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Etiquette

Friend has a gained an SO after invites went out.

Hello-

I made sure all the significant others of guests on my list were invited. Unfortunately, my fiance did not know that one of his co-workers had recently started dating someone. I only found out after invitations went out when I saw an Instagram post (about two weeks later). One of my bridesmaids also works with them and said she was unaware of the relationship until the same Instagram post. Normally I would just reach out, and invite the coworker to bring her SO and apologize, however, it turns out she had prior travel plans already scheduled and is unable to make it to the wedding.
Should I still reach out to apologize to the co-worker? I feel bad that I didn't include her SO, and I want her to know it wasn't a judgment on the status of their relationship.
charlotte989875
«1

Re: Friend has a gained an SO after invites went out.

  • No apology required. Just get the contact info of the SO and send an invite.
    STARMOON44
  • edited September 2018
    @maine7mob I should invite the so  even if the guest already RSVP'd no?
  • Unpopular opinion, but a couple weeks is no big deal in the wedding world, I would never expect my SO of a few weeks to be invited to anyone's wedding - heck not even a sibling's wedding or best friend in the world.  Either way I think it's okay. 
    LtPowers
  • Unpopular opinion, but a couple weeks is no big deal in the wedding world, I would never expect my SO of a few weeks to be invited to anyone's wedding - heck not even a sibling's wedding or best friend in the world.  Either way I think it's okay. 
    I'm sorry, what "wedding world" are you referring to? 

    If a person considers themselves in a relationship, with a SO, the SO needs to be invited. You don't get to put a timeline on the seriousness of a relationship. 
    Sure I do if I'm paying $150 a head. I would never expect someone I've been dating for weeks to be invited - and if someone gained a SO within weeks before the wedding I wouldn't invite.  That's just my opinion, you do you. 
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Unpopular opinion, but a couple weeks is no big deal in the wedding world, I would never expect my SO of a few weeks to be invited to anyone's wedding - heck not even a sibling's wedding or best friend in the world.  Either way I think it's okay. 
    I'm sorry, what "wedding world" are you referring to? 

    If a person considers themselves in a relationship, with a SO, the SO needs to be invited. You don't get to put a timeline on the seriousness of a relationship. 
    Sure I do if I'm paying $150 a head. I would never expect someone I've been dating for weeks to be invited - and if someone gained a SO within weeks before the wedding I wouldn't invite.  That's just my opinion, you do you. 
    If you do you means be an asshole your friends, no. 

    You decided to spend $150/plate on a wedding. If you can't afford that, you should have gone with a less expensive option. The cost of your wedding is no excuse to treat your friends badly. 

    This is an etiquette board. You're going to get called out for suggesting that people be rude. 
    ernursejInLoveInQueensjustsie
  • Unpopular opinion, but a couple weeks is no big deal in the wedding world, I would never expect my SO of a few weeks to be invited to anyone's wedding - heck not even a sibling's wedding or best friend in the world.  Either way I think it's okay. 
    I'm sorry, what "wedding world" are you referring to? 

    If a person considers themselves in a relationship, with a SO, the SO needs to be invited. You don't get to put a timeline on the seriousness of a relationship. 
    Sure I do if I'm paying $150 a head. I would never expect someone I've been dating for weeks to be invited - and if someone gained a SO within weeks before the wedding I wouldn't invite.  That's just my opinion, you do you. 
    If you do you means be an asshole your friends, no. 

    You decided to spend $150/plate on a wedding. If you can't afford that, you should have gone with a less expensive option. The cost of your wedding is no excuse to treat your friends badly. 

    This is an etiquette board. You're going to get called out for suggesting that people be rude. 
    I won't apologize for wishing to have a small intimate wedding for my closest friends and family and treating their plus 1 situations fairly.  Plenty of people make the reasonable decision to invite an SO if they are living together, married, engaged, etc.  I would never invite a cousin in college's SO that she just met.  I wouldn't do that if I paid $5 a head or $300 a head.  
  • Unpopular opinion, but a couple weeks is no big deal in the wedding world, I would never expect my SO of a few weeks to be invited to anyone's wedding - heck not even a sibling's wedding or best friend in the world.  Either way I think it's okay. 
    I'm sorry, what "wedding world" are you referring to? 

    If a person considers themselves in a relationship, with a SO, the SO needs to be invited. You don't get to put a timeline on the seriousness of a relationship. 
    Sure I do if I'm paying $150 a head. I would never expect someone I've been dating for weeks to be invited - and if someone gained a SO within weeks before the wedding I wouldn't invite.  That's just my opinion, you do you. 
    If you do you means be an asshole your friends, no. 

    You decided to spend $150/plate on a wedding. If you can't afford that, you should have gone with a less expensive option. The cost of your wedding is no excuse to treat your friends badly. 

