Wedding Etiquette Forum

what all do i pay for?!?!?!?!

I will definitely be paying for my BMs to have their hair and make up done professionally. Do I need to pay for the house party too? They are going to be able to get ready with us if they want, but obviously since they aren't standing at the altar with us, I am not going to require a fancy up-do or flawless make up. 
I have 5 BM's and 4 in the house party. I want to be fair but also don't want to be shelling out $$ left and right if we can avoid it on this end.
«1

Re: what all do i pay for?!?!?!?!

  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I will definitely be paying for my BMs to have their hair and make up done professionally. Do I need to pay for the house party too? They are going to be able to get ready with us if they want, but obviously since they aren't standing at the altar with us, I am not going to require a fancy up-do or flawless make up. 
    I have 5 BM's and 4 in the house party. I want to be fair but also don't want to be shelling out $$ left and right if we can avoid it on this end.
    Well... I think the vast majority of people who will read this are not pro-house party. 

    General rule- If you are requiring hair/makeup professionally, then yes, you pay for that. However, if your house party is getting ready with your bridesmaids, then I think you'd have an inequality issue playing out if some people are covered and others aren't. So, if you're all getting ready together, I think you need to pay for anyone getting professional services. 
    ________________________________


    charlotte989875ernursej
  • MRDCleMRDCle member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I had to google house party - yeah I think it would be kind of rude to pay for the BP and have the HP getting ready in the same spot without paying for theirs. 
    charlotte989875InLoveInQueensPrettyGirlLost
  • justsiejustsie member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    What in the world is a house party? I've never heard of that. I agree with PP, if you are requiring them to get hair/make up you pick up the tab. There shouldn't be people hanging around being treated unequally when getting ready. Either optional for all or pay for all if everyone is getting ready together.
    image
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Wait, a house party is like a bridesmaid understudy? If one breaks down, you have a backup? Or just "you're great and all, but not quite good enough"?
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    InLoveInQueens
  • Because all of these are people standing up for you I think you need to treat them as fairly as possible and pay for all.
    charlotte989875
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I've never heard of a house party, but it sounds pretty tacky. 

    ei34MyNameIsNotInLoveInQueens
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I've never heard of a house party, but it sounds pretty tacky. 
    It's been quite a while since we had anyone bring it up. I'd almost forgotten about it. It was supposedly a Southern thing, but obviously it's just a tacky thing, and I think people on the whole are realizing that and moving away from it.

    Most people.
    thisismynickname2MairePoppyInLoveInQueensPrettyGirlLost
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Way to tell the house party they're important to you, but not actually that important. Nothing like being a spare to make you feel super special. 


    image
    ei34InLoveInQueensPrettyGirlLost
  • I've never heard of a house party.  But, from the context, I'm assuming these are people who are not in the BP, but are hanging out getting ready with the bride and the BP.

    I agree with the PPs.  This is all or nothing.  The best way to do this is make the hair and MU optional for everyone.  Then, you aren't obligated to pay for any of it.  A lot of people like those options for a formal event, but your pics will be just as beautiful even if some people do their own.

    Mention to the BP and the HP that you are going to have a hair and MU artist available, if they would like to partake.  It will be $XX for hair and $XX for MU.  You need an answer by X date, so the stylist/artist can staff/manage time appropriately.

    For someone like myself...who rarely likes what professionals do with my hair and MU...I would secretly be so grateful to avoid the torture and annoyance of that experience.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I will definitely be paying for my BMs to have their hair and make up done professionally. Do I need to pay for the house party too? They are going to be able to get ready with us if they want, but obviously since they aren't standing at the altar with us, I am not going to require a fancy up-do or flawless make up. 
    I have 5 BM's and 4 in the house party. I want to be fair but also don't want to be shelling out $$ left and right if we can avoid it on this end.
    Are you requiring them to "shell out money left and right"?  Are you requiring these HM's to purchase a specific colored dress and/or shoes?  If you are, then you need to reciprocate.

    FYI, although you are paying for hair and make up for your "official" wedding party members, I hope you gave them some options.  Are they being required to have their hair and make up done professionally?  Are you insisting they all have cloned up-do hair styles and flawless make up?  Paying or not, you should still allow your BM's to be comfortable in (literally) their own skin.
    InLoveInQueensernursej
  • ei34ei34 member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Up until reading this post, a house party was when someone’s parents went away in high school and we all got drunk in their house  :D you learn something new every day...

