Wedding Party

Bridesmaid Troubles

So, when picking our bridal parties we decided to keep it small. I have two friends I’ve known for 20+ years, his sister and a friend from work.

Now, I’ve known this friend from work for about two years and we became really close. When I was talking about who to have in my bridal party, she said “you should make me a bridesmaid” and I was thinking yeah, that sounds like a really good idea. So time passes, and my fiancé and I plan a get together to ask everyone to be in our bridal party. I unofficially asked everyone beforehand to make sure that’s something they’d be comfortable with, including her, and she said yes.

Three months later and her and I are kind of on the rocks. She’s come to me and said that other people at work have made comments about her being in the wedding, that it’s “weird,” and she’s been gossiping heavily about other people in our friend group. So that leads me to the obvious conclusion that if she’s gossiping about them, I’m sure she’s gossiping about me, and sure enough she told the people that told her it was “weird” that she’s in my wedding that she didn’t know why I asked her, that she didn’t see it coming, and that she already has a lot to do with her best friends wedding. (Her best friend is getting married in 2019. My wedding is 2018.) She’s also made other comments like “guess I should try to get that day off...pfff” and then laughed. 

Im not really sure where to go from there? How do I confront her? What do I even say? It’d be awkward to try to replace her at this point—she was supposed to have her dress last month and she still hasn’t gotten it, but everyone already knows our bridal parties. I don’t know what to do :( 

Re: Bridesmaid Troubles

  • So, when picking our bridal parties we decided to keep it small. I have two friends I’ve known for 20+ years, his sister and a friend from work.

    Now, I’ve known this friend from work for about two years and we became really close. When I was talking about who to have in my bridal party, she said “you should make me a bridesmaid” and I was thinking yeah, that sounds like a really good idea. So time passes, and my fiancé and I plan a get together to ask everyone to be in our bridal party. I unofficially asked everyone beforehand to make sure that’s something they’d be comfortable with, including her, and she said yes.

    Three months later and her and I are kind of on the rocks. She’s come to me and said that other people at work have made comments about her being in the wedding, that it’s “weird,” and she’s been gossiping heavily about other people in our friend group. So that leads me to the obvious conclusion that if she’s gossiping about them, I’m sure she’s gossiping about me, and sure enough she told the people that told her it was “weird” that she’s in my wedding that she didn’t know why I asked her, that she didn’t see it coming, and that she already has a lot to do with her best friends wedding. (Her best friend is getting married in 2019. My wedding is 2018.) She’s also made other comments like “guess I should try to get that day off...pfff” and then laughed. 

    Im not really sure where to go from there? How do I confront her? What do I even say? It’d be awkward to try to replace her at this point—she was supposed to have her dress last month and she still hasn’t gotten it, but everyone already knows our bridal parties. I don’t know what to do :( 
    FTR, this is not a "small" WP. I was expecting no more than two but okay.

    Meh, if you don't want to continue your friendship, ask her to step down from your wedding but realize that this will make work really uncomfortable. 

    Good news though...if she doesn't get the dress in time, she can just be a guest and you don't have to worry about it. If she does get the dress, suck it up. Chances are, your wedding day you will be too busy to notice what she gets up to. 
    ILoveBeachMusicInLoveInQueensshort+sassy
  • She sounds really immature. It’s easier said than done, but try to ignore her.  I’d let her know the day and time of the ceremony and not bring up the wedding again...people like her don’t need any extra ammunition.
    ahoyweddingcharlotte989875MesmrEwe
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
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    I would ignore the gossip and put any wedding-related discussions with her on a need-to-know basis.
    MairePoppy
  • agree with PP's.  I understand why this is irritating and probably a bit hurtful but she's the immature one in this situation so far.  Anything you could do outside of letting her know when/where the ceremony is would honestly just make you look petty or rude (example: confronting her, kicking her out of the wedding) not to mention make work super awkward. 

    If she doesn't get the dress or the day off work then she's not a bridesmaid.  Replacing her at any time is rude.  You don't need even sides in the bridal party and it doesn't matter if "everyone knows the bridal parties" - very likely no one will notice the day of.

    short+sassy
  • This sounds like a friendship that will probably fade.

    That said - just be matter of fact with her.   If she wants to not attend then it's on her but in the meantime I'd just continue to be respectful, treat her nicely and ask her about anything that may involve cost.  
    MairePoppy
  • If for whatever reason this woman ends up not being a bridesmaid, do not replace her. No one cares if sides are even. 

    Anyway, she sounds like a strange and immature person.  It's possible that she was joking about you having her as a bridesmaid and feels funny about actually being one (though of course she was free to decline if she didn't really want to do it).  I also suspect that maybe she feels self-conscious about the attention she's getting from coworkers about being in your wedding, and for whatever reason is reacting by being negative about the whole thing - assuming, of course, that she's really saying the things you've been told she's saying.

    While I'm sure it's tempting to confront her or ask her to step down, remember that you'll still have to see her at work once your wedding is over. I recommend that you continue to be polite and only talk about/involve her in wedding stuff when it's absolutely necessary. Don't get involved in whatever gossip is going around your office. If she doesn't get the dress by that day, then she's not a bridesmaid. Once the wedding is over, regardless of what happens that day, you can let the friendship fade out if you want.
    image
    ernursejahoywedding
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