You need to rethink your plan or tell her and deal with the fallout.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I have two brothers and a sister. Michael and Daniel and I have the same mother but different fathers. My sister Michelle and I share a father. Daniel and I grew up in the same household, but Michael and Michelle were raised by their father and mother, respectively, elsewhere in the country. Daniel and I are close, and when he got a tattoo honoring our deceased mother, I knew I wanted that tattoo as well. Michael is also going to get the tattoo. I love the very personal and beautiful design and am excited to share this with my brothers.

The problem is my sister. After she heard about the tattoo, she then proposed that she, Daniel, and I get matching sibling tattoos as well. (Daniel and Michelle have a sibling relationship; the same cannot be said for Michael and Michelle.) I am not close with my sister—to me she is more like a cousin I see once a year. So far, I have dodged her questions regarding tattoo design and dates, but I’m worried about a direct confrontation. I don’t want the tattoo, but I also don’t want to hurt my sister’s feelings and risk permanent damage to our already-thin relationship.

—Sister of All Trades, Master of None

ShesSoCold

Tattoos are like, one of the most personal things you can do. Don't get it. Tell her you're happy with the one you have and move on. If she keeps bugging about it, keep bean dipping and repeating "I'm happy with the tattoo I got for my mom and don't feel it necessary to get another family tattoo".

MissKittyDanger

My mum has a close relationship with her brothers {who are - biologically speaking - her half-brothers} but still wouldn't get a matching tattoo with them.

Seconding what @ShesSoCold said "I'm happy with the tattoo I got for my mum and don't feel it necessary to get another family tattoo"

charlotte989875

I had to read the first two sentences three times to figure out who is who. 

Tell her youre not iinterested in another one at this time but the other siblings should if they want to, without you.  

flantastic

Sister does not realize that this is not a "sibling" tattoo. This is a tattoo in honor of a person who is her siblings' parent but not hers. If her own shared parent is going to be memorialized in a tattoo, she can be "in" then.

short+sassy

charlotte989875 said:

I had to read the first two sentences three times to figure out who is who. 

Tell her youre not iinterested in another one at this time but the other siblings should if they want to, without you.  

Then you are doing better than me!  I wish the letter had included a diagram, lol.  But I think I got the gist of how everyone is tied together.

Unless the sister is a real fragile snowflake, I think the LW is making this a lot harder than it needs to be.  She should have nipped this in the bud when the sister first brought it up with a, "I'm so sorry, but the only tattoo I'm interested in getting at this time is the one honoring my deceased mother."  Any normal person's reaction would be, "Oh okay!  Though I think it would be nice so, if you change your mind in the future, let us know."

Since she didn't say that immediately, I would just add this wording to the beginning, "You know, I've been thinking about this, but..."

Curiosity question.  Are sibling tattoos a common thing?  I've heard of tats with people's kids names or SO's name or a deceased relative/friend.  But I've never heard of a sibling tattoo (unless the sibling is deceased) or matchy-matchy tattoos amongst siblings.  Not that there's anything wrong with it if people want to do it, of course!  But it just struck me as odd.

ShesSoCold

 

Curiosity question.  Are sibling tattoos a common thing?  I've heard of tats with people's kids names or SO's name or a deceased relative/friend.  But I've never heard of a sibling tattoo (unless the sibling is deceased) or matchy-matchy tattoos amongst siblings.  Not that there's anything wrong with it if people want to do it, of course!  But it just struck me as odd.

I know a couple people who have done matching tattoos with their sisters.

My H has a tattoo for pretty much every member of his family, but they don't  say "Joe Bob" or are portraits or anything. Like, he's got a toad for his dad because his dad called him a lazy toad as a kid. A musky for his mom because his favorite childhood memories are of them musky fishing, shit like that. His brother and sister were pretty young when he got two flies for them because "they bug him".

ETA: OMG I had forgotten about this. 

Years ago when my cousins were murdered, the family wanted us all to get a matching tattoo for them. These people are hard to bean dip (one of the reasons I haven't been down to Indy in years to see them) but THANK GOD it never happened or they would have been really pushy about it. They were pushy about it when it was just an idea and no drawing or anything.

ei34

charlotte989875 said:

I had to read the first two sentences three times to figure out who is who. 

Tell her youre not iinterested in another one at this time but the other siblings should if they want to, without you.  

This reminded me of those reasoning questions on admissions exams.  “If Michael is in front of Jane but behind Frank, is Alice first or second in line?” 

Ditto @flantastic I’d just reiterate that it isn’t a sibling tattoo, it’s in honor of the mother. 

mrsconn23

short+sassy said:

Curiosity question.  Are sibling tattoos a common thing?  I've heard of tats with people's kids names or SO's name or a deceased relative/friend.  But I've never heard of a sibling tattoo (unless the sibling is deceased) or matchy-matchy tattoos amongst siblings.  Not that there's anything wrong with it if people want to do it, of course!  But it just struck me as odd.

DH and BIL have the same tattoo.  SIL has tats, but didn't get the one DH and BIL did. 

My older sister would have to be sedated to get one, so that will never happen for us.  And that's OK.  

My BFF and her siblings got the same tat before she passed away. 

short+sassy

ShesSoCold said:

ETA: OMG I had forgotten about this. 

Years ago when my cousins were murdered, the family wanted us all to get a matching tattoo for them. These people are hard to bean dip (one of the reasons I haven't been down to Indy in years to see them) but THANK GOD it never happened or they would have been really pushy about it. They were pushy about it when it was just an idea and no drawing or anything.

SMH.  Referring back to your original post on this thread, tattoos ARE such a personal thing.

It's hard for me to understand why anyone who would try to "push" a tattoo on someone else.  Crazy!

Me personally, I don't even have one tattoo.  Have really never wanted one and would probably never get one.  So for someone to actually try pressuring me to get a tattoo would be absolutely laughable.

MissKittyDanger

Curiosity question.  Are sibling tattoos a common thing?  I've heard of tats with people's kids names or SO's name or a deceased relative/friend.  But I've never heard of a sibling tattoo (unless the sibling is deceased) or matchy-matchy tattoos amongst siblings.  Not that there's anything wrong with it if people want to do it, of course!  But it just struck me as odd.

I don't have siblings, but I have a matching tatt with my mum.

I know people who have matching tatts with siblings, but it depends on if both are into it. M wouldn't likely get a matching tatt with BIL, more cuz I can see them not agreeing on what to get done.

Common, maybe not but it's not uncommon. Idk what middle ground option would be lol

kwiksilver

The only thing I could focus on from this letter is that I actually know a family of 4 siblings with the names as mentioned. Except Michael and Daniel are twins and all 4 have the same father and mother. Super weird LOL

MesmrEwe

SNS - DO NOT GET THE TATTOO!  For real - if LW doesn't want it - this isn't a debatable thing that one should become a doormat over!  

short+sassy

kwiksilver said:

The only thing I could focus on from this letter is that I actually know a family of 4 siblings with the names as mentioned. Except Michael and Daniel are twins and all 4 have the same father and mother. Super weird LOL

That IS a little freaky!