    Honestly OP, having nine friends in two different ranks, where fewer are on the “you’re not good enough side”, sounds like it’ll be hurtful.  It’s definitely tacky.  If you’re going ahead with it anyway, maybe offer professional services to everyone but not require it of anyone.  That way you don’t have to pay for anyone (and your BP will know they’re your cherished friends regardless of how they look).
    sparklepants41ernursejMesmrEweTrixieJess
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Please quit referring to a HP as a southern thing! I was raised in the south and have family all over the south and have never heard of a HP before TK! None of my friends (from a southern high school or university) had one nor did I. Sorry for my rant but I can't stand it when something is tacky and blamed on a region!
    MobKaz
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    House parties sound like understudy wedding parties. I wouldn't do that because it could be really hurtful. It says to these people that they didn't make the cut to be full-fledged wedding party members.

    That said, if you require anything of anyone that involves your wedding, you need to pay for it.
    InLoveInQueens
  • Please quit referring to a HP as a southern thing! I was raised in the south and have family all over the south and have never heard of a HP before TK! None of my friends (from a southern high school or university) had one nor did I. Sorry for my rant but I can't stand it when something is tacky and blamed on a region!
    Same. I'm from Houston as is most of my friends which OP posted in those boards as well. I've never heard of this house party thing.
    image
    Jen4948
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Please quit referring to a HP as a southern thing! I was raised in the south and have family all over the south and have never heard of a HP before TK! None of my friends (from a southern high school or university) had one nor did I. Sorry for my rant but I can't stand it when something is tacky and blamed on a region!
    Yeah, I think the only people we ever heard do it were from somewhere in Texas, and they've been the ones to try to pass it off as a "Southern thing" (i.e. it's tradition, it's okay, they understand me, you wouldn't understand).

    But then we quickly had people from the South like you and @justsie who had never heard of it and wouldn't dream of it, because it's tacky.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Please quit referring to a HP as a southern thing! I was raised in the south and have family all over the south and have never heard of a HP before TK! None of my friends (from a southern high school or university) had one nor did I. Sorry for my rant but I can't stand it when something is tacky and blamed on a region!
    This! Everyone please stop blaming whatever awful "tradition" you can think of on the south. We have enough actual bad history to deal with; we don't need people making things up to pile on. I've lived my whole life around the south, and this is absolutely not a southern thing, and no self respecting southerner that I've ever met would consider doing something like this. 

    OP, it really doesn't matter whether you pay for anything. These people already know that you're intentionally insulting them. Adding makeup is not going to make them any less humiliated to be treated this way, and it's not going to make them think you actually care about them. You'd be a lot better off apologizing for even thinking of doing this, and spending the money to make it right.
  • I'm sorry southerners!! It came up a few times when I was looking up wedding stuff here in NC, but most of the times I saw it was in relation to Jenna Bush's wedding. Maybe it's more old-timey Texas? (Also, she had 1 MOH and a 14-person HP which...what? why?). I updated my response, hopefully that's better!
  • edited June 2018
    I still don’t understand what a house party is. Are they just people you invite/allow to hang out with you while you get ready? 

    Eta: is Texas considered the South?? I grew up in the Midwest so definitely not an expert but I would never lump it in with them. Southwest maybe.
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    And as we all know the Knot is not always correct when it comes to all things wedding! I still stand by my assertion that it is not a "southern thang"!
    MyNameIsNotMairePoppyMesmrEwe
  • And as we all know the Knot is not always correct when it comes to all things wedding! I still stand by my assertion that it is not a "southern thang"!


    I'm not originally from the South, but I've lived in Louisiana for over 20 years.  I've never heard of a HP.

    I'd also like to point out that "tradition" doesn't always mean "everybody does it".  Like those "fundraiser" stag and doe parties I've sometimes read about on here.  There are particular regions of the country where they are sometimes, but not usually, done.  And people from those areas know what they are.  But they aren't done at all in other places and people aren't familiar with them.

    Maybe, in times gone by, these HPs were occasionally seen in the South.  Maybe it was only a few regions in the South, but the whole South gets lumped in.  Maybe it's false information completely that these hail from the South but, since Jenna Bush had one in our recent times, that's the conclusion people jump to.  But, however you slice it, they don't seem to be that common anymore in any/most regions.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    MairePoppy
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Yes, Jenna Bush had a house party. The wedding happened to be in Texas. Now, I can see where the former president's daughter might have many acquaintances who might feel honored to be tasked with sitting near the guest book, ladling punch, or directing guests to the escort card table, but most of us would know that being in a house party is a runner up position. 

    knottie#s, I don't know exactly what the function of your house party is, but if you have already invited them to get ready with you, then yes, they should be treated the same as your bm. If you haven't already invited them to dress with you, don't. 

                       
    ei34MesmrEwesparklepants41short+sassy
  • I am so glad people explained that a house party is a tacky bridesmaid runner up consolation prize because I was thinking "of course you have to pay for the house you're having your get ready gathering in, why wouldn't you?"

    Hahaha! I totally thought the same thing.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards