Deceased father, but mother in relationship

Knottie5fa44a2bcbc213bf

Hello! I'm new to these forums so please forgive me if I am repeating a topic that someone has already mentioned. My wedding is this September, and my FI and I are starting to plan the timeline and such of the day. My father passed away in 2011, and my mom began dating her boyfriend in 2012, so he has been in our lives for 6 years now. I have asked my brother to walk me down the aisle and plan to dance with him in place of the father/daughter dance. My mom refers to her boyfriend as her husband and will refer to him as our step father. How do I have them introduced at the reception without offending them, but also, without raising a million questions for the guests (everyone knows my mother has not remarried)? Also, how can I include her boyfriend in the day without offending any of my father's family (they are not fond of my mother's new relationship)? Thank you! 

Casadena

I would just have your mother's boyfriend walk down the aisle with her and seat him in the front row with her.  I don't' know if you're doing programs, but there is no need to specifically list him in any fashion if you're not comfortable doing so.  You don't to do anything more to "include" him than you would anyone else's date. 

For the introductions (which are definitely not necessary, so you could easily cut them if you're worried about offending anyone) I would do something like "Mother of the Bride, Jane Doe - accompanied by John Smith". 

MobKaz

Knottie5fa44a2bcbc213bf said:

Hello! I'm new to these forums so please forgive me if I am repeating a topic that someone has already mentioned. My wedding is this September, and my FI and I are starting to plan the timeline and such of the day. My father passed away in 2011, and my mom began dating her boyfriend in 2012, so he has been in our lives for 6 years now. I have asked my brother to walk me down the aisle and plan to dance with him in place of the father/daughter dance. My mom refers to her boyfriend as her husband and will refer to him as our step father. How do I have them introduced at the reception without offending them, but also, without raising a million questions for the guests (everyone knows my mother has not remarried)? Also, how can I include her boyfriend in the day without offending any of my father's family (they are not fond of my mother's new relationship)? Thank you! 

I'm sorry for your loss. 

Are you having a typical procession?  If you are, your mom's SO can sit in the front row, and wait for her while she processes up with the bridal party.  That is what is typically done and should not cause any offense.  Although unusual, you could also do as @Casadena suggests, and have your mom and her SO process up together.

The best way to introduce them at the reception without offending anyone is to speak the truth.  Again, @Casadena has the most benign and appropriate manner.  I also agree, however, that bridal party introductions are completely unncessary.  I believe my daughter introduced her bridal party members, but not the parents, at her reception.  My son had no introductions at his reception. 

If you want, you could have your mom's SO wear a bouttoneire.  Rather than worry about offending your dad's family, perhaps you could incorporate some subtle tributes to your dad in his honor, that they would recognize, but would also not create any undo sadness.  Did he have a favorite upbeat song you could play during the reception?  Did your dad have a favorite food that you could incorporate into the cocktail or dinner menu?  Was he known for anything, such as a color, print or pattern that you could incorporate into your flowers or decor? 

Welcome to The Knot!

climbingsingle

I think you can introduce them into the reception like this:

"Please welcome the bride's mother, escorted by Boyfriend's Name"

I don't think you need to do anything further to recognize him for the day, unless you feel it necessary. 

short+sassy

I am so sorry for your loss.  My own father passed away at only 49, which was years before I got married.  I do understand some of what you are going through.

As for your mother's b/f, I don't think there is much you need to do "extra" to make him feel included.  He will certainly sit in a place of honor, toward the front with your mother.  I also like the idea of giving him a bouttoneire, but you don't have to.

And if any of your father's family is offended by those normal gestures, they can go pound sand.  I would hope that if they do feel offended (for no reason), they would at least have the decency to not bring that up to you on your wedding day.  Or ever.

I agree with the other PPs.  Either don't have introductions, most weddings I've been to haven't had those anyway, or use the term "escorted by".  I'm with you.  People are either married or they aren't.  It isn't a game of horseshoes.  So I'm not comfortable calling someone's SO their "husband" or "wife', if that person is not.  If you're introducing him to other guests, I would probably try to avoid describing the relationship all together, if you think calling him your mother's b/f instead of H would bother her.  Like, "Cousin Lulu!  I don't think you've met John Doe."

MairePoppy

climbingwife said:

I think you can introduce them into the reception like this:

"Please welcome the bride's mother, escorted by Boyfriend's Name"

I don't think you need to do anything further to recognize him for the day, unless you feel it necessary. 

^^This^^
There is no need to explain the relationship during introductions - either the announced type, or when you are introducing the man to individuals. 

If you are giving bouts and corsages to the VIPs, you could include your mother's partner, your brother and all the grandparents. And get pictures with them. 

Jen4948

MairePoppy said:

climbingwife said:

I think you can introduce them into the reception like this:

"Please welcome the bride's mother, escorted by Boyfriend's Name"

I don't think you need to do anything further to recognize him for the day, unless you feel it necessary. 

^^This^^
There is no need to explain the relationship during introductions - either the announced type, or when you are introducing the man to individuals. 

If you are giving bouts and corsages to the VIPs, you could include your mother's partner, your brother and all the grandparents. And get pictures with them. 

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I don't think there's any need to introduce anyone besides yourself and your FI, but if you do it, I would do it this way or using @Casadena's method.