Wedding Dress Decision

laurajones837

Hi,
I need an outside opinion on a wedding dress. I have never been “typical” in my family of conservative, traditional loving people. When I got engaged over a year ago, I tried on “regular” wedding dresses and just didn’t feel anything special. My mom and sister want me to keep looking but now the wedding is less than a year- May 1st. We are getting married in Ireland for a destination wedding. I can’t stop thinking about a dress I found online. The issue is that I can only order online and while the designer is accommodating to changes (she will add sleeves and raise the neckline), I can’t actually try it on before I order it. Let me be clear, I LOVE this dress, I haven’t stopped obsessing about it for over a year, but I’m terrified it will look terrible, because of both my size and that it’s not a typical wedding dress. My mom and sister are supportive but I can kind of tell they don’t think it will look good, but they are also a lot more conservative and traditional than I am. I would love an outside opinion. I’ve posted pics here of both the dress and me last weekend while I was shopping for a girls weekend, as you can see I’m a lot bigger than the model is. Thoughts??

missJeanLouise

laurajones837 said:

Hi,
I need an outside opinion on a wedding dress. I have never been “typical” in my family of conservative, traditional loving people. When I got engaged over a year ago, I tried on “regular” wedding dresses and just didn’t feel anything special. My mom and sister want me to keep looking but now the wedding is less than a year- May 1st. We are getting married in Ireland for a destination wedding. I can’t stop thinking about a dress I found online. The issue is that I can only order online and while the designer is accommodating to changes (she will add sleeves and raise the neckline), I can’t actually try it on before I order it. Let me be clear, I LOVE this dress, I haven’t stopped obsessing about it for over a year, but I’m terrified it will look terrible, because of both my size and that it’s not a typical wedding dress. My mom and sister are supportive but I can kind of tell they don’t think it will look good, but they are also a lot more conservative and traditional than I am. I would love an outside opinion. I’ve posted pics here of both the dress and me last weekend while I was shopping for a girls weekend, as you can see I’m a lot bigger than the model is. Thoughts??

I think if you love the dress you should go for it... BUT!! only if this is a legit, reliable, dressmaker not some knock off site. With those, you generally get what you pay for. Find reviews, look at their returns policy, do your research, and order it early. That way if it doesn’t fit or is not what you were expecting then you have time to find a different dress. 

laurajones837

Thank you! They are a legit designer in LA, I’ve been emailing and talking on the phone with them for months. They even sent me a sample of the fabric.  They do have great reviews but they only carry up to size 8 on their site, so anything above that has to be custom and therefore not eligible for returns... it’s not cheap enough to write off either, haha. So it’s definitely a gamble!

MRDCle

I would be cautious - the Facebook and Yelp reviews are universally pretty terrible. 

https://www.yelp.com/biz/laurely-los-angeles
https://www.facebook.com/Lurelly/

ShesSoCold

You may be able to find a similar style dress in stores. I would try one on, even if you don't like it, to see how the overall shape of the dress looks on you before you order this one.

FWIW, the dresses I ADORED in pictures that I thought would really compliment my body type were not nearly as flattering on me in person. 

Edited for clarification.

climbingsingle

I personally would not order something like this if I could not try it on first. 

thisismynickname2

If that's the silhouette you want, by the way, I think it would suit your hourglass figure. 

STARMOON44

Can you afford to buy a different dress if you order this and it’s terrible?

laurajones837

Honestly it would be tight.... I would have to see if I could resell the dress to someone locally at a lower cost to help offset the difference. It’s definitelt a gamble. But I really love the fabric and style, I can’t get it out of my head every time I try something else on it just doesn’t compare. Also it’s reallt hard to find a blue dress that still feels “bridal” if that makes any sense...

justsie

laurajones837 said:

Honestly it would be tight.... I would have to see if I could resell the dress to someone locally at a lower cost to help offset the difference. It’s definitelt a gamble. But I really love the fabric and style, I can’t get it out of my head every time I try something else on it just doesn’t compare. Also it’s reallt hard to find a blue dress that still feels “bridal” if that makes any sense...

I honestly feel like you'd be taking a huge risk hoping to sell it to someone else if it doesn't work out. Have you gone to non-typical dress shops that are not specifically geared towards bridal gowns? The dress is beautiful, and if you had the money to spare I'd say go for it, but it sounds like it would be a really big gamble if it doesn't work out.

