Wedding Etiquette Forum

Attire prompt etiquette

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Re: Attire prompt etiquette

  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I put my hand up and admit I side eye it. And I would never, ever wear jeans to any sort of formal event (I don't even wear them to work). 

    But I also recognise that this my issue. 

    That being said, I remember an article I read a few years ago where a newly arrived Brit in New York received an invite that said "Dress: fancy". Fancy dress means silly costumes in the UK. She thought it was strange but did a "when in Rome". She showed up to a black tie party dressed as a tomato! 

    Also, Banana, that is crazy. I hope the Pope is reaching 'devout' people like that who side eye kids in church/ breastfeeding etc. 
    That is SO Bridget Jones. At least she was a tomato and not a Playboy bunny. 
    ________________________________


    MairePoppyILoveBeachMusic
  • banana468 said:
    I do have to comment about the whole jeans/denim thing. I personally do not feel that jeans are acceptable for a wake, funeral, wedding - even a baby shower. That's just the way my parents raised me. You had to dress up for all of those occasions, and jeans are not dressy clothes. 

    I had a wake to go to on a Friday evening. I wore jeans to work (very casual office) and then ran home to change into dress pants and a top for the wake. Honestly, I have and do side-eye people that wear jeans to wakes and funerals. I side-eyed my cousin's H's family when they showed up to their wedding in jeans. 

    Maybe that's old fashioned of me. I just feel like some events require a certain level of dressing. And denim ain't it. 
    I'm pretty much there with you.   If you're a grown adult then you should not be wearing these articles of clothing to these events.   I give you a pass at wakes/funerals when your only option is to go to or from work to the event and you're in a work-related uniform.    Ex: my uncle died and worked for a home heating oil company.   His coworkers came in their smelly uniforms to the wake or funeral - but that was their only option to make it and pay their respects - I get that.   That's far different from making the choice to put on something casual.

    I'll agree that to a certain extent Sunday best can vary but there's still a minimum. Our church is on the shore (you can see the shoreline from the church) and summer dress for men is often khaki shorts and boat shoes with a collared shirt.   Even then our parish addresses from the pulpit and in the bulletin that being near the beach does not mean that beach attire itself is appropriate.   Other churches are a bit more conservative so we know that DH has to wear pants to the ankle.   Fine.   

    That said, I can tell you I went to a wedding in DH's family 14 years ago and they LOVE to boat but the dude in the shorts and birks stuck out hardcore in the sea of men with pants.  


    I wear jeans to church nearly every Sunday and I’m one of the nicest dressed people there. I don’t think Jesus cares and I think emphasizing appearance at church is fundamentally unchristian. 
    You can disagree with it but there are plenty of reasons that many churches have stated what is and isn't appropriate for dress.  Plenty of people aren't questioning what Jesus thinks either nor do they presume to know what he cares about.

    FTR, the calling out of inappropriate attire I've seen has always been addressing bathing suits and beach / pool attire as worn to church.   Plenty of people wear jeans to church and for standard worship service in our parish it's considered the norm.  At other parishes I've attended I didn't see denim on anyone for Sunday mass.   It just wasn't done.   
    MobKaz
  • banana468 said:
    I do have to comment about the whole jeans/denim thing. I personally do not feel that jeans are acceptable for a wake, funeral, wedding - even a baby shower. That's just the way my parents raised me. You had to dress up for all of those occasions, and jeans are not dressy clothes. 

    I had a wake to go to on a Friday evening. I wore jeans to work (very casual office) and then ran home to change into dress pants and a top for the wake. Honestly, I have and do side-eye people that wear jeans to wakes and funerals. I side-eyed my cousin's H's family when they showed up to their wedding in jeans. 

    Maybe that's old fashioned of me. I just feel like some events require a certain level of dressing. And denim ain't it. 
    I'm pretty much there with you.   If you're a grown adult then you should not be wearing these articles of clothing to these events.   I give you a pass at wakes/funerals when your only option is to go to or from work to the event and you're in a work-related uniform.    Ex: my uncle died and worked for a home heating oil company.   His coworkers came in their smelly uniforms to the wake or funeral - but that was their only option to make it and pay their respects - I get that.   That's far different from making the choice to put on something casual.

