Just Engaged and Proposals

Proposal Tips

Hi everyone! Just found out yesterday that I'm getting engaged!  We went to visit my SO's grandmother for mother's day, and she gave him his great-grandmother's ring to give me. We originally were planning to get engaged in a year, when he graduates, but because his family has been pressuring him, he decided that he's going to propose on our 5 year anniversary in July.  He hates surprises/is really bad at planning them, so he wanted to let me know so I would be prepared.  Any things you guys wish you would have done before getting engaged?  Obviously, I'm going to get a manicure, but other ideas would be welcome!

Re: Proposal Tips

  • We've been dating for 5 years and definitely want to get engaged, we just didn't want to have a long engagement, which we will now be having.
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
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    Getting engaged because of pressure from your family is a recipe for disaster. I speak from experience! 

    ahoyweddingSTARMOON44
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
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    Don’t get engaged because that’s what his family wants. What’s the harm in him keeping the ring for a year until he graduates and the two of you are actually ready? 


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    STARMOON44
  • ernursejernursej
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    An engagement should be special for the two people involved. Tell family to back off and it will happen when it happens. I got engaged on my house couch wearing a fuzzy robe. It was perfect because it was about my H knowing what I preferred and taking that into consideration. There was no ring because he knew that I would enjoy being part of ring shopping. We got engaged 7 years after meeting and married at 8 years. If we had bowed to family and friend pressure we would have been in a very different place that wouldn't have made either of us happy.

    The ring can sit in a drawer/safe and be just fine for another year. If the ring comes with strings, it can be returned and something new found.


    ahoyweddingSTARMOON44InLoveInQueens
  • Thanks guys for your feedback! Just so you know, it's not that big of a deal for either of us to be getting engaged early. He's just about done with his PhD and I'm in med school, so we wouldn't be rushing into anything. Also, his grandmother is almost 90 and just finished battling breast cancer, so I would hate to deprive her of seeing us get engaged.  I probably shouldn't have even brought up the pressuring thing - it was only to make the point that I was caught off guard a bit and don't feel prepared just yet. I really appreciate all of your concern though!
  • Thanks guys for your feedback! Just so you know, it's not that big of a deal for either of us to be getting engaged early. He's just about done with his PhD and I'm in med school, so we wouldn't be rushing into anything. Also, his grandmother is almost 90 and just finished battling breast cancer, so I would hate to deprive her of seeing us get engaged.  I probably shouldn't have even brought up the pressuring thing - it was only to make the point that I was caught off guard a bit and don't feel prepared just yet. I really appreciate all of your concern though!
    How did you not feel prepared?  You already had a plan in place to get engaged in a year, so there really isn't much to prepare for.  You know it is going to happen and obviously (hopefully) want it to happen so there really isn't much more to prepare for at this point.

    I know everyone has their way of doing things, but I will never understand planning things out so much.  I guess, for me, it takes all the surprise and excitement out of it.  For me I don't have a set plan in place for things like others may do.  I just let things happen when they happen so that is why it is hard for me to understand setting a timeline for things.  But if that works for you and makes you happy, than go for it!
    charlotte989875ahoyweddingInLoveInQueensernursej
  • I wished I would have brushed my hair and put on makeup. But since it was a surprise I didn't. And it really didn't matter. 
    ernursejnightnerd
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
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    Hi everyone! Just found out yesterday that I'm getting engaged!  We went to visit my SO's grandmother for mother's day, and she gave him his great-grandmother's ring to give me. We originally were planning to get engaged in a year, when he graduates, but because his family has been pressuring him, he decided that he's going to propose on our 5 year anniversary in July.  He hates surprises/is really bad at planning them, so he wanted to let me know so I would be prepared.  Any things you guys wish you would have done before getting engaged?  Obviously, I'm going to get a manicure, but other ideas would be welcome!
    Honest advice? Before anyone gets engaged, they should talk out and be on the same page about managing finances, # of kids wanted or not wanted, career plans, religion or lack thereof, division of labor in the household, etc. 
    For OP personally, after 5 years, I expect you two have done that (but maybe not...).

