Three Rants

frances_l

Our wedding is a month away and sometimes I wish we eloped because my family is getting on my fucking nerves.

1. I am annoyed that people in my family don’t understand how RSVPs work. They think they can just bring however many people they want. They don’t care that there’s NO ROOM and NO MONEY to accommodate extra people. When giving this explanation, in the most polite way, it’s like they didn’t even understand my words. They think it’s a personal attack and get all offended. They don’t care as long as the result is what THEY want. FYI, I made the invitations include a line that states “X seats are reserved for you” and still had people expecting a plus one or scribbling in the number they thought they should have. 

2. Also getting unsolicited advice from my aunt about how we are running our event is annoying me. She’ll give endless suggestions as if I only just started planning and researching my wedding plans yesterday. This is extra challenging since her husband is our officiant. Whenever we have sessions with my uncle she’s always hovering around some where being nosy. “No we don’t want a candle lighting ceremony, no we don’t want an aisle runner or ushers or a facilitator, no I don’t want a garter toss, no I don’t want your unsolicited advice.” 

3. My immediate family is getting an Airbnb very far away from our event venue. The wedding is in San Francisco and they are staying all the way in San Raphael! This is instead of using the hotel blocks I booked for them only a few blocks from the venue. The hotels were not even expensive... we got deals with Holiday Inn. 

If anyone knows the Bay Area, you know that traffic is a nightmare. I’ve tried explaining this to them to no avail. I even offered to give them two free suites (each with two queen beds and a pull out sofa) for the night right before the wedding. Even with that they declined!! The wedding is in the morning and I had planned on some special photo sessions that now have to be optional because I can’t trust them to be where they need to be on time.

So there’s a very high likelihood that my parents, ring bearer, maid of honor, one of the groomsman and a bridesmaid are going to be stuck in traffic and miss the wedding... all because they are too cheap, too proud and didn’t plan for an expense they knew about for an entire year.

Just feeling so tired of everyone and the lack of cooperation.

  

banana468

#1 is annoying.  All you can do is lather, rinse and repeat that the invitation was just to those invited.  I hope you did extend the invitation to couples if any guest is in a relationship.   Then that isn't a 'plus one' but instead is someone tied to that person.  Asking to bring a random date is one thing but hopefully no couples were split.   Then I could understand someone being frustrated. 

For #2, could you meet with your uncle somewhere else so your aunt isn't able to interject?   You could even say that you really want to make sure you're all focused on the ceremony.  

3. All you can do is give them details on the timing.   At this point since your wedding is so close can you tell your family members a schedule along with estimated travel times in Google Maps?   Then they can see that oh, that 30 mile drive is actually 60 minutes with traffic and you've at least played "good hostess" with giving them the warning about what they'll encounter with the drive.  

frances_l

banana468 said:

#1 is annoying.  All you can do is lather, rinse and repeat that the invitation was just to those invited.  I hope you did extend the invitation to couples if any guest is in a relationship.   Then that isn't a 'plus one' but instead is someone tied to that person.  Asking to bring a random date is one thing but hopefully no couples were split.   Then I could understand someone being frustrated. 

For #2, could you meet with your uncle somewhere else so your aunt isn't able to interject?   You could even say that you really want to make sure you're all focused on the ceremony.  

3. All you can do is give them details on the timing.   At this point since your wedding is so close can you tell your family members a schedule along with estimated travel times in Google Maps?   Then they can see that oh, that 30 mile drive is actually 60 minutes with traffic and you've at least played "good hostess" with giving them the warning about what they'll encounter with the drive.  

For No. 1, I accounted for anyone who was married, engaged, had a long-term significant other. I also let them know that I couldn't accommodate children given budget and space available. Most understood having just gotten married only one or two years prior. So they know how this all goes. I have an aunt who is being dramatic and behaving as if she is personally victimized. I'm so tired...

No. 2, I feel like he may have discussed this with her because yesterday she wasn't nearly as pesky as she was in the first meeting. But then she just couldn't help herself and a deluge of unwanted advice flooded out.

The only people needed at the wedding rehearsal is the wedding party. So I am really hoping she doesn't pop up. If she does and starts up again, I will let her know that I need to concentrate on what I have planned and that her advice, though well-intentioned is distracting and we will not be deviating from what is already planned.

