Wedding Party

Member of Wedding Party Death

One of my best friends--he was going to be on my side of our wedding crew--died very unexpectedly just over a month ago. (Our wedding is in November.) When we started planning, I had a number of other friends who I wanted by my side, but my FH didn't, so we decided to keep it limited (we each have 4 crew members). I'm having a hard time figuring out what to do--I absolutely don't want another friend to feel like they are a runner-up (though I know who I would ask if there's a way to do this?), and I'm also afraid that more noticeable acknowledgements of his absence (things I've seen like leaving a space for him, having someone carry his photo, etc.) will make me sad during my wedding day, and when I look back at photos later. Also, a lot of our guests were friends with him too, and I don't want to trigger their grief either. I know I'm going to wear a locket with his photo in it, as a more private way to keep him close that day. Any other creative ideas or suggestions? 

Re: Member of Wedding Party Death

  • merenose said:
    One of my best friends--he was going to be on my side of our wedding crew--died very unexpectedly just over a month ago. (Our wedding is in November.) When we started planning, I had a number of other friends who I wanted by my side, but my FH didn't, so we decided to keep it limited (we each have 4 crew members). I'm having a hard time figuring out what to do--I absolutely don't want another friend to feel like they are a runner-up (though I know who I would ask if there's a way to do this?), and I'm also afraid that more noticeable acknowledgements of his absence (things I've seen like leaving a space for him, having someone carry his photo, etc.) will make me sad during my wedding day, and when I look back at photos later. Also, a lot of our guests were friends with him too, and I don't want to trigger their grief either. I know I'm going to wear a locket with his photo in it, as a more private way to keep him close that day. Any other creative ideas or suggestions? 
    I'm sorry for your loss.  Just wanted to reiterate everything MariePoppy said, especially about "replacing" your bridesman.  Asking anyone else at this point, where the rest of your party has already been asked for a while, will make whoever you ask feel like a seat-filler and not like an honor (even if that is not your intention).  Leave the sides as they are:  Those who knew your friend will miss him, but your WP will look perfectly fine with 3 on one side and 4 on the other.  
    ahoyweddingSTARMOON44InLoveInQueens
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    OP, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm going to echo everything PPs have said. Do not "replace" this bridesman. Any sort of "memorial" will be a sobering and morbid addition to what should be a happy event. Play his favorite song during the dance, or have his favorite appetizer as one of the cocktail hour dishes. But make whatever you do private. 

    As far as the friend you wished you would have asked originally, you can honor them by asking them to do a reading, and/or to join you while you are getting ready. Being a guest is also an honor in itself. 

    For lurkers: Sides do not have to be equal, ask who you are closest to. The OP is precisely right in feeling like anyone else she asks now will feel like they are "runner up." In addition, how awful would you feel if you were asked to "replace" a recently deceased friend? 


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    charlotte989875downtondivaahoywedding
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