    Nothing wrong with a long engagement. I was engaged for 1.5 years; my sister was engaged for 2 years. We got engaged in the midst of graduate degrees too, and planned the wedding for right after we both graduated. Some people think that wedding planning while being in school and working is hard, but I didn't, for what that's worth.

    Congrats and good luck! 


    ________________________________


    ahoyweddingclimbingwifecharlotte989875ernursej
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
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    Thanks guys for your feedback! Just so you know, it's not that big of a deal for either of us to be getting engaged early. He's just about done with his PhD and I'm in med school, so we wouldn't be rushing into anything. Also, his grandmother is almost 90 and just finished battling breast cancer, so I would hate to deprive her of seeing us get engaged.  I probably shouldn't have even brought up the pressuring thing - it was only to make the point that I was caught off guard a bit and don't feel prepared just yet. I really appreciate all of your concern though!
    How did you not feel prepared?  You already had a plan in place to get engaged in a year, so there really isn't much to prepare for.  You know it is going to happen and obviously (hopefully) want it to happen so there really isn't much more to prepare for at this point.

    I know everyone has their way of doing things, but I will never understand planning things out so much.  I guess, for me, it takes all the surprise and excitement out of it.  For me I don't have a set plan in place for things like others may do.  I just let things happen when they happen so that is why it is hard for me to understand setting a timeline for things.  But if that works for you and makes you happy, than go for it!


    This. I'm an obsessive planner and even I think "preparing" for a proposal is a bit much.

    My H and I picked out the stone for my E ring together, went to the jeweler to pick out a setting together, we'd talked about marriage, etc. The fact that we were getting engaged wasn't a surprise to anyone. But the day he picked up the ring and we went to dinner, THAT was a surprise when he asked me. Had he told me that he was going to propose on X day, I would have wondered why he didn't just do it then.

    OP, you and your boyfriend are thinking too much about the proposal itself (can I reiterate that I mean the proposal itself and you're not over-thinking getting engaged or married).

    You don't need to prepare to receive a ring. Your proposal doesn't need to be (and won't be, since you've already over-planned your way out of that) this huge hallmark moment you see on TV. Just let it happen, manicure or not.

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    [Deleted User]ahoyweddingcharlotte989875
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    Thanks guys for your feedback! Just so you know, it's not that big of a deal for either of us to be getting engaged early. He's just about done with his PhD and I'm in med school, so we wouldn't be rushing into anything. Also, his grandmother is almost 90 and just finished battling breast cancer, so I would hate to deprive her of seeing us get engaged.  I probably shouldn't have even brought up the pressuring thing - it was only to make the point that I was caught off guard a bit and don't feel prepared just yet. I really appreciate all of your concern though!
    Why don't you feel prepared? 

    My H proposed to me after dating for 5 months. It was a complete surprise, and I was dirty and sweaty as we'd been hiking up literally the rock of Gibraltar. But I never once felt that I needed to be prepared. And I'm a planner. 

    charlotte989875
  • lightningsnowlightningsnow New Hampshire
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    I agree with PPs about not getting engaged due to family pressure. I understand you wanting to be engaged. I've been with my FI almost 9 years(our anniversary is at the end of the mouth) and he didn't propose until this past November. We were constantly getting the pressure from both sides of the family but neither one of us let it dictate when we got engaged.

    There are lots of things that need to be discussed prior to getting engaged and I would hope at 5 years you guys have started to do so. You both want to be on the same page in regards to everything in the future. 

    BTW, my FI took me completely by surprise with his proposal and the poor guy ended up having to plan it completely on the fly. 
    Formerly known as bubbles053009





  • I'm late to the party here, so you may already be engaged by now. If so, congrats! If not, I'd say definitely have that conversation regarding how you both feel about being engaged. My FI and I both felt pressure from our families regarding an engagement too, but decided to do it on our own terms/timeline. His family is going to be shocked when we finally tell them! You should do what's best for your relationship not your family's expectations. Also, I highly recommend having a conversation regarding budget beforehand! 
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