My good friend’s partner was close to “Rick,” who was publicly accused of rape. As a survivor of rape who’d always found Rick to be skeevy, I found it easy to cut him out of my life. They kept ties with him. Now, they are getting married, and I learned that both he and I will be in the wedding party. I didn’t hear this from the bride or groom, though! They are planning an overnight wedding party, and the idea of spending the night with this guy is giving me a lot of anxiety. I’m also pretty upset they are concealing his participation in the wedding. Do I skip the extras and ignore this guy at the reception and wedding? How can I talk about this with them when it seems they don’t want to address it?
—Elephant at the Wedding