We're ready to reschedule over a dress

apwifey

I hate dress shopping. I have been to 4 appointments and have only had one positive experience.
 I went with my mom and FMIL and my mother actually said "I don't see the big deal, she could just wear her old one (from my 1st wedding) and we just won't tell (FH)" to FMIL. 
Another boutique didn't have anything I had picked out in their look book complete with the sales consultant telling me "that won't fit to try on" when I pointed to one on the mannequin, and I found it in my size by myself 5min later. 
A third quoted a dress at 575 just for me to get to the checkout and "our bad, there's a 1 in front of the 5, it's hidden in the dollar sign "
I actually broke down crying because nothing has been fitting and consultants tell me to buy and then we can see what it would look like in the right size. Other boutiques are telling me I'm running out of time to even get a dress. FH wants me to be happy but going to any dress appointment now just seems like a chore or getting a root canal. I don't want to go anywhere at this point. I don't know what to do. 

charlotte989875

apwifey said:

I hate dress shopping. I have been to 4 appointments and have only had one positive experience.
 I went with my mom and FMIL and my mother actually said "I don't see the big deal, she could just wear her old one (from my 1st wedding) and we just won't tell (FH)" to FMIL. 
Another boutique didn't have anything I had picked out in their look book complete with the sales consultant telling me "that won't fit to try on" when I pointed to one on the mannequin, and I found it in my size by myself 5min later. 
A third quoted a dress at 575 just for me to get to the checkout and "our bad, there's a 1 in front of the 5, it's hidden in the dollar sign "
I actually broke down crying because nothing has been fitting and consultants tell me to buy and then we can see what it would look like in the right size. Other boutiques are telling me I'm running out of time to even get a dress. FH wants me to be happy but going to any dress appointment now just seems like a chore or getting a root canal. I don't want to go anywhere at this point. I don't know what to do. 

First; When is your wedding? Unless it's this weekend you definitely have time to order. 

Second; these places sound awful, how were the reviews online? There is one boutique in my city that everyone knows not to go to because they are terrible to anyone who isn't a street size 0 (seriously I'm street size 10 and they tried to get me to "try on" a bridal size 4. Yeah, no that's not happening and I'm not buying a dress I can't put on). 

Third; try focusing on silhouettes or shapes that you like, rather than specifics? And maybe call a head of an appointment to see if they actually have what you want to see in person. No use going all the way there if they're not going to have what you want. 

Fourth; do you have any Nordstrom's/Saks/Barney's in your area that would carry bridal lines? Or if you're looking for something less traditional a department store might be a good place to look. 

Dress shopping definitely isn't always fun, but it also shouldn't be this bad. Sorry you've had such a hard time. 

banana468

This sounds awful.

I didn't have that experience but my MIL talked about how it was hard for her to find attire for her for my wedding due to her size and many shops were NOT easy to deal with.  Ultimately she had her dress made and she looked GREAT. 

1) I'd start to ask around on local pages to see what places are recommended.

2) As awful as they can be with sales pitches you may have luck at a David's as they have a range of prices and you just need to make them sit down when they try to sell you on an insane look.  

3) Department stores may have what you want.

4) Depending on your budget, you may be able to work with a dress maker and cut out a shop entirely.

Start by asking locally for recommendations.   Don't just go by Google search results but see what comes recommended by people who have shopped there. 

Then just keep an open mind when you shop.   I wouldn't go with people who make the experience more anxiety-ridden or stress inducing.  

Finally - know that plenty of dresses can be delivered quickly and if necessary you can work with a larger wedding factory like Davids which has plenty of stuff to choose from. 

Also, it's a DRESS.   And there's so much bullshit tied to some kind of wedding "aha" moment about a dress but it's A DRESS.   And As someone who has been happily married for over a decade I can tell you that while I loved my dress it wasn't some magical moment for me and I think there's WAY TOO MUCH weight put on that article of clothing.   You should find something that you look great in that makes you feel comfortable and confident but at the end of the day it comes off and you have a marriage.   Try not to stress too much over something that you're  wearing once. 

southernbelle0915

I’m so sorry your experiences have been negative. In terms of rescheduling, try to keep things in perspective. The wedding is about marrying your spouse, not a dress. You could marry your partner wearing pajama pants and a T-shirt and you’d be just as married. 

That said, take a deep breath. Make an appointment at another boutique for just you to go shopping alone. When you get there, tell them that you do not want to see anything over $X. Check price tags and ask them to confirm prices before you try on (telling them about your prior experience to emphasize the importance of the price being correct). 

apwifey

I asked him if I had to get a new dress and it's FH that's pushing. I would be happy with a dress I wore to a military ball a few years ago and he said no, this is special you need a dress 

CMGragain

I went shopping for my wedding dress alone.  My family was a mess, and Mom refused to go with me.  (Two divorces going on, including one of hers!)  After six stores, I found the perfect dress and the perfect price.  Try going solo.  Don't forget to look at the previous seasons rack.  You may find the perfect dress there!
Remember, you don't need to the find the PERFECT dress.  You need to find a wedding dress that looks nice and fits your budget.

ernursej

apwifey said:

I asked him if I had to get a new dress and it's FH that's pushing. I would be happy with a dress I wore to a military ball a few years ago and he said no, this is special you need a dress 

I would communicate with him that you have found it stressful and upsetting and would be happiest in x that you already own. Find out why he thinks you need a special dress. There are a lot of people who do something because “it is what it done” which is not a good reason to do something. 

