Moms and Maids

Can't choose a maid of honor

Okay guys I need your help! I'm having a really hard time picking a maid of honor. I'm an only child with no childhood BFF. My two closest friends are my roommate of 2 years and friend for 3, and another girl who I've been friends with for a little over a year. My fiance is dead against having two Maids of Honor so I have to pick just one. My roommate is a few years younger than me and I've been feeling lately like we've been drifting apart just a little, but she is in the process of moving out and that could be part of it. She definitely knows my fiance better and very much understands my personal style, even though it's different from hers. We both have a very similar life background although different tastes. My other friend has a lot in common with me and we seem to be constantly getting closer. She has called me her best friend and I feel inclined to reciprocate. She's about my age and has been married before with a little girl who will be four years old at my wedding and the flower girl. She has told me that she is super excited to help me plan my wedding. However she's in nursing school and by the time I am getting married will be working in the hospital a lot.

Any thoughts?

Re: Can't choose a maid of honor

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree with everything @missfrodo said.

    Your FI has no voice in this decision.  However, even if you designate two MOH's, you will still have to make choices as to who walks with FI's BM if you have your bridal party process or recess as couples.  You will still have to choose who stands immediately beside you, or assumes other ceremonial MOH roles.

    If you had a crisis or unexpected windfall, which of these ladies would you call first?  That's your MOH. 
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Your FI has no say in your wedding party. If you want to have 2 MOHs, have them. It's not up to him. Your sides also don't have to be even. You just pick the people you want to stand up with you. 

    Also, your MOH is someone that YOU are honoring. It's not the other way around, and your MOH is not your wedding planner. They are not required to do anything but show up the day of, in whatever dress/outfit you've agreed upon. If they offer help, that's great. But it's not something you should be expecting. 
  • Just don't have a MOH.  Easy solution.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In this situation, I would say no MOH.

    Tell your FI to get over himself. He gets exactly 0 say in this decision. 
  • I'm with the other PPs.  If none of these women are a clear MOH for you, than just have them all be BMs.  You don't specifically need a MOH.

    I'm also getting the impression that you might think a MOH has all these pre-wedding duties.  They don't.  Often, a member of the BP...or the whole BP...throws a bachelorette and/or shower.  But that is a choice that anyone, even someone outside the BP, can choose to make.  Or choose not to throw. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Your FI is not entitled to make any decisions about your side of the wedding party. I'd tell him that this is one instance in which he does not get a say, just as his side of the wedding party is one instance in which you do not get a say.

    You don't have to choose an MOH. Or if you decide you want an MOH, you don't have to limit yourself to only one. If your recessional calls for pairing off attendants, I'd just have the best man walk together with both or all your MOHs -- or come up with an arrangement where this doesn't matter.
  • Your FI has no say over who you choose to be in your WP. Your WP also is not chosen for who is better equipped to help. MOH is a symbolic role, and really the only thing that makes them stand apart from other BMs is that they're the one standing next to you during the ceremony. They're often the one signing the marriage license, but we had our moms do that. I have two sisters & my WP was them + my goddaughter. I considered my sisters both MOHs, but really no one could tell either way. 

    It kind of seems like you're trying to make a BFF situation where there maybe isn't one. Ask the people you're closest to if they would stand up with you during the ceremony and don't worry about the MOH role. If anyone offers to help with wedding planning stuff you can certainly take them up on it, but it's not anything they're required to do. I've been in weddings where I offered to help and where I was more or less forced to help, and there was a real difference in how I felt about those friends during that process. My WP all lived far away so they weren't able to help with anything and it was just fine.
  • Also, according to your other posts, you're not engaged yet and plan to have a long engagement. Don't choose your wedding party until about 10ish months out from your actual wedding date. Relationships change and people come in and out of our lives. You don't want to put yourself in the position of having to ask someone to step down, nor would you probably want someone you're not close with anymore being in your wedding. But from your first post you have a MOH already so I guess you're going to do what you want. 
  • i agree with these people i guess. your FI has no right to say what he doesn't approve about your side of the wedding, and you have no obligation to follow whatever he's saying. i know it's the wedding of you and him, but the decision to take someone as your MOH or bridesmaid and how many of them, is really up to you. as long as you're final with it and you can afford the costs of having them as your MOH and bridesmaid
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