    I'll agree that to a certain extent Sunday best can vary but there's still a minimum. Our church is on the shore (you can see the shoreline from the church) and summer dress for men is often khaki shorts and boat shoes with a collared shirt.   Even then our parish addresses from the pulpit and in the bulletin that being near the beach does not mean that beach attire itself is appropriate.   Other churches are a bit more conservative so we know that DH has to wear pants to the ankle.   Fine.   

    That said, I can tell you I went to a wedding in DH's family 14 years ago and they LOVE to boat but the dude in the shorts and birks stuck out hardcore in the sea of men with pants.  


    I wear jeans to church nearly every Sunday and I’m one of the nicest dressed people there. I don’t think Jesus cares and I think emphasizing appearance at church is fundamentally unchristian. 
    You can disagree with it but there are plenty of reasons that many churches have stated what is and isn't appropriate for dress.  Also, I think it's pretty presumptuous to believe you know what Jesus thinks. 

    FTR, the calling out of inappropriate attire I've seen has always been addressing bathing suits and beach / pool attire as worn to church.   Plenty of people wear jeans to church and for standard worship service in our parish it's considered the norm.  At other parishes I've attended I didn't see denim on anyone for Sunday mass.   It just wasn't done.    However every parish in which I've ever been a parishioner has output a summer statement re-reminding people that bathing suits, cover ups, etc should not be worn to mass. 
    MesmrEwe
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I put my hand up and admit I side eye it. And I would never, ever wear jeans to any sort of formal event (I don't even wear them to work). 

    But I also recognise that this is me being judgy. And it has no affect on me or my enjoyment of the event. 
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I put my hand up and admit I side eye it. And I would never, ever wear jeans to any sort of formal event (I don't even wear them to work). 

    But I also recognise that this 
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I put my hand up and admit I side eye it. And I would never, ever wear jeans to any sort of formal event (I don't even wear them to work). 

    But I also recognise that this is me being judgy and has no affect on me.
  • maine7mobmaine7mob Maine, USA member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    @banana468, when we first moved up here to the wilds of Maine, one of the things I looked for when I was looking for a church was kids. If there were none, I moved on. No kids is an unhealthy church, IMO. 
    STARMOON44lovesclimbing
  • @banana468, when we first moved up here to the wilds of Maine, one of the things I looked for when I was looking for a church was kids. If there were none, I moved on. No kids is an unhealthy church, IMO. 
    Just yesterday a new priest for the parish spoke at mass.   I had to leave early (something I HATE to do but DD and I had to be at an event and we left at the end of communion) and the priest commented how great it was to see all the families in attendance.   

    Chiquito will be 4 this week and he decided to sing along to some of the responses.  A woman behind us said, "That's SO WONDERFUL!"  

    So I'll take those over Ms. Childrenshouldbeseenandnotheard.
    MairePoppyILoveBeachMusicMesmrEwemaine7mob
  • banana468 said:
    banana468 said:
    banana468 said:
    banana468 said:
    I do have to comment about the whole jeans/denim thing. I personally do not feel that jeans are acceptable for a wake, funeral, wedding - even a baby shower. That's just the way my parents raised me. You had to dress up for all of those occasions, and jeans are not dressy clothes. 

    I had a wake to go to on a Friday evening. I wore jeans to work (very casual office) and then ran home to change into dress pants and a top for the wake. Honestly, I have and do side-eye people that wear jeans to wakes and funerals. I side-eyed my cousin's H's family when they showed up to their wedding in jeans. 

    Maybe that's old fashioned of me. I just feel like some events require a certain level of dressing. And denim ain't it. 
    I'm pretty much there with you.   If you're a grown adult then you should not be wearing these articles of clothing to these events.   I give you a pass at wakes/funerals when your only option is to go to or from work to the event and you're in a work-related uniform.    Ex: my uncle died and worked for a home heating oil company.   His coworkers came in their smelly uniforms to the wake or funeral - but that was their only option to make it and pay their respects - I get that.   That's far different from making the choice to put on something casual.

