Dear Prudence,
I am a 24-year-old college student just a few months away from completing my bachelor’s. A year ago, I started dating one of my current partners. We both fell hard for each other, fast, and are deeply in love. They’re kind, considerate, an excellent communicator, and can make me laugh like no one else—but recently moved five hours (by train) away from me. We’d previously talked about moving in together, but now that would mean leaving the city I’ve lived in for the past seven years and all the friends I’ve made there. I’d be farther away from my other partner (who’s also long-distance). I’d have to find a new therapist and psychiatrist, learn to drive, and find a job, all while dealing with the change. That would be fine, but my partner is unsure about their own life plans right now. They’ve never had a job for more than nine months, have a pattern of picking up and moving every year or two, are miserably depressed in their current job (which they thought they would love), and generally have no idea where they’re going or what their plans are for the future. I’m ready to settle down, but they’re worried they’ll leave this new city within the year, and I’ll have turned my entire life upside down for nothing. I want to live with them so badly, and while they’re interested in continuing to date long-distance, being apart from them is so painful to me. But given their instability, I have no idea if I should start my postgrad life by moving in with them. This is eating me up inside. Please help.
—Should I Move?