Yeah, he needs to STFU.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My husband has recently told me it bothers him I don’t have hobbies. He thinks I just watch stupid shows like Real Housewives (my guilty pleasure!) while he focuses on musical pursuits. I had to cut back on working out due to injury, plus I am pregnant, so my energy has been a lot lower. In my first trimester, reading was taxing and I couldn’t even handle watching The Crown. I feel like I’m being judged when I need stupid things to watch to relax. It isn’t like I’m lazy. I clean more that he does, I run our household, and I have a successful career. I also don’t understand how his video games are more mentally stimulating that my Bravo favorites. Is there a right answer for this? How should I handle this?

—Husband Has Issues With Lack of Hobbies

banana468

Another dick DH.  

Why does it bother him so much?   Do they have only one TV so the housewives compete with Call of Duty?   Is there something clingy in the wife?  

If not, the husband needs to STFU. 

STARMOON44

Tell him it bothers you that he’s a judgmental jerk. 

MissKittyDanger

Why does it bother her H what she watches? Dickwad.

I sometimes watch Teen Mom, and while M is vastly not a fan he knows it's not his place to 'control' what I watch. Which I also often tell him "don't like it? go away"

baconsmom

"It bothers him"

Like, he's concerned that she's not getting enough intellectual stimulation or meeting friends? 

Or is he just an asshole?

Because I can see being a little worried, like, if she did a bunch of stuff before, and suddenly stopped. But pregnancy is exhausting, all the time, and makes you stupid, so it's not like you're going to be writing the great American novel in those 40 weeks. So...yeah, it's not like he's thinking she's sliding into a depression or something. 

Asshole. Next letter. I have more people to judge.  

charlotte989875

It bothers me this guy is a dick, but we all have to live disappointments. 

mrsconn23

All of the above, but also...why does he get to determine what a hobby is for her?  Or that she needs hobbies in the first place? It's her free time, no? 

She's keeping up with life in the ways that matter, so when it's time to blow off steam/relax, she's doing what she likes to do.  Also, she's not saying they used to do X thing as a couple and now she won't (or can't, due to being pregnant) and she's rejecting any ideas of his to try something else.  He does music and plays video games in his free time, and she enjoys Real Housewives (high five LW, those crazy ladies are also my entertainment). 

If it were me, the next time he brings it up, I'd be pressing him for what he wants from me.  Like is he concerned because she's pregnant and things are going to change?  Does he want to do something as a couple?  Is he going to give up the things he likes to do in his free time if she objects to how he spends his time? 

If he has nothing, he needs to step the hell off and let her enjoy her time. 

MissKittyDanger

I can honestly say I currently do not have an 'hobbies' per say. {I don't consider reading or doing youtube vids as a hobby fyi}

It doesn't bother me. In my free time I often clean {currently it is soothing. Nesting is weird.}
It doesn't bother M that I don't have a hobby, but we have discussed me finding a reason to leave the house or be away so I'm not with BabyKitten 24/7 and gives me 'me time'
I opted to look at yoga classes nearby, but I've also entertained the idea of just going to the basement and watching tv or playing a video game while he's with her. {if it's a bath & bedtime routine, so be it}

CharmedPam

my hobbies include traveling and ghost hunting.  Something you just can't do every day.  So when I can't - I watch foodnetwork and hope that someday I can make a creation out of purple potatoes, cactus flower buds and rocky mountain oysters. 

ShesSoCold

Yeah I don't have a whole lot of hobbies either. H has like 1,000 (and they're all expensive, that ass).

I cook and bake and go to bears and hawks games. That's about it. But I'm also the type of person that needs a lot of sleep and a significant about of "down time" to function. So working 9 hours a day, commuting for one, plus cooking probably 2 hours, working out, doesn't give me a ton of free time on a daily basis. Plus, like LW, I do a lot more of the cleaning and day-to-day household stuff.

If my H told me it bothered him, I'd probably try to show him how much I actually do do. Like, okay, dude. You get and sort the mail, pay the bills, make dinner and lunches, clean, walk the dog, make grocery lists and meal plan, meal prep on the weekends, budget, get the oil changed and do the laundry. I'll be working on my interpretive dance.