    I'll agree that to a certain extent Sunday best can vary but there's still a minimum. Our church is on the shore (you can see the shoreline from the church) and summer dress for men is often khaki shorts and boat shoes with a collared shirt.   Even then our parish addresses from the pulpit and in the bulletin that being near the beach does not mean that beach attire itself is appropriate.   Other churches are a bit more conservative so we know that DH has to wear pants to the ankle.   Fine.   

    That said, I can tell you I went to a wedding in DH's family 14 years ago and they LOVE to boat but the dude in the shorts and birks stuck out hardcore in the sea of men with pants.  


    I wear jeans to church nearly every Sunday and I’m one of the nicest dressed people there. I don’t think Jesus cares and I think emphasizing appearance at church is fundamentally unchristian. 
    You can disagree with it but there are plenty of reasons that many churches have stated what is and isn't appropriate for dress.  Also, I think it's pretty presumptuous to believe you know what Jesus thinks. 

    FTR, the calling out of inappropriate attire I've seen has always been addressing bathing suits and beach / pool attire as worn to church.   Plenty of people wear jeans to church and for standard worship service in our parish it's considered the norm.  At other parishes I've attended I didn't see denim on anyone for Sunday mass.   It just wasn't done.    However every parish in which I've ever been a parishioner has output a summer statement re-reminding people that bathing suits, cover ups, etc are for the beach and not for worship.   This isn't new.   It's something I can recall for the last 30 years.   
    But that’s a place with a specific dress code, which they are free to enforce. I wouldn’t argue with someone from the church (or any other place with a specific, articulated, dress code) enforcing those policies. I would have a big problem with individual members of the church (or attendees at other locations) judging people for what they were wearing, or trying to be the ones to enforce the rules. 
    Yes agreed.   Only one time was DH approached by a church member and it was when we scooted Chiquito out for being a PITA and loud.   We were asked to split our attendance and not bring the boy.   Not happening.   We'll remove him when he's a jackass.
    Like, literally let the little children come to me. Very specific. Very clear. 
    Right.   I admit I nitpicked your comment previously.   IMO it's the difference between knowing exactly what was said and thinking it's what he would say.  I'm also no scholar.

    Tangent: I didn't see the woman but wanted to find her and fume at her.  She was an old woman and I wanted to ask, "Who made you the arbiter of when a kid is supposed to be here?  I'm pretty sure he didn't say, "Let the children who are well behaved come to me"! 
    “Let the children come to me.” “Only if they are silent, don’t have jam hands, and are wearing sailor suits.”  She’s prob just reading a different translation. 
    One of my three is fairly well behaved at mass.  Another is decent, and the third is awful. I bring them
    solo bc H isn’t Catholic and I want the kids to be, but I can’t remember the last time I didn’t spend at least half of mass in the vestibule.  Some parishioners don’t like kid noise and they’re not afraid to give you the look  :#
    MesmrEwe
  • banana468 said:
    banana468 said:
    banana468 said:
    banana468 said:
    I do have to comment about the whole jeans/denim thing. I personally do not feel that jeans are acceptable for a wake, funeral, wedding - even a baby shower. That's just the way my parents raised me. You had to dress up for all of those occasions, and jeans are not dressy clothes. 

    I had a wake to go to on a Friday evening. I wore jeans to work (very casual office) and then ran home to change into dress pants and a top for the wake. Honestly, I have and do side-eye people that wear jeans to wakes and funerals. I side-eyed my cousin's H's family when they showed up to their wedding in jeans. 

    Maybe that's old fashioned of me. I just feel like some events require a certain level of dressing. And denim ain't it. 
    I'm pretty much there with you.   If you're a grown adult then you should not be wearing these articles of clothing to these events.   I give you a pass at wakes/funerals when your only option is to go to or from work to the event and you're in a work-related uniform.    Ex: my uncle died and worked for a home heating oil company.   His coworkers came in their smelly uniforms to the wake or funeral - but that was their only option to make it and pay their respects - I get that.   That's far different from making the choice to put on something casual.

