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Snarky Brides

Received This Gem in The Mail...

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Re: Received This Gem in The Mail...

  • @frances_l re: the actual notes for the bride and groom - I hoped for actual notes and not just signatures out of my guestbook, but thought about it and realized that from a guest perspective, I am not going to have a time in the reception where I want to stand near the gift table and write out a long note. So I put little notebooks/pens/etc. with "Please leave a note for [us] to revisit on our [table number] anniversary" so people could write in them confortably at their seat at their table. Worked really well.

    Then, you can scrap all the signage and any confusion about function of the one table. Empty table near the door with birdcage = gift table. It's really not at all hard for guests.

    Thanks for the suggestion but we’re content with our plans for this element of our wedding.

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    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    frances_l said:
    @frances_l re: the actual notes for the bride and groom - I hoped for actual notes and not just signatures out of my guestbook, but thought about it and realized that from a guest perspective, I am not going to have a time in the reception where I want to stand near the gift table and write out a long note. So I put little notebooks/pens/etc. with "Please leave a note for [us] to revisit on our [table number] anniversary" so people could write in them confortably at their seat at their table. Worked really well.

    Then, you can scrap all the signage and any confusion about function of the one table. Empty table near the door with birdcage = gift table. It's really not at all hard for guests.

    Thanks for the suggestion but we’re content with our plans for this element of our wedding.

    Sure, fine. Just don't be super surprised if you don't get that many notes, just because that isn't the most convenient location for writing them.

    Anniversary

  • frances_lfrances_l
    10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited July 2018

    Guess we will see then! :)

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    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Do we have to have a bird cage? The planner suggested one (we had not planned to have a gifts table, but she warned us that some people will bring them to the wedding and that there needs to be a place to put them.) Fair enough. Then she brought up the bird cage idea, which, I gather from this site, is now a "thing." But if it is a thing, that means it's code for "give us cash," which we definitely do not want to say.

    My D and her FH received a lovely wooden tray as a wedding present. (I know this because they put me in charge of opening and recording who gave what. Lucky me!) Would it be okay to just use the tray on a discreet table as a place to receive cards or any gifts people bring?

    And can we put the guest book there to make it clear that the tray is for cards, not for depositing used wine glasses? The person who gave them the tray will be at the wedding, and might be pleased to see it being used.
  • Do we have to have a bird cage? The planner suggested one (we had not planned to have a gifts table, but she warned us that some people will bring them to the wedding and that there needs to be a place to put them.) Fair enough. Then she brought up the bird cage idea, which, I gather from this site, is now a "thing." But if it is a thing, that means it's code for "give us cash," which we definitely do not want to say.

    My D and her FH received a lovely wooden tray as a wedding present. (I know this because they put me in charge of opening and recording who gave what. Lucky me!) Would it be okay to just use the tray on a discreet table as a place to receive cards or any gifts people bring?

    And can we put the guest book there to make it clear that the tray is for cards, not for depositing used wine glasses? The person who gave them the tray will be at the wedding, and might be pleased to see it being used.
    Stuck in a box


    No, you don’t have to have a birdcage. It is just trendy atm. A tray next to the guestbook might not be the most obvious place to put cards but if you set a couple (dummy) envelopes on there people will ge the hint. 

    I forgot (to make) the card box for our wedding. We didn’t have a gift table either,  yet our coordinator was able to collect and set aside all the cards and the handful of physical presents people brought. Maybe it caused brief confusion of ‘where do I put this’ but everyone figured it out and moved on. 
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    Guys, she wants to make it explicitly clear that her guests must give her money. Stop trying to give her suggestions to be polite. 

    She doesn't want to be polite. She wants to ensure that everyone is guilted and shamed into giving money, and made to feel like a complete, unwelcome jerk if it is out of their budget. She needs the cash, and it needs to be made explicitly clear that they need money. 

    You can't shame the shameless. 
    MRDCleMyNameIsNotahoyweddingkwiksilver
  • frances_l said:
    Yuck... so as a matter of personal taste, I find these poems just plain corny to me. Receiving this “nursery rhyme” is like getting a card for a little kid’s party instead of a wedding.  :D

    I don't think its exactly "poor taste" to ask for cash gifts. Some cultures have money dances. There's a way to request cash that has a bit more finesse than this poem. It'd be nicer to have it worded something like: "En lieu of box gifts, we kindly request contributions to our newlywed fund. Please visit <link to fund> or send flat gifts to <add address>"

    I have a newlywed fund and I'll also have a bird cage sitting on my guest table with spare envelopes for cash gifts.
    Nope.   There's no way to word it nicely at all.  It *IS* in poor taste to outright ask for cash gifts - no ifs ands or buts.

    It's generally agreed that dollar / money dances are ALSO in poor taste.   If it's part of your culture and all your guests are in that culture and it's expected then there's no need to word it.  It's stated and understood and part of the deal.   That said, so many marriages and families are such a mix of cultures that IMO if you run the risk of offending some of your guests, don't have it.  
  • frances_l said:
    Whether it is offensive or not is completely subjective.

    I'd never advise anyone to leave out a custom at their wedding just because the crowd is mixed and may not "get it." The first time I was introduced to the money dance, I was a guest at a wedding where I didn't share a lot of their customs. I observed how people participated and then I went with the flow. That's the more likely response than clutching pearls and clucking tongues. And it was a mixed crowd. :wink:

    Pointing guests to your newlywed fund isn't bad form especially in the case that it's the only thing in your registry.
    Uhhh, yeah, no. That's tacky as shit. Pretty sure there's no cultures where directing people to a website to give you money is traditional. You're just trying to justify a bad idea.

    And what even is a "newlywed fund"? Some website that takes 7% of your cash gifts?
    Yup. 

    1) You wouldn't have a "newlywed fund" as something on a registry because you know that it's rude to register for cash or anything resembling it so you can't point out guests to something that you wouldn't do because it was so rude to do it in the first place.   

    2) If you opt to have NO registry then you can filter questions as I indicated above.    Registries aren't new.   Calling the newly engaged couple or their families to inquire about what they want as a gift isn't an inconvenience.   If personal phone calls or emails asking this are so inconvenient that both the giver and recipient call them huge inconveniences, it's a sign that our society is in a downward spiral.  
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    MobKaz said:
    The only thing tackier than asking for cash is literally providing EMPTY envelopes for guests at your wedding with the expectation that they should fill them with cash.  Will they be made up to look like cute bank deposit slips?
    Perhaps you should look up traditional Chinese wedding traditions before you shit all over other peoples' culture just because you don't understand them. Red envelopes are a major and expected part of so many traditional holidays and celebrations and have been for generations. It's unfortunate that you have so little respect for cultures outside your own. 

    In general, the level of cultural homogeneity expected on this website is so bizarre. It's like it's expected that if someone is having an intercultural wedding, they should default to Western Miss Manners wedding etiquette in order to not offend anyone, without any consideration of the cultural norms of the other culture involved in the wedding. 

    Enjoy your weird cultural imperialism, I guess. 
    This was a general post about general etiquette.  Overreact much? 

    The OP did not discuss a cultural tradition.  She opted for a cheesy way to ask for cash.  The poster who referenced laying out envelopes also did not, and I dare say, is not, doing so out of any cultural tradition. 

    Asking for cash is NEVER appropriate. 
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