When I was a teenager, my aunt’s husband pulled me aside after I made several particularly obnoxious homophobic remarks. He quietly told me that before he met my aunt, his longest relationship was with a man and that he had had a number of male and female lovers in his youth. He explained that my remarks were hurtful but also a sign of insecurity. It was something of a turning point for me, and a few years later he and my aunt took me in when my parents kicked me out of the house after I came out to them. They also paid for me to go to college. My boyfriend and I are getting married soon, and I really want to tell this story, but I am also aware that it is not my story to tell. My aunt’s husband sadly passed away last year, so I can’t ask him whether he’s OK being outed in this way. What’s the right thing to do here? Members of his extended family will be at the wedding, and I don’t want to upset anybody, but at the same time I want to share one of the meaningful exchanges of my life on my wedding day.
—Is It Ever OK to Out Somebody After He’s Gone?