Wedding Woes

Facetime with friends? Join Meetup? Go to drinks with co-workers?

Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend wants less from me—less time, less affection, fewer and shorter conversations, etc. He won’t set boundaries around what he wants, but he gets annoyed or shuts down when I’m around more than he would like. We live in neighboring apartments. He loves me, but he’s very introverted and I’m extroverted. I don’t have many local friends, since I moved to town in the fall to be with him. How do I leave him alone when I know he’s home and I don’t have anyone else to talk to?
—Neighbor Girlfriend

Re: Facetime with friends? Join Meetup? Go to drinks with co-workers?

  • banana468banana468
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    This could go either way:
    Dude could be like my DH who is introverted often and really needs his alone time.

    OR, he could be throwing up signals that he's just not that into her.
    eileenrobcharlotte989875
  • baconsmombaconsmom
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    As an introvert, one of the hardest things is learning how to politely, caringly say, "I love you, but I swear to God if you open your mouth right now I will stab you in your eyeball and cut out your tongue". 

    Usually I go with, "Hey, I need to introvert right now and charge my batteries. I will text you in two hours, okay?" 

    And yeah, Extro, go make some new friends. It's easy for you. 
    image
    mrsconn23banana468OliveOilsMomNBSquared2017
  • banana468 said:
    This could go either way:
    Dude could be like my DH who is introverted often and really needs his alone time.

    OR, he could be throwing up signals that he's just not that into her.
    Completely agree. I think she needs to focus less on his needs and more on her own. Does this work for her? If not, move on. Literally. 
  • banana468banana468
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    banana468 said:
    This could go either way:
    Dude could be like my DH who is introverted often and really needs his alone time.

    OR, he could be throwing up signals that he's just not that into her.
    Completely agree. I think she needs to focus less on his needs and more on her own. Does this work for her? If not, move on. Literally. 
    Exactly.

    In my own marriage I have to compromise at times

    When DH is in the basement or garage I know he needs that time for his sanity. 

    That said, if his alone time is my task time, he takes over on other things so I can have some time to myself.   And eventually we meet up and figure out our time together.  

    We are not a "do all the things together all the time" kind of marriage and that's what makes us work.   If that doesn't work for the LW then she needs to move on.
    charlotte989875
  • So I need way more information. 

    She moved to town to be with him, but they live in separate apartments? And he wants her to be around less, have fewer/shorter conversations, and less affection? Umm, something doesn't seem to add up. 

    I'm and extrovert married to a strong introvert. He has boundaries on social interactions (he wants to know who will be there, how long we're staying) and we have a balance of going out/staying in. BUT he has never made me feel like he didn't want me around, didn't want to spend time with me, or isn't interested in me. He also would never be upset if I went out and extroverted without him. 

    But I need to know how much time LW wants from the BF, what kind of time/attention/affection the BF is giving now, and what the agreement was when LW moved. Because if he's not giving her quality time when they're together, something is off. Maybe LW does need to branch out, but I'm curious what else is going on here? 
    STARMOON44eileenrobshort+sassy
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