In saying that, if the end goal is to get a new dress, I would suggest to take advice above about starting from scratch with another store or two. Only go with someone who is supportive and allow yourself several hours and to try anything and everything on. I was shocked that I ended up with a strapless gown when I had initially refused to try one on. 

downtondiva

PP's have given a lot of good advice on this so I'll just add a couple of my own thoughts.

While it's all very well and good for your FH to say he wants you to get a new dress and wants you to be happy, he's not the one going through this. You need to put your own feelings first here. Don't be shy about explaining to him how frustrating this experience has been for you and why this has you considering wearing a dress you already own. Wearing a dress you've worn before won't make your wedding day any less special; after all, at one time it was the custom for most women to wear the best dress already in their closet when they got married! 

And if you are going to get a new dress, do you absolutely have to have an actual wedding dress? How would you feel about finding an evening gown in white or ivory, or maybe even one in a color that you love? As a bride, you should get to wear something you feel great in, and that doesn't necessarily have to be the "traditional" white wedding dress. If that's what you want, then go for it, but don't be afraid to explore other options if you think it'll help. Again, do not let your FH make this decision for you. 

Whatever approach you decide to take, I hope you find something to wear to your wedding that makes you feel beautiful, and that these bad shopping experiences will just be a memory you can move on from. Best of luck.

SoonToBeSmith0512

downtondiva said:

PP's have given a lot of good advice on this so I'll just add a couple of my own thoughts.

While it's all very well and good for your FH to say he wants you to get a new dress and wants you to be happy, he's not the one going through this. You need to put your own feelings first here. Don't be shy about explaining to him how frustrating this experience has been for you and why this has you considering wearing a dress you already own. Wearing a dress you've worn before won't make your wedding day any less special; after all, at one time it was the custom for most women to wear the best dress already in their closet when they got married! 

And if you are going to get a new dress, do you absolutely have to have an actual wedding dress? How would you feel about finding an evening gown in white or ivory, or maybe even one in a color that you love? As a bride, you should get to wear something you feel great in, and that doesn't necessarily have to be the "traditional" white wedding dress. If that's what you want, then go for it, but don't be afraid to explore other options if you think it'll help. Again, do not let your FH make this decision for you. 

Whatever approach you decide to take, I hope you find something to wear to your wedding that makes you feel beautiful, and that these bad shopping experiences will just be a memory you can move on from. Best of luck.

This is great advice. Macy’s, Dillard’s, etc. have MANY formal gowns to chose from, a great number of which come in white/ivory and actually look very bridal, in case that’s important to you. And you can buy several options in your size online, try on at home, then return what doesn’t work. 

I had similar frustrations finding shoes. Nothing fit right, nothing looked right, and I was about to call it quits and wear Keds under my wedding dress - nothing wrong with that if it’s your thing, but I had my heart set on finding the perfect bridal heel. Someone suggested to me that I buy a bunch of shoes online (from Macy’s in my case) and try them on at home. I bought like 6-7 pairs so the shipping was free (it is over $50 or something), found a pair I loved, and returned the rest in-store at no cost to me. Perhaps you’ll have similar luck doing the same with evening gowns!

Best of luck!!

ahoywedding

One of my friends had a similar situation. She got married out of state, in her hometown. She went to like 8 or 10 boutiques with her mom & some friends in her home city (major city in the US) and found nothing. She also went to a few shops in the city we live in when her mom was visiting here and found nothing. This whole process ended a couple months before her wedding.

Then one of our friends suggested a smaller shop here, and a couple of them went during the workday. She found a dress she loved right away and the shop was able to order her a dress in time to get any alterations done (I think they may have even offered to ship it to the city her wedding was in). 

I'm sorry you've had this experience. Everyone makes a big huge deal out of the wedding dress, but at the end of the day it's just a small part of one day. I would ask your FI why he's insistent you buy a new dress and be open with how much stress it's causing you. Maybe go shopping with a different group of people. Check out some non-bridal stores. And even consider somewhere like David's. They have dresses at all price points, and from my experience won't make you try on crazy things you probably won't like. They're a little busier and less personal than other boutiques, but that could be helpful too. They didn't have time to linger over us and I could try on dresses as quickly as I wanted. The pricing was pretty up front, and they even had someone from alterations give me an estimate for that before I made the final purchase. 

southernbelle0915

apwifey said:

I asked him if I had to get a new dress and it's FH that's pushing. I would be happy with a dress I wore to a military ball a few years ago and he said no, this is special you need a dress 

But I'm sure you've vented all this stress and frustration to him, too, right? And he insists you keep going? This doesn't sound like a dress problem to me.

thisismynickname2

I'm seconding (thirding? fourthing?) the advice to be open to evening gowns. I found my wedding dress in the evening gown section of Nordstrom. There are lots of white/ivory/beaded gowns at those types of stores and they stock a variety of sizes, not just samples. And the salespeople are not pushy or even non-existent. You can even order online with free returns at some of these places. Plus? An evening gown is often cheaper than a "wedding" dress! 

MandyMost

If you decide to go to more bridal salons, don't hesitate to call first (but do it when it's not typically busy, like a weekday morning). If it's someplace that has a "look book" like David's Bridal, ask about specific style numbers and what sizes they have in stock to try on. If it's a regular bridal salon, ask about what sizes they have available, and how many dresses they have in the various sizes that may fit you, and if you have specific styles of dresses in mind, ask about that "I'm looking for a lace dress with a halter neckline. Do you have any available to try on that would fit a street size 18? It's fine if it doesn't zip up of course, but I clearly can't try on a street size 4 and get an idea of what it looks like".