    This is an etiquette board. You're going to get called out for suggesting that people be rude. 
    I won't apologize for wishing to have a small intimate wedding for my closest friends and family and treating their plus 1 situations fairly.  Plenty of people make the reasonable decision to invite an SO if they are living together, married, engaged, etc.  I would never invite a cousin in college's SO that she just met.  I wouldn't do that if I paid $5 a head or $300 a head.  
    And also I'm pretty sure that calling someone an asshole goes against all etiquette . . . I could be wrong though. 
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Unpopular opinion, but a couple weeks is no big deal in the wedding world, I would never expect my SO of a few weeks to be invited to anyone's wedding - heck not even a sibling's wedding or best friend in the world.  Either way I think it's okay. 
    I'm sorry, what "wedding world" are you referring to? 

    If a person considers themselves in a relationship, with a SO, the SO needs to be invited. You don't get to put a timeline on the seriousness of a relationship. 
    Sure I do if I'm paying $150 a head. I would never expect someone I've been dating for weeks to be invited - and if someone gained a SO within weeks before the wedding I wouldn't invite.  That's just my opinion, you do you. 
    If you do you means be an asshole your friends, no. 

    You decided to spend $150/plate on a wedding. If you can't afford that, you should have gone with a less expensive option. The cost of your wedding is no excuse to treat your friends badly. 

    This is an etiquette board. You're going to get called out for suggesting that people be rude. 
    I won't apologize for wishing to have a small intimate wedding for my closest friends and family and treating their plus 1 situations fairly.  Plenty of people make the reasonable decision to invite an SO if they are living together, married, engaged, etc.  I would never invite a cousin in college's SO that she just met.  I wouldn't do that if I paid $5 a head or $300 a head.  
    As long as you know that you're wrong in that, then I guess there's nothing else to discuss.

    It's not up to you to decide the seriousness of someone else's relationship. Especially on an occasion based solely on the seriousness of your relationship. 

    Not only is that rude as hell, you're basically telling people to celebrate your relationship at the exact time that you take a big fat shit on their relationship.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    MyNameIsNotInLoveInQueens
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Unpopular opinion, but a couple weeks is no big deal in the wedding world, I would never expect my SO of a few weeks to be invited to anyone's wedding - heck not even a sibling's wedding or best friend in the world.  Either way I think it's okay. 
    I'm sorry, what "wedding world" are you referring to? 

    If a person considers themselves in a relationship, with a SO, the SO needs to be invited. You don't get to put a timeline on the seriousness of a relationship. 
    Sure I do if I'm paying $150 a head. I would never expect someone I've been dating for weeks to be invited - and if someone gained a SO within weeks before the wedding I wouldn't invite.  That's just my opinion, you do you. 
    If you do you means be an asshole your friends, no. 

    You decided to spend $150/plate on a wedding. If you can't afford that, you should have gone with a less expensive option. The cost of your wedding is no excuse to treat your friends badly. 

    This is an etiquette board. You're going to get called out for suggesting that people be rude. 
    I won't apologize for wishing to have a small intimate wedding for my closest friends and family and treating their plus 1 situations fairly.  Plenty of people make the reasonable decision to invite an SO if they are living together, married, engaged, etc.  I would never invite a cousin in college's SO that she just met.  I wouldn't do that if I paid $5 a head or $300 a head.  
    And also I'm pretty sure that calling someone an asshole goes against all etiquette . . . I could be wrong though. 
    Shrug. If it looks like a duck, waddles like a duck and quacks like a duck....
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    InLoveInQueens
  • Unpopular opinion, but a couple weeks is no big deal in the wedding world, I would never expect my SO of a few weeks to be invited to anyone's wedding - heck not even a sibling's wedding or best friend in the world.  Either way I think it's okay. 
    I'm sorry, what "wedding world" are you referring to? 

    If a person considers themselves in a relationship, with a SO, the SO needs to be invited. You don't get to put a timeline on the seriousness of a relationship. 
    Sure I do if I'm paying $150 a head. I would never expect someone I've been dating for weeks to be invited - and if someone gained a SO within weeks before the wedding I wouldn't invite.  That's just my opinion, you do you. 
    If you do you means be an asshole your friends, no. 

    You decided to spend $150/plate on a wedding. If you can't afford that, you should have gone with a less expensive option. The cost of your wedding is no excuse to treat your friends badly. 

    This is an etiquette board. You're going to get called out for suggesting that people be rude. 
    I won't apologize for wishing to have a small intimate wedding for my closest friends and family and treating their plus 1 situations fairly.  Plenty of people make the reasonable decision to invite an SO if they are living together, married, engaged, etc.  I would never invite a cousin in college's SO that she just met.  I wouldn't do that if I paid $5 a head or $300 a head.  
    And also I'm pretty sure that calling someone an asshole goes against all etiquette . . . I could be wrong though. 
    Shrug. If it looks like a duck, waddles like a duck and quacks like a duck....
    ...then it must be an asshole!
  • Unpopular opinion, but a couple weeks is no big deal in the wedding world, I would never expect my SO of a few weeks to be invited to anyone's wedding - heck not even a sibling's wedding or best friend in the world.  Either way I think it's okay. 
    I'm sorry, what "wedding world" are you referring to? 

