Step Father

knottiede6953c4cd30da22

Hi everyone! I am having some problems with how to include my step dad in the wedding. 

My father passed away 5 years ago and my mom remarried only this past year. My step father has only been in my life for about 2 years. My plan is for my mom to walk me down the aisle and dance with me. I have two brothers and two uncles I am really close with so I didn't know who to choose so I figured my mom should just do both. I was extremely close with my father and although I love my step dad, I would feel like he was replacing my dad at my wedding which is a way I do not want to feel. 

But I want to include my step dad because he is paying for part of the wedding. Should I have him just do a reading? Any other ideas of what I can do? 

Casadena

If you think he would enjoy giving a reading that would be nice.  Otherwise I think it's perfectly appropriate to seat him toward the front with your mother and maybe give him a boutonniere (if you are doing them).  There is nothing wrong with just being an honored guest! 

short+sassy

I also think honoring him by asking him to do a reading would be nice.  I also think it would be nice to dance with him at some point in the evening, just not for a spotlight dance.

I was in a similar situation to you, when I got married.  My father passed away when I was in college.  My wedding/reception was at my mom/step dad's house.  My mom primarily paid for it, but I know my stepdad contributed also.  Plus, it was at his house!  I'd known him for many years at that point, but I was already an adult living away from home when he entered the picture.

It's perfectly fine to have your mother walk you down the aisle.  That's what I did.  We didn't have "parent" dances, so that wasn't a factor.  I wouldn't think your stepdad would even expect to step into either of those roles. 

What my FI and I did do, for both my mom and stepdad, is thank them for their generosity and for hosting all of it.  We also gave individual gifts to them. 

Jen4948

Why not have both your mother and your stepfather walk you down the aisle, and have a special (if not a spotlight) dance with him?

Beyond that, I'd ask him for ideas on how he can be "included."

MairePoppy

Since your Step-Father is paying for your wedding, it would be nice to list him and your mother as hosts on your invitations, as in Elizabeth and John Smith, cordially request your presence, at the marriage of her daughter......

Your Step-Father should be seated with your mom at the ceremony and reception and should receive a boutonniere. I think it would be very nice to have him do a reading at your ceremony. 

There is no way to replace your own dad, as you know. I'm very sorry for your loss.

MesmrEwe

When it comes to the reading, I'd say if that's something he'd normally be comfortable with being asked to do.  I wouldn't do it for doing it's sake, but if it's something that he's got the interest in doing, and his doing so would add to the meaningfulness of the ceremony, go for it...

Yes, I agree on the invite to list as he's hosting with your Mom (and FIL's too if they're hosting as well) and absolutely yes to the bout and being seated with your Mom at all points (unless they're a "we love working the crowd" couple at the reception) as well..

You never know, it could be a "game day decision" and you have both your Mom and SD walk you down the aisle.  Or you could even decide to walk solo.  Do not overthink this.  You aren't "replacing your Dad" in any of this regardless of what you ultimately decide.  

MobKaz

knottiede6953c4cd30da22 said:

Hi everyone! I am having some problems with how to include my step dad in the wedding. 

My father passed away 5 years ago and my mom remarried only this past year. My step father has only been in my life for about 2 years. My plan is for my mom to walk me down the aisle and dance with me. I have two brothers and two uncles I am really close with so I didn't know who to choose so I figured my mom should just do both. I was extremely close with my father and although I love my step dad, I would feel like he was replacing my dad at my wedding which is a way I do not want to feel. 

But I want to include my step dad because he is paying for part of the wedding. Should I have him just do a reading? Any other ideas of what I can do? 

I agree that walking with your mom up the aisle makes the most sense.  To me, that is a very intimate component of the ceremony, and regardless of your feelings for your mom's husband, it seems appropriate to walk only with your mom.

The other factor to consider is how he would feel about having a role in your wedding.  He may not want to feel intrusive or presumptuous either. 

It is thoughtful for you to consider him, but I don't think his financial contribution should necessarily be a factor.  We paid for DD and DS's weddings and had zero expectations.  My son opted not to do a mother/son dance and I was fine with it.  He was awkward enough dancing with his bride, as it is SO not his "thing".  My DIL also chose not to dance with her dad. Finances should not dictate roles and could also be construed as "offensive" if the paying party felt that was the factor driving the motive, if that makes sense.