Creating Vows for Best Friends Wedding

Ladeda123

Hi. I am creating and officiating the ceremony for my friends wedding and I know they would like personalized vows but are not comfortable creating them themselves. I was planning to ask them a bunch of questions individually in hopes to format their answers into personal vows for them. Any good questions to ask to help pull out a lot of great information to make the vows really special? For example: Her pet peeve is him leaving wet towels on the bed so I was thinking one of his vows would be something like "I promise to support you and make our home a loving and happy place....without wet towels on the beds" ..something like that. 
So I was going to ask them both their pet peeves, what the other person does to make them smile when nothing else can, what does the other person do that makes them laugh, best quality, funniest quirk, when they knew it was love, what makes them 'the one', something that always reminds them of the other person, etc

any other good questions to format into vows???

Jen4948

I think you need to cross all this cutesy fluff off your list and start over. As a guest, I'm there to witness them make promises that constitute the framework for the rest of their lives together. All this stuff you have about what makes each other smile or laugh, quirks and pet peeves doesn't constitute promises, and to be quite honest, it's cringeworthy as well. The couple are not two little kids playing grown-ups, but these questions infantilize them. And when they knew it was "love" and each other was "the one" isn't promises either. If that gets used at all anywhere, then I'd have the couple write letters with that to each other that they read in private.

In all honesty, if the couple doesn't know what they want to promise each other, I'd start with standardized vows and modify them so that they reflect the couple's feelings and tastes rather than trying to be cute.

ILoveBeachMusic

I agree with Jen. Cutesy stuff makes me cringe. Also inside jokes aren't appropriate. Vows should be serious promises between the couple not that there can't be some smiles along the way but the standard vows have stood the test of time for a reason. Also, there may be requirements in your state/province about things that have to be promised - people have referred to that here previously, so check on that. I think a sentence or two as introduction about love and commitment is ok but then go straight into vows. Again, look at standard vows for a starting point. 

ahoywedding

Ditto PPs. If they want to make inside jokes about pet peeves or whatever other cutesy things, they can write letters to each other the day of. Look up standard vows & required items per your state or province and personalize those. 

Maaaybe if you're doing the equivalent of a homily, you could include something about how long you've known the couple, how they knew they loved each other, etc but those also aren't really "vows." I have seen priests use that time (Catholic weddings) to talk about the couple as people and how he saw their relationship develop, etc. It was really sweet, especially when someone was being married in the church they grew up in. But that's more of a narrative and not something the couple is promising each other. If it's just a short ceremony (which I would imagine it to be if they have a friend officiating), narrative time from the officiant isn't typically expected. 

ernursej

Agree with the above. Double check what you are held to for being able to officiate the ceremony and then stick the that. Perhaps a nice 2-3 sentence intro to the ceremony about the couple could include something about how their love is ____ or that you can see how _____ could help make it feel more personal.