Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR: Mortgage Burning Party?

2

Re: NWR: Mortgage Burning Party?

  • I’m curious now, do people think divorce parties are inappropriate? 

    I guess I just don’t see this 1) as discussing/flaunting your finances (unless you’re talking about how much you paid for the house, how quickly you paid it off or whatever) and 2) why this couldn’t be seen as a big milestone for some people? 

    I definitely find the idea odd because, overall, a divorce is a negative/sad event.  While a person might feel relief they are finally free from a bad relationship, I just can't see it as being a celebration.

    For some, a real celebration would be inventing a time machine and never getting involved with that person in the first place, lol.

    However, with that said, it's just my own opinion on that type of party.  I wouldn't side-eye a friend who threw a divorce party and would attend.  I also see a party like this as being more a gathering of close, supportive family and friends and not a big blow-out.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    MairePoppySP29
  • ei34ei34 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I lean a bit more into the “any reason to throw a party” camp, so I wouldn’t be turned off by a mortgage burning party.  That said, my rsvp would depend on what kind of the host the party-thrower is- will this be well catered, liquor flowing party?  Or is it a potluck and there won’t be a seat for every butt?  Is it nearby or over an hour each way?  Are kids invited or would we have to get a sitter ($30/hr)? Now that I’m strapped for time, I reflect on that anytime I’m invited to a party that’s a bit frivolous (IMO)- a gender reveal, a pet birthday party, etc. and this paid off the mortgage party.
    charlotte989875short+sassy
  • I’m curious now, do people think divorce parties are inappropriate? 

    I guess I just don’t see this 1) as discussing/flaunting your finances (unless you’re talking about how much you paid for the house, how quickly you paid it off or whatever) and 2) why this couldn’t be seen as a big milestone for some people? 
    I think that would depend on the couple.
    If it's a necessary-but-amicable divorce, then it could work out. If there's no kid(s), it would be more funny than anything.

    If kid(s) I would definitely find it inappropriate, regardless reasoning, etc
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    Speaking of weird parties, I just talked my friend out of a Vasectomy Celebration party.

    He's 31, single and has no kids.



    That was a good call, SSS. Wonder what that cake would have looked like?
                       
    ShesSoColdsparklepants41SoonToBeSmith0512
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its

    Speaking of weird parties, I just talked my friend out of a Vasectomy Celebration party.

    He's 31, single and has no kids.



    That was a good call, SSS. Wonder what that cake would have looked like?


    LOL he probably would have asked me to bake it!

    If he was married and had like 8 kids, I'd think it was funny and wouldn't have talked him out of it. It would have been just a fun reason for a casual party.

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    MairePoppySP29
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its

    Speaking of weird parties, I just talked my friend out of a Vasectomy Celebration party.

    He's 31, single and has no kids.



    That was a good call, SSS. Wonder what that cake would have looked like?


    LOL he probably would have asked me to bake it!

    If he was married and had like 8 kids, I'd think it was funny and wouldn't have talked him out of it. It would have been just a fun reason for a casual party.

    My mom and my parents' friends legit threw my dad a surprise vasectomy party complete with a penis cake. I remember looking through old photo albums and seeing a picture of him laughing next to a penis cake and being like "OH MY GOD Y'ALL ARE SO EMBARRASSINGGGGG!!"


    This is awesome!

    I want to do this for H. When Friend told me his doctor was allowing him to get snipped, I got SO EXCITED that maybe now H can get one too (we're childless by choice and early 30s too).

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • Speaking of weird parties, I just talked my friend out of a Vasectomy Celebration party.

    He's 31, single and has no kids.


    Do you watch Real Housewives of OC? Lydia (the annoying one) threw a "balls-voyage" party for her husband the night before his vasectomy. It was aaaaawwwwwwkward.
    MobKazlnixon8MissKittyDangerShesSoCold
  • My grandmother had a "mortgage burning party" in the 80's. I was little, but I've seen a picture. She was in her late 40's I think. She was essentially dirt-poor her entire life, and had lived through a number of tragic circumstances, and had never actually owned anything outright, so it was a huge deal. The party was just her immediate family--kids and grandkids. I think it was totally appropriate in that situation, but I honestly can't imagine another situation in current times where I'd think it was appropriate, with anyone I know. 

    However, I could imagine a big family vacation (paying/subsidizing my mom and my brother's family) if/when I ever pay of a mortgage and/or student loans. Although as others have mentioned, this is not a priority because they are basically the lowest-interest loans you can get, and it's often better to invest any extra than pay off early. 
    MairePoppycharlotte989875short+sassyei34
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer


    Additionally, paying off a mortgage is not really an achievement. It’s more of an indication that you have lived in your house a long time and pay your bills.
    I really disagree with this. For many people paying off a mortgage is a huge achievement. If you grew up in a family or community where rentals were the norm, or where your family was prevented from getting a mortgage (hello Redlining) I think paying off a mortgage is a big deal. It just reads as pretty elitist to say home-ownership and fully paying off a home is no big deal when many people were prevented from doing that for years. 

    STUCK IN BOX

    These are two really good points. But additionally, we have housewarmings- your finances had to be in decent enough order (nowadays anyway, let's ignore the early 2000s) to get a house in the first place. If we're going to celebrate going into massive debt why not celebrate getting out of it too?  I just think if you're for housewarming, you can't be too offended at a mortgage burning party as they're in the same vein- 10, 20, 30 years apart too. 

    levioosa said:
    Except I know the real story, which is that for a long time, her parents were still paying for her apartment, pet bills, and car loan while she put triple payments down on her loans. So when she brags about how financially responsible she is I just want to slap her. 

    Now this, this kind of thing irks me. In a similar vein, where I live, engagement rings and big suburban houses are status symbols. My BFF told me her (then-future) BIL got his wife a $20k ring, with $10k of it borrowed from his parents. And they helped with the down payment on their house too. 
    Like, dude, come on. 
    Accept the fact that you're not as fancy as you want to be, good grief. Your status symbols are nothing to show off if you didn't earn them yourself. 
    ________________________________


    charlotte989875SP29SoonToBeSmith0512
  • I’m curious now, do people think divorce parties are inappropriate? 

    I guess I just don’t see this 1) as discussing/flaunting your finances (unless you’re talking about how much you paid for the house, how quickly you paid it off or whatever) and 2) why this couldn’t be seen as a big milestone for some people? 
    I think that would depend on the couple.
    If it's a necessary-but-amicable divorce, then it could work out. If there's no kid(s), it would be more funny than anything.

    If kid(s) I would definitely find it inappropriate, regardless reasoning, etc


    I've never heard of one happening IRL.  But my impression is they are usually thrown by one member of the couple (not both) for divorces that are the opposite of amicable!

    As in "that no-good, horrible SOB, who made my life miserable for X years", I'm throwing a party to celebrate I'm finally free of that hateful person.

    Edited to add: if there are children together, especially if they are still young, then I agree a divorce party is a bad idea.  Even if they wouldn't be there.

    IRL never heard of the amicable divorce parties but I've seen stories come across fb.
    I know through a friend that a girl got divorced and went out for a girls night to celebrate it was over.
  • Speaking of weird parties, I just talked my friend out of a Vasectomy Celebration party.

    He's 31, single and has no kids.


    Do you watch Real Housewives of OC? Lydia (the annoying one) threw a "balls-voyage" party for her husband the night before his vasectomy. It was aaaaawwwwwwkward.
    AHAHAHAHAHA that's great wording though!! :')
    ahoywedding
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Mortgage party - eh. I tend to lean to not a fan. I think that's more of a private celebration thing. 

    Divorce parties - no. Divorce is sad in my book. The fact remains that those people were happy and in love once and vowed to be together 'til death do us part. I know of course that there are abusive and cheating situations, but it is still sad to me that things changed to such a degree that they are now getting a divorce. I would not attend one. 

    Vasectomy party. TMI. No. And "balls-voyage" is just silly to me because they're not going anywhere. 
    short+sassySP29
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its

    Yeah "Balls Voyage" is pretty funny, but definitely weird and awkward.

    I was too young to remember the actual divorce, but my parents had an amicable divorce and were good friends after. As long as I can remember (they divorced when I was an infant), my dad would stop by whenever he wanted and my mom was always friendly and welcoming. My mom took care of my dad when he'd have medical problems and they talked on the phone more than I did with my dad. Dad was involved when Mom got cancer and went with her, us kids and Mom's husband to her oncologist appointments and such.

    Hell, we even figured out a way to put my dad in her obit that didn't sound super weird.

    But I do not believe they had a divorce party. I think my mom would have found it tacky and inappropriate in their situation.

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    charlotte989875SP29
  • Ok... haven't been here in a while but are pet birthday parties really a thing?!??  I mean,  I love my cat probably more than any person should but I still don't think I would ever throw a birthday party and invite people to it.  How would I keep a straight face?
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited March 2018
    Ok... haven't been here in a while but are pet birthday parties really a thing?!??  I mean,  I love my cat probably more than any person should but I still don't think I would ever throw a birthday party and invite people to it.  How would I keep a straight face?
    I know a family that used to have a pet bird, and the family would throw parties for it. But only their closest relatives and friends were invited.

    I didn't get it either.
    MairePoppy
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers


    Additionally, paying off a mortgage is not really an achievement. It’s more of an indication that you have lived in your house a long time and pay your bills.
    I really disagree with this. For many people paying off a mortgage is a huge achievement. If you grew up in a family or community where rentals were the norm, or where your family was prevented from getting a mortgage (hello Redlining) I think paying off a mortgage is a big deal. It just reads as pretty elitist to say home-ownership and fully paying off a home is no big deal when many people were prevented from doing that for years. 
    I’m not saying it’s not a big deal to the owner, I’m saying it’s not a public achievement. Much like getting a big raise at work. Sure, that’s life changing to the person, and I am sure they worked hard for it, but it’s not a reason to throw a public celebration. As I said, mentioning money, especially when times are good, really comes across as bragging and vulgar where I live. 

    I would go out to dinner with my family and celebrate privately, but I would see a mortgage burning party in the same vein as a “come celebrate how much money I have now that I got a raise” party. I would find it cringey.
    ahoyweddingMairePoppy
  • Ok... haven't been here in a while but are pet birthday parties really a thing?!??  I mean,  I love my cat probably more than any person should but I still don't think I would ever throw a birthday party and invite people to it.  How would I keep a straight face?
    I would have to call my vet's office to even find out when my pets were born. 
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    charlotte989875MandTFebruary62011
  • Ok... haven't been here in a while but are pet birthday parties really a thing?!??  I mean,  I love my cat probably more than any person should but I still don't think I would ever throw a birthday party and invite people to it.  How would I keep a straight face?

    So, my son and his GF have a little birthday party for their cat, mostly for the GF's little boy. They take a can of tuna, stick a candle in it and sing 'meow meow meow meow to you.....' and take pics. The cat gets a new toy. I think it's weird, but harmless, unless the cat's whiskers catch fire.
    Yeh I usually try to do something special for my cats bdays. We don't do candles {i think they wouldn't get it and set fire to themselves tbh ....}
    Usually it's a treat, new bowl, new toy or something
    MairePoppy
  • I wanted to have a mortgage burning party, but several people in my husband's family are struggling - including one family with three kids, and we were advised to celebrate this privately.
    short+sassy
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