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Friends are jerks.

So, my FH and I are total introverts and so are all our friends, but to the point where they're kinda jerks and we don't really invite them to things and they don't really invite us to things. Anyways, we want to invite our friends because we don't want to look like total losers in front of our families, but our friends are so fickle and we don't really want to invite them. So... be embarrassed in front of family? Or hope our friends show up?

Re: Friends are jerks.

  • It depends on how close you are to them. For example, my best friend since high school can be kinda flakey when it comes to attending events, paying for things. etc. but she's still my best friend. What do you mean by "jerks"? We're inviting people we at least talk to  a decent amount. We don't "hang out" or see our friends all that much, but they are still getting invited to our wedding. It's a nice gesture even if they choose not to show. Also, your family won't think of you as losers. Everyone thinks different things are important. If having people there other than family is important, then invite them. If you don't really care about them being there, then don't.
  • What all of the PPs have said. It kind of depends what you mean by "jerks." H and I both have some long-time friends that maybe we wouldn't start a new friendship with today, and who maybe have some "quirks," but they're good people and have seen us through some shit. They were invited.

    There's totally nothing wrong with a small, family-only wedding! Several of my cousins had weddings like that, and they were perfectly lovely and fun. If someone is judging the number of guests at your wedding, that's their issue and it's on them to deal with it. You'll have a day surrounded by only people who care about you :)

    But also, if you're both introverts, there's no need to waste your social energy on people who aren't kind to you. I'm a little bit of an introvert and get drained quickly in large social settings. Because of that, I try to only associate with people who I actually like. Maybe this is a good time to step back and evaluate if these are people you want to spend your energy on. No one should feel they need to keep people around just to "have friends." I also understand the effort that goes into making new friendships and that sometimes it's easier to keep relationships around that have gone a bit stale instead of branching out and making new ones. 
  • Another one who's confused as to why you are "friends" with "jerks". It sounds like you don't actually like these people and don't even see them, so why are they "friends"?

    I had a very small immediate family only wedding (11 people including myself and my husband) and it was perfect. We don't have huge friend groups and really wanted something low-key, so it was perfect for us. It's not embarrassing, not unless you make it embarrassing by drawing attention to it in a negative way.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    If you have no friends at your wedding, your family won't even notice. If they do, they will assume you decided to invite family members only. Nothing wrong with that.

    One way to advance your acquaintance relationships to closer friendships is to share your milestones with them. You could invite one or two of the friends out for coffee or dinner to see if there is potential. It takes some effort to cultivate friendships. If you're not interested in doing that with those people, don't invite them to your wedding.
  • If the only reason you would invite these people to your wedding is to "impress" your family then you are kind of the jerk. 
  • Your family already has that opinion of you in your opinion mindreading and projecting onto your family something that may in fact be absolutely false.  The question is do you invite your fickle friends..  Invite your friends because they're your friends, should they choose to or not to show is their choice and the invitation can be done without expectation that they'll attend.  You'll know they are or aren't based on their RSVP for the event!
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