MissKittyDanger

CharmedPam said:

my hobbies include traveling and ghost hunting.  Something you just can't do every day.  So when I can't - I watch foodnetwork and hope that someday I can make a creation out of purple potatoes, cactus flower buds and rocky mountain oysters. 

I need more information about this ghost hunting you do .... like, how?

levioosa

My hobbies have all died with school. I hope one day to start enjoying them again. As it stands, when I have free time now I’m usually trying to clean the house or I’m sitting on the couch to veg out and watch grey’s anatomy. 

MissKittyDanger

ShesSoCold said:

Yeah I don't have a whole lot of hobbies either. H has like 1,000 (and they're all expensive, that ass).

I cook and bake and go to bears and hawks games. That's about it. But I'm also the type of person that needs a lot of sleep and a significant about of "down time" to function. So working 9 hours a day, commuting for one, plus cooking probably 2 hours, working out, doesn't give me a ton of free time on a daily basis. Plus, like LW, I do a lot more of the cleaning and day-to-day household stuff.

If my H told me it bothered him, I'd probably try to show him how much I actually do do. Like, okay, dude. You get and sort the mail, pay the bills, make dinner and lunches, clean, walk the dog, make grocery lists and meal plan, meal prep on the weekends, budget, get the oil changed and do the laundry. I'll be working on my interpretive dance.

M's hobbies are expensive too lol
What's your H into?

CharmedPam

MissKittyDanger said:

CharmedPam said:

my hobbies include traveling and ghost hunting.  Something you just can't do every day.  So when I can't - I watch foodnetwork and hope that someday I can make a creation out of purple potatoes, cactus flower buds and rocky mountain oysters. 

I need more information about this ghost hunting you do .... like, how?

lol well I used to belong to paranormal groups, but they since dispersed.  We used to rent out abandoned buildings for the night (jails, hospitals, historical buildings etc) and you sit in a room and ask questions to whomever is still there and hope for a sign.  But I soon realized that a lot of these were far away and required a fee for the building AND a hotel.  Lately H and i are trying to find hotels that are supposedly haunted and just stay there.  One cost.  

ShesSoCold

MissKittyDanger said:

ShesSoCold said:

Yeah I don't have a whole lot of hobbies either. H has like 1,000 (and they're all expensive, that ass).

I cook and bake and go to bears and hawks games. That's about it. But I'm also the type of person that needs a lot of sleep and a significant about of "down time" to function. So working 9 hours a day, commuting for one, plus cooking probably 2 hours, working out, doesn't give me a ton of free time on a daily basis. Plus, like LW, I do a lot more of the cleaning and day-to-day household stuff.

If my H told me it bothered him, I'd probably try to show him how much I actually do do. Like, okay, dude. You get and sort the mail, pay the bills, make dinner and lunches, clean, walk the dog, make grocery lists and meal plan, meal prep on the weekends, budget, get the oil changed and do the laundry. I'll be working on my interpretive dance.

M's hobbies are expensive too lol
What's your H into?

Hunting, fishing, shooting. He plays bass, he has a motorcycle that's older than I am that constantly needs work and parts. Tattoos. I'm sure there's more.

kerbohl

DH also has expensive hobbies - LARP, Warhammer, and collecting armour sets. We have a room in our house that is legitimately an armory because we needed a place to put it all. And our basement is all the Warhammer ...

ei34

If this was my H my new hobby would be daily meditation by way of embracing abstinence as a lifestyle.

kvruns

Can I play the H with expensive hobbies game too. His are his fun car (no project is ever inexpensive, and it isn't even an old car) and fireworks displays 

kerbohl

@kvruns Fireworks displays? Like privately for his own amusement or he puts them on for people?  I don't think I've ever heard of this as a hobby!

charlotte989875

Raises hand. Also H with expensive hobbies. My only real hobby is running. And trying to teach myself how to knit. I’m fine with it, but if H wasn’t I don’t know what I’d do. I work insane hours and sometimes I just don’t want to do shit. 

kvruns

@kerbohl privately for his own (and our neighbors') amusement. These last few years he's gotten much more into it to the point of trying to time it to music first with a manual system and now with a computer software program. I swear he's been planning it out for months already. 