    If a person considers themselves in a relationship, with a SO, the SO needs to be invited. You don't get to put a timeline on the seriousness of a relationship. 
    Sure I do if I'm paying $150 a head. I would never expect someone I've been dating for weeks to be invited - and if someone gained a SO within weeks before the wedding I wouldn't invite.  That's just my opinion, you do you. 
    If you do you means be an asshole your friends, no. 

    You decided to spend $150/plate on a wedding. If you can't afford that, you should have gone with a less expensive option. The cost of your wedding is no excuse to treat your friends badly. 

    This is an etiquette board. You're going to get called out for suggesting that people be rude. 
    I won't apologize for wishing to have a small intimate wedding for my closest friends and family and treating their plus 1 situations fairly.  Plenty of people make the reasonable decision to invite an SO if they are living together, married, engaged, etc.  I would never invite a cousin in college's SO that she just met.  I wouldn't do that if I paid $5 a head or $300 a head.  
    And also I'm pretty sure that calling someone an asshole goes against all etiquette . . . I could be wrong though. 
    It wasn’t calling you an asshole, it was defining asshole behavior.  
    justsie
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Unpopular opinion, but a couple weeks is no big deal in the wedding world, I would never expect my SO of a few weeks to be invited to anyone's wedding - heck not even a sibling's wedding or best friend in the world.  Either way I think it's okay. 
    I'm sorry, what "wedding world" are you referring to? 

    If a person considers themselves in a relationship, with a SO, the SO needs to be invited. You don't get to put a timeline on the seriousness of a relationship. 
    Sure I do if I'm paying $150 a head. I would never expect someone I've been dating for weeks to be invited - and if someone gained a SO within weeks before the wedding I wouldn't invite.  That's just my opinion, you do you. 
    If you do you means be an asshole your friends, no. 

    You decided to spend $150/plate on a wedding. If you can't afford that, you should have gone with a less expensive option. The cost of your wedding is no excuse to treat your friends badly. 

    This is an etiquette board. You're going to get called out for suggesting that people be rude. 
    I won't apologize for wishing to have a small intimate wedding for my closest friends and family and treating their plus 1 situations fairly.  Plenty of people make the reasonable decision to invite an SO if they are living together, married, engaged, etc.  I would never invite a cousin in college's SO that she just met.  I wouldn't do that if I paid $5 a head or $300 a head.  
    Don't ask people to come celebrate your love whilst completely disregarding theirs. 

    Today's college-aged boyfriend could be your future family member. If you don't like your cousin enough to respect her, then don't invite her. But don't make arbitrary rules where you are the arbiter of what "real" relationships are. 
    charlotte989875ahoyweddingInLoveInQueens
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Unpopular opinion, but a couple weeks is no big deal in the wedding world, I would never expect my SO of a few weeks to be invited to anyone's wedding - heck not even a sibling's wedding or best friend in the world.  Either way I think it's okay. 
    I'm sorry, what "wedding world" are you referring to? 

    If a person considers themselves in a relationship, with a SO, the SO needs to be invited. You don't get to put a timeline on the seriousness of a relationship. 
    Sure I do if I'm paying $150 a head. I would never expect someone I've been dating for weeks to be invited - and if someone gained a SO within weeks before the wedding I wouldn't invite.  That's just my opinion, you do you. 
    If you do you means be an asshole your friends, no. 

    You decided to spend $150/plate on a wedding. If you can't afford that, you should have gone with a less expensive option. The cost of your wedding is no excuse to treat your friends badly. 

    This is an etiquette board. You're going to get called out for suggesting that people be rude. 
    I won't apologize for wishing to have a small intimate wedding for my closest friends and family and treating their plus 1 situations fairly.  Plenty of people make the reasonable decision to invite an SO if they are living together, married, engaged, etc.  I would never invite a cousin in college's SO that she just met.  I wouldn't do that if I paid $5 a head or $300 a head.  
    You may or may not be an asshole, but doing that is an asshole move.

    This is neither reasonable, fair, or within the bounds of etiquette. I don't care if you apologize or not, nor do I care if you want to ruin your relationships. But what on earth are you doing on an etiquette board if you have no interest in being polite?
    InLoveInQueens
  • Unpopular opinion, but a couple weeks is no big deal in the wedding world, I would never expect my SO of a few weeks to be invited to anyone's wedding - heck not even a sibling's wedding or best friend in the world.  Either way I think it's okay. 
    I'm sorry, what "wedding world" are you referring to? 

    If a person considers themselves in a relationship, with a SO, the SO needs to be invited. You don't get to put a timeline on the seriousness of a relationship. 
    Sure I do if I'm paying $150 a head. I would never expect someone I've been dating for weeks to be invited - and if someone gained a SO within weeks before the wedding I wouldn't invite.  That's just my opinion, you do you. 
    If you do you means be an asshole your friends, no. 

    You decided to spend $150/plate on a wedding. If you can't afford that, you should have gone with a less expensive option. The cost of your wedding is no excuse to treat your friends badly. 

    This is an etiquette board. You're going to get called out for suggesting that people be rude. 
    I won't apologize for wishing to have a small intimate wedding for my closest friends and family and treating their plus 1 situations fairly.  Plenty of people make the reasonable decision to invite an SO if