!"  Really - that trend of needing "sides even" is pretty much "poof!" and "out the window!"...  Ask your friend who you desperately wanted to ask!  

    As for the PFSIL - I'd opt for not at this point even though I thoroughly get what you're saying as for many it is/was tradition having family in the WP.  
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    edited March 3
    You don't have to have even sides. Nor are you restricted to asking women or your FI to asking men.

    As for your brother's girlfriend, if you're not close to her, then don't ask her. If you do want your close friend to be one of your bridesmaids, then ask her. 

    Although you and your FI are required to invite both members of a couple to be guests, you are not required to ask any of your FSILs or FBIL's girlfriends to be in your bridesmaids. If it's important to your FI that his brother's girlfriend be in the wedding party, he can ask her to be a groomswoman.

    It's not up to him or his family members or friends who your attendants are, and it's not up to you or your family members or friends who his attendants are. You each make those choices for your own sides by yourself.

    But once you make those choices, you can't unmake them by asking people you have already asked to be in your wedding party to step down, because that's a friendship-ending move. It's also not polite to replace former wedding party members.

    Don't make even sides or avoiding hurt feelings the basis of choosing wedding party members. Those are the worst possible reasons to choose people - and they usually cause more hurt feelings in the long run.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    When my daughter married, her brother was a groomsman but his GF ( now wife) was not asked to be in the wedding party.  NO ONE saw it as an issue nor made it an issue.  When my SIL's mother remarried, he, along with his two brothers, and his sister, were in the wedding party.  My daughter was not asked.  Again, it was a non-issue.

    The point is that your situation is neither unique or dramatic.  You and you alone make the determination as to who is in your wedding party.  I agree with PP's that you leave well enough alone.
  • This whole thing is ridiculous. Pick who you want and however many you can tolerate. Even sides aren’t a thing. Pick people you like. 
    eileenrobInLoveInQueensahoywedding
  • You and FI are creating unecessary stress.  Whoever you’ve already asked has to keep their position, you can’t ask anyone to step down, but for any further people in question- whoever is close to the person (regardless of sex, regardless of even sides) should ask the person.

    For any lurkers- sides do NOT have to be even  :(
    InLoveInQueensahoywedding
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    We can still see your original post, OP, since you were quoted. Deleting or altering your post is rude. 

    Sides don't have to be even. Don't ask people out of obligation. Excluding people because the sides didn't match was also hurtful. 


    image
    InLoveInQueens
  • My Fiancé’s oldest brother (he has 3 brothers, 1 sister) has been dating a girl on and off for a few years now and is apparently going to propose within the next few weeks, meaning she will be the only SIL not involved in the wedding party. They aren’t engaged yet but several of his family members have asked if I’m going to ask her to be included since I asked 2 out of 3 of my FH’s brother’s wives to be part of the wedding since it’s just what his family does. 

    To make things more complicated, one of my fiancé’s groomsmen dropped out this week due to financial issues so we are already one groomsman short without considering my (potential) future sister in law. 

    We waited a while to ask the bridal party and have not started with any sort of planning just yet in terms of attire/ day of plans. Our wedding is in late October of this year. 

    Given this new post, I would say include her. What would it hurt. All a bridesmaids has to do is show up, on time, mostly sober, in the agreed upon attire. It is a simple job that will make her feel included so why not? The fact your FI had a groomsman drop out is a nonissue.
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