A friend of a friend puts on a huge display for their neighborhood that would rival a small town's display and I think my H wants to be him someday. 

6fsn

DH got really mad at me one night because I turned on the Housewives in our bedroom.  He was asleep but woke up all "I can't stand these whiny womenblah blah blah" he started stopping around and grabbing stuff to sleep on the couch.  That may have been the most pissed he's ever been at me.

I finally go him to settle down and now I know to flip the channel if he wakes up.

Our hobbies are sports.  It's awful.

MissKittyDanger

ShesSoCold said:

MissKittyDanger said:

ShesSoCold said:

Yeah I don't have a whole lot of hobbies either. H has like 1,000 (and they're all expensive, that ass).

I cook and bake and go to bears and hawks games. That's about it. But I'm also the type of person that needs a lot of sleep and a significant about of "down time" to function. So working 9 hours a day, commuting for one, plus cooking probably 2 hours, working out, doesn't give me a ton of free time on a daily basis. Plus, like LW, I do a lot more of the cleaning and day-to-day household stuff.

If my H told me it bothered him, I'd probably try to show him how much I actually do do. Like, okay, dude. You get and sort the mail, pay the bills, make dinner and lunches, clean, walk the dog, make grocery lists and meal plan, meal prep on the weekends, budget, get the oil changed and do the laundry. I'll be working on my interpretive dance.

M's hobbies are expensive too lol
What's your H into?

Hunting, fishing, shooting. He plays bass, he has a motorcycle that's older than I am that constantly needs work and parts. Tattoos. I'm sure there's more.

Bolded plus gaming is M lol
Tatts too, but idk if M has enough to consider it a hobby - we both have 5 lol

STARMOON44

6fsn said:

DH got really mad at me one night because I turned on the Housewives in our bedroom.  He was asleep but woke up all "I can't stand these whiny womenblah blah blah" he started stopping around and grabbing stuff to sleep on the couch.  That may have been the most pissed he's ever been at me.

I finally go him to settle down and now I know to flip the channel if he wakes up.

Our hobbies are sports.  It's awful.

I’d lose my mind over this but I’m also team no tv in the bedroom and definitely not while people are sleeping- not because of the show!

short+sassy

So many snarky comments...so little time.

• One of his hobbies is musical pursuits.  I think she should take motivation from that.  Learn to play the drums.  With her only time for practice being for one hour, right after he has gone to bed.
• Tell him, "Right now my hobby is growing a little person.  Once this hobby is done, OUR new hobby will be raising a little person."
• Take a page @ShesSoCold's advice.  "THANK YOU!  I am so glad you said something.  I totally agree that I should broaden my horizons.  So, right now, I'm spending all my time working and doing (list of household chores).  If you can take over dusting/mopping/laundry, than I will have time to practice metal sculpting (or whatever)."

For me personally, I'm finally proud to say that I love being a couch potato and watching tv.  I know I'm "supposed to be" ashamed of that, but why?  It's what I like to do.  It's like little stories that are on all the time to entertain me.  I should exercise more.  Because that's just healthy.  But, other than that, what difference does it make if that is how I like to spend my free time.

MissKittyDanger

6fsn said:

DH got really mad at me one night because I turned on the Housewives in our bedroom.  He was asleep but woke up all "I can't stand these whiny womenblah blah blah" he started stopping around and grabbing stuff to sleep on the couch.  That may have been the most pissed he's ever been at me.

I finally got him to settle down and now I know to flip the channel if he wakes up.

Our hobbies are sports.  It's awful.

Lol after the stomping part then you mentioning you got him settled, without thinking I was like "does she mean her kids?"

No offense to you/your H, my brain was just apparently deciding to not follow what you said lol

short+sassy

STARMOON44 said:

6fsn said:

DH got really mad at me one night because I turned on the Housewives in our bedroom.  He was asleep but woke up all "I can't stand these whiny womenblah blah blah" he started stopping around and grabbing stuff to sleep on the couch.  That may have been the most pissed he's ever been at me.