    I'll agree that to a certain extent Sunday best can vary but there's still a minimum. Our church is on the shore (you can see the shoreline from the church) and summer dress for men is often khaki shorts and boat shoes with a collared shirt.   Even then our parish addresses from the pulpit and in the bulletin that being near the beach does not mean that beach attire itself is appropriate.   Other churches are a bit more conservative so we know that DH has to wear pants to the ankle.   Fine.   

    That said, I can tell you I went to a wedding in DH's family 14 years ago and they LOVE to boat but the dude in the shorts and birks stuck out hardcore in the sea of men with pants.  


    I wear jeans to church nearly every Sunday and I’m one of the nicest dressed people there. I don’t think Jesus cares and I think emphasizing appearance at church is fundamentally unchristian. 
    You can disagree with it but there are plenty of reasons that many churches have stated what is and isn't appropriate for dress.  Also, I think it's pretty presumptuous to believe you know what Jesus thinks. 

    FTR, the calling out of inappropriate attire I've seen has always been addressing bathing suits and beach / pool attire as worn to church.   Plenty of people wear jeans to church and for standard worship service in our parish it's considered the norm.  At other parishes I've attended I didn't see denim on anyone for Sunday mass.   It just wasn't done.    However every parish in which I've ever been a parishioner has output a summer statement re-reminding people that bathing suits, cover ups, etc are for the beach and not for worship.   This isn't new.   It's something I can recall for the last 30 years.   
    But that’s a place with a specific dress code, which they are free to enforce. I wouldn’t argue with someone from the church (or any other place with a specific, articulated, dress code) enforcing those policies. I would have a big problem with individual members of the church (or attendees at other locations) judging people for what they were wearing, or trying to be the ones to enforce the rules. 
    Yes agreed.   Only one time was DH approached by a church member and it was when we scooted Chiquito out for being a PITA and loud.   We were asked to split our attendance and not bring the boy.   Not happening.   We'll remove him when he's a jackass.
    Like, literally let the little children come to me. Very specific. Very clear. 
    Right.   I admit I nitpicked your comment previously.   IMO it's the difference between knowing exactly what was said and thinking it's what he would say.  I'm also no scholar.

    Tangent: I didn't see the woman but wanted to find her and fume at her.  She was an old woman and I wanted to ask, "Who made you the arbiter of when a kid is supposed to be here?  I'm pretty sure he didn't say, "Let the children who are well behaved come to me"! 
    “Let the children come to me.” “Only if they are silent, don’t have jam hands, and are wearing sailor suits.”  She’s prob just reading a different translation. 
    One of my three is fairly well behaved at mass.  Another is decent, and the third is awful. I bring them
    solo bc H isn’t Catholic and I want the kids to be, but I can’t remember the last time I didn’t spend at least half of mass in the vestibule.  Some parishioners don’t li
  • eileenrob said:
     She’s prob just reading a different translation. 
    One of my three is fairly well behaved at mass.  Another is decent, and the third is awful. I bring them
    solo bc H isn’t Catholic and I want the kids to be, but I can’t remember the last time I didn’t spend at least half of mass in the vestibule.  Some parishioners don’t like kid noise and they’re not afraid to give you the look  :#

    ... I wore a denim skirt to my great uncle's funeral a few months ago. There were a lot of jeans as well. 
    I've been to a lot of weddings and funerals that I ended up being the "Woefully overdressed one" and I just wore what I'd normally wear to that level of event (dressy pants, nice top - think "office attire")..  

    @eileenrob It's a constant grumble from my husband that I simply choose to stay in back in the vestibule area with both of my kids.  If I want them to behave during mass they have to be physically separated.  If one of us sits on one side of church and the other with the other kid, no problem, but if we try to sit together as a family no bueno!  BUT, if I sit in back, both behave and pay attention wonderfully and even having to give "the look" is rare... Ideal - no, but it is what it is...
    ei34
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