No. 3 This one is the worst because I really really tried with them... they know the consequences. There is another wedding right after ours so we have no time to wait on late people.

banana468

frances_l said:

banana468 said:

#1 is annoying.  All you can do is lather, rinse and repeat that the invitation was just to those invited.  I hope you did extend the invitation to couples if any guest is in a relationship.   Then that isn't a 'plus one' but instead is someone tied to that person.  Asking to bring a random date is one thing but hopefully no couples were split.   Then I could understand someone being frustrated. 

For #2, could you meet with your uncle somewhere else so your aunt isn't able to interject?   You could even say that you really want to make sure you're all focused on the ceremony.  

3. All you can do is give them details on the timing.   At this point since your wedding is so close can you tell your family members a schedule along with estimated travel times in Google Maps?   Then they can see that oh, that 30 mile drive is actually 60 minutes with traffic and you've at least played "good hostess" with giving them the warning about what they'll encounter with the drive.  

For No. 1, I accounted for anyone who was married, engaged, had a long-term significant other. I also let them know that I couldn't accommodate children given budget and space available. Most understood having just gotten married only one or two years prior. So they know how this all goes. I have an aunt who is being dramatic and behaving as if she is personally victimized. I'm so tired...

No. 2, I feel like he may have discussed this with her because yesterday she wasn't nearly as pesky as she was in the first meeting. But then she just couldn't help herself and a deluge of unwanted advice flooded out.

The only people needed at the wedding rehearsal is the wedding party. So I am really hoping she doesn't pop up. If she does and starts up again, I will let her know that I need to concentrate on what I have planned and that her advice, though well-intentioned is distracting and we will not be deviating from what is already planned.

No. 3 This one is the worst because I really really tried with them... they know the consequences. There is another wedding right after ours so we have no time to wait on late people.

As long as anyone long term also includes anyone who may have just started dating you're cool.   You don't have to invite kids and that's fine.

Regarding the RD, please reconsider.   It's really rude to invite people to a social event without their spouse.   If your uncle is at the RD your aunt needs to be invited too.     Please don't omit her - if you already know she's opinionated then she's probably already going to speak up at such a slight.    The WP needs to be invited with their SOs too.   I hope you have the budget for that.

Regarding #3, all you can do is give them the info and state the times things start.   It sucks, but those are the consequences if they don't pay attention to times. 

frances_l

No. 1 - My aunt's husband passed away some time ago. If he was still with us, he most definitely would be invited. I don't know why she is being theatrical for. I'm of a mind to just give her whatever she wants. She and whoever can sit cramped up at a table next to each other. But I'm also worried that this will encourage others to think they can just ignore us too...

No. 2 - I have common sense. Of course my aunt is invited to the rehearsal dinner! So is all the wedding party, their spouses and significant others. I think you are conflating the wedding rehearsal with the rehearsal dinner. My auntie doesn't need to be at the actual rehearsal itself.

ernursej

frances_l said:

No. 1 - My aunt's husband passed away some time ago. If he was still with us, he most definitely would be invited. I don't know why she is being theatrical for. I'm of a mind to just give her whatever she wants. She and whoever can sit cramped up at a table next to each other. But I'm also worried that this will encourage others to think they can just ignore us too...

No. 2 - I have common sense. Of course my aunt is invited to the rehearsal dinner! So is all the wedding party, their spouses and significant others. I think you are conflating the wedding rehearsal with the rehearsal dinner. My auntie doesn't need to be at the actual rehearsal itself.

#2 - No, she doesn't but every wedding rehearsal that my H has been involved in (but I'm not), I've gone as well because taking two cars didn't make sense, or we travelled extensively to go there. Expect her to be there even though she doesn't need to. If she continues to give unsolicited advice, thank her and then let her know that the wedding is all planned and you can't accommodate any other suggestions. If she continues to be an annoyance, just grin and recognize that she can comment all she wants but you don't have to take her advice.

frances_l

I figure it's more likely that she will be there than not, so why I am prepared with what I need to say — in the most respectful way, of course. Hopefully my mother or my uncle can reason with her if my words don't penetrate. Or we can give her some other "job" so she is not in the way. Maybe someone can give her a tour of the venue? lol