I finally go him to settle down and now I know to flip the channel if he wakes up.

Our hobbies are sports.  It's awful.

I’d lose my mind over this but I’m also team no tv in the bedroom and definitely not while people are sleeping- not because of the show!

THIS has been a minor challenge in my marriage!  H can't fall asleep unless the tv is on, but I don't fall into a good REM sleep if the tv is on.  I can "doze", but that is about it.

Our compromise is he puts the tv on a 30-minute timer when he goes to bed.  Usually he falls asleep fairly quickly, so it works out.  He also usually goes to bed before I do, so then it isn't even a factor.

CharmedPam

short+sassy said:

THIS has been a minor challenge in my marriage!  H can't fall asleep unless the tv is on, but I don't fall into a good REM sleep if the tv is on.  I can "doze", but that is about it.

Our compromise is he puts the tv on a 30-minute timer when he goes to bed.  Usually he falls asleep fairly quickly, so it works out.  He also usually goes to bed before I do, so then it isn't even a factor.

I can't fall asleep either, without something on!  very quiet I may add.  Thankfully H can sleep either way.  And a timer wouldn't work because when I wake up in the middle of the night I can't go back to bed without the background noise.   It's really fun sharing a room with me.

TrixieJess

kerbohl said:

DH also has expensive hobbies - LARP, Warhammer, and collecting armour sets. We have a room in our house that is legitimately an armory because we needed a place to put it all. And our basement is all the Warhammer ...

FI just sold all his Warhammer stuff. I couldn't believe how much he got for it. He doesn't really play it anymore. He spends his money on Star Wars X-Wing and D&D. 

ShesSoCold

MissKittyDanger said:

ShesSoCold said:

MissKittyDanger said:

ShesSoCold said:

Yeah I don't have a whole lot of hobbies either. H has like 1,000 (and they're all expensive, that ass).

I cook and bake and go to bears and hawks games. That's about it. But I'm also the type of person that needs a lot of sleep and a significant about of "down time" to function. So working 9 hours a day, commuting for one, plus cooking probably 2 hours, working out, doesn't give me a ton of free time on a daily basis. Plus, like LW, I do a lot more of the cleaning and day-to-day household stuff.

If my H told me it bothered him, I'd probably try to show him how much I actually do do. Like, okay, dude. You get and sort the mail, pay the bills, make dinner and lunches, clean, walk the dog, make grocery lists and meal plan, meal prep on the weekends, budget, get the oil changed and do the laundry. I'll be working on my interpretive dance.

M's hobbies are expensive too lol
What's your H into?

Hunting, fishing, shooting. He plays bass, he has a motorcycle that's older than I am that constantly needs work and parts. Tattoos. I'm sure there's more.

Bolded plus gaming is M lol
Tatts too, but idk if M has enough to consider it a hobby - we both have 5 lol

I consider the tattoos a hobby mostly because they cost a couple grand a year and he tries to go about once a month. His arms are both full sleeves and he's working on his legs now.

6fsn

short+sassy said:

STARMOON44 said:

6fsn said:

DH got really mad at me one night because I turned on the Housewives in our bedroom.  He was asleep but woke up all "I can't stand these whiny womenblah blah blah" he started stopping around and grabbing stuff to sleep on the couch.  That may have been the most pissed he's ever been at me.

I finally go him to settle down and now I know to flip the channel if he wakes up.

Our hobbies are sports.  It's awful.

I’d lose my mind over this but I’m also team no tv in the bedroom and definitely not while people are sleeping- not because of the show!

THIS has been a minor challenge in my marriage!  H can't fall asleep unless the tv is on, but I don't fall into a good REM sleep if the tv is on.  I can "doze", but that is about it.

Our compromise is he puts the tv on a 30-minute timer when he goes to bed.  Usually he falls asleep fairly quickly, so it works out.  He also usually goes to bed before I do, so then it isn't even a factor.

We were fall asleep with the tv on people long before we started dating so it’s normallya non-issue, except the one time in over 14 years of living together.