Dear Prudence,
I have two nephews, Joey and Chris, both in their 20s. Joey is transgender and has always been gentle and good. Chris stole a car, drove drunk, and killed two people when he was 15 years old. I have no children and a lot of disposable income. After Joey came out as trans, I paid for their education and health care. Recently, Chris got in trouble again, and my sister came to me for money to pay for the lawyer and bail. I refused and she exploded, claiming I prefer to “play saint to Joey’s persecution” rather than helping Chris. I have swallowed this because Joey is trying to rebuild their relationship with the family and I don’t want to ruin that. But I am sick of my sister’s fundraising for her favorite’s failings. So far, Chris has been expelled, gotten a girl pregnant, and killed people. Joey is a child any parent could dream of. I want to protect Joey but I am also tired of my sister expecting me to pay for Chris’ mistakes. How do I thread this needle without setting everyone off? Joey deserves the world, but I am so tired of my sister.
—Good Nephew, Bad Nephew