My MOH lives in a different state, so it is making dress shopping difficult. I don’t expect her to always drive to me, so after a few failed attempts, we decided that she would go to a shop near her home that has the same designer as one near my home. Gave her the name of the designer and the color. Now here is the issue. She ordered her dress, from a different designer than discussed and not the shade of blue we had discussed. She didn’t even call me before ordering. Said there was only one dress in the entire store that looked good on her, so she ordered it. Do I suck it up and move on? She said it can’t be cancelled, and I’m not sure how to handle this.
Re: MOH Dress Disaster
ETA: Also, this does not in any way qualify as a 'disaster.'
As annoying as it is, I'd roll with it. Some people even put their MOH in a different color on purpose:
She was cool with it, but I felt etiquette-wise it was just good to at least let her know that I couldn't find the same dress.
Like a few others mentioned, it looked intentional and I'm sure it'll still flow nicely
Did you discuss the dress budget before you chose a dress? Could the cost of the dress be the reason MOH chose another dress?
They wedding went on just fine. No one cared that we were in two different shades and it was still lovely. Yes, this MOH probably should have said something about it to the bride before ordering, but there may have been a reason to choose something different (price, size, flattery, etc) and it might not have been something she felt comfortable bringing up with OP or being shared with the rest of the WP. It's not going to ruin the wedding, and it's worth giving her the benefit of the doubt.
Dictate the color(s) and hemlines if you want, but please trust your closest friends and family members to choose their own dresses that will look flattering on them individually.
After doing the MoH/BM thing for literally over a dozen weddings now, and having a closet full of overpriced dresses I wasn't thrilled to be wearing, I would never do it again unless the bride let me choose my own dress.
It's my money and body, I'd like to feel comfortable and look good in front of everyone, even if it's your wedding.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
You can have matching, but also be mindful of your BM's. I've mentioned this before, by my girls matched in basically "little black dress" {with a red ribbon I paid for separately}
After talking to everyone about budget, I steered clear of bridal shops {they looked the day they saw my dress}
We all discussed about stores and then I requested each girl to check the sizing the stores had on their site to see which they would feel comfortable with. I mentioned to them they didn't need to tell anyone, just ensure they were comfortable with the sizing the stores had since often stores are just weird sizing.
We got lucky. They loved the dresses they chose {all the same in the end} but would I have been upset if they all had black dresses in different styles? Not even close.
I'm not sure what there is to disagree with, per se. PGL wasn't saying you can't match, as that is a current expectation of bridal parties - just that she strongly encourages people not to care and to change that expectation, because really, in retrospect what my BMs were wearing didn't matter in any real way whatsoever.
My BMs were happy with our same color/different dress setup, but if I did it over again, I wouldn't ask them to buy anything specific at all. Me getting married just isn't a real reason for them to have to do that.
Now, in OP's case, I can understand why she's upset, as the MOH agreed to one thing and then didn't do it, possibly also for legitimate reasons. But it's a very minor thing and should be treated as such. If one follows PGL's recommendation, this issue never would have existed.
I guess I wasn't clear, but the matchy matchy I was referring to is when all the BMs are in the exact same dress in the exact same color. That just doesn't work for everyone.
5 girls of different heights and builds are not going to look universally flattering in the exact same silhouette. More importantly, 5 girls with different personal styles and preferences aren't going to feel universally comfortable in the exact same silhouette.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."