Casadena

I think the dress is beautiful.  I feel like i have a very similar shape as you and that style is 100%  something I would gravitate toward.  I do think that adding sleeves and changing the neckline would drastically change the "look" however and I would be really wary about that.  Try going to a Macy's or Nordstrom or similar store that sells formal gowns - it is very likely they will have something in at least a similar shape. 

Overall, I'd be very worried about ordering online without trying on, especially with the changes you want that I think would massively change the look and feel of the dress.  

levioosa

Are you aware of the residency requirements in order to have a wedding in Ireland? 

To answer your question, I would personally need to try on the dress first before making a decision. 

lovesclimbing

The below is a post I wrote on someone else's post about ordering online, but most everything applies. For the record, I ordered my dress online without trying it or any other wedding dress on, and I was very pleased with it, but my experience is not necessarily typical. In order to be succesful with ordering without trying on, there are two big questions to answer for yourself. 

"You need to pick something that is pretty universally flattering (like an a-line) and like or a dress type you already know is flattering and you like. Have you worn a long and slim dress like that before and know you'll like it? If you haven't worn that style before and just think you'll like it, are you willing to risk that you won't like it and being out the money or wear it anyway even if you don't? 

Similar to the above, really think about the design details and if you know you'll like them and be willing to wear them. That dress shows a lot of cleavage, are you ok with that? Think about how it will look on you. If you're bustier, it will look different. The open back, do you know you like open backs? Have you worn them frequently? Are you ok with going braless? Have you gone braless for several hours to know what it feels like? Do you know what your back looks like, and are you ok with it being exposed? If you buy the dress and put it on, are you going to be happy with how your back looks? Due to the all over lace, that dress can't be hemmed without a lot of expense and work. Are you ok with changing your shoes up (wearing higher or lower heels) if the dress ends up with the length a little off?

It's important to really think through those questions before ordering online."

There is no right or wrong answer to the questions above, and not all of them apply to you, but it's important to think those kinds of things through. With the first question, you don't say that you've ever worn something similar before, and you say you can't eat the cost and get something else if you wind up hating it, so that's a big red flag to me that you maybe shouldn't do it. 

Regarding question two, you're already making changes that you can't see, that's a red flag to me. Also, you do express some concerns because of your size. Anyone who is not model size is going to look different than the model. Most of the design detail questions I posed to the other poster apply to you - hard to wear a bra, essentially backless, expensive to hem (that kind of dress can only be hemmed by taking the entire floral layer off and taking it up at the waist). Again, no right or wrong answer to those questions, just things to really think through. 

maine7mob

I wouId not do this. The dress is beautiful, but there is a reason the site does not carry past a size 8. It is likely because they know their stuff only looks good on smaller women, and are not comfortable (or possibly even proficient) at working with other sizes. This would make me very wary of ordering it in a different size, asking them to add sleeves or adjust the neckline, and hoping it all works out.

It might help you to let this one go if you just think of this dress as a fantasy. You just can't compare reality with a fantasy. Go dress shopping with an open mind and try to find something that you can actually try on in your size. That is the only way to know for certain that you will look beautiful on your wedding day.

laurajones837

Thank you so much everyone for the honest feedback. I really do appreciate it. I think, at the very least, I will try on more dresses that are similar shade and style and go from there. I also wanted to make sure people thought the dress was actually pretty and I wasn’t bat-shit crazy for wanting to wear it lol! Sounds like I’m just crazy for wanting it to order it online. They are all valid reasons tho and I take it to heart and will think on it. 

laurajones837

Also, to answer a question above and if anyone is interested, the residency in Ireland is 5 days. The marriage is recognized in both Canada and the US (my fiancé is Canadian). We actually went to the venue in May and applied for our marriage license while we were there, so the residency requirement is already fulfilled for us, which was a nice surprise. 
Fun fact: we just moved to Quebec, and I found out that if we had the wedding here, I wouldn’t have been able to take his last name. So I guess it’s a good thing we had planned on destination all along!

STARMOON44

Just a couple other options that are blue, bridal, and returnable from a reputable website:

https://www.adriannapapell.com/short-sleeve-floral-embroidered-dress-with-sheer-neckline-797532185519.html

https://www.adriannapapell.com/floral-sequin-beaded-gown-with-sheer-short-sleeves-AP1E202572.html

laurajones837

Thank you!! Those are both very pretty and great options!!

MesmrEwe

The one comment I have is you're going to want to request an extra yard and a half of fabric (reason for that amount is because of working with that type of fabric and having enough to "play") because of this - The model is a perky B cup MAX, and going off your picture, you're not likely to be able to go sans bra or even sewn in and keep things properly in place for the entire day (alterations are not the 8-12 hours which you'll be wearing the dress for gravity to do its thing).  you're going to need an adjustment to handle keeping yourself "positioned" that'll likely need to be done in alterations as not to lose the beauty that is the back (likely part of the draw of the design for you), but in order to do that, you need to be wearing your undergarments, not guessing.  

That said - I say "Go for it!" if you've checked out the designer and they are in fact in LA and not just using an LA phone number.  

knottie7d6129cc92a62680

the dress looks beautiful as it is, it wouldn't hurt to buy if you're really obsessed with it. even if it doesn't fit at first, you can customized it again until it fits you well. or if you can afford, buy another dress from another retails or make your own dress but use this one as a reference.

lovesclimbing

Also, have you included local alterations in your budget? The odds of the dress fitting you exactly once it arrives, even though it is custom, are slim. (And @mesmrewe is right.) You talk about your dress budget being pretty tight, but you need to make sure you've set aside a decent chunk for that, otherwise you might be in for a nasty surprise at having to spend more money. Online, you can find estimates from $100 to $800 for alterations. Since you can't try it on before you get it, if you do this, I'd budget on the high side. 

knottie7d6129cc92a62680

go for it!

laurajones837

So my budget is $2000 for the dress and alterations. This is on sale for $1000. I would need to pay $500 for customization (aka bigger size) which would leave $500 for a different dress and/or alterations. 

I think asking for more fabric would be a great idea but i will still try on dresses in the same shape to be sure. I’m just glad people think the dress is pretty and not “wtf is this chick thinking” lol i wouldn’t want to walk down the aisle to that!

ShesSoCold

Oh the dress is absolutely gorgeous! 

But it's also on a size zero model with little bitty boobs so I really think finding similar shapes to get an idea of what it'll look like on your body is key here.

Good luck!

knottieb87521fcf6a57e5b

This dress is GORGEOUS. As a fellow "non traditionalist" I would say you do whatever makes you feel beautiful. Your family is allowed to have their opinions, but if you are happy with this dress then do what you want. It will be you in the dress, you in the pictures, and you surprising your future husband not them. They aren't wearing the dress. My fiances family is catholic and have their own opinions on how things should be done and we listen to their commentary so that they feel heard, but the final decisions are ours as to what our wedding day will be like. Same goes for you! Also, I think that you'd look amazing in that dress. 

My fiance gave me some good advice as we begin vendor searching: if you keep coming back to one thing whether it be a ring, dress, venue, etc. than there's no point looking for another because you'll always be comparing it to the original. This is what happened to me when we went ring shopping. I found one at the first store we went to and went on to compare every ring after to that first one. End of story - im getting the first one. 

laurajones837

Ok y’all. I took your advice and went dress shopping this weekend. I went to try on a similar shape to the one above and also tried different styles. I was super lucky because... all the shapes actually looked good on my figure. I know tough problem 🙄 BUT I also found one i love... which is crazy because it’s the opposite of what i thought i would want. Very traditional! But I loved it on and it would go great with our castle venue. BUT I still can’t help thinking of the blue dress. Thoughts??

debbeau

I love the white wedding dress. It looks wonderful on you.

MesmrEwe

Get the blue dress and wear it for your rehearsal!!!  Problem solved! 

laurajones837

That's a great idea! I would love to but unfortunately I can't afford both  

MRDCle

I would say if you LOVED the one you tried on, go with that one.  The other one needed changes to make it what you wanted and you can't try it on beforehand. I would go with something YOU KNOW you love versus something YOU THINK you MAY love when you buy it. One in the hand vs. two in the bush thing.

bubblylove

No way would I buy something that I can't try on; that will require extensive alterations and that is not returnable. Also, I had a dress I loved for months. Tried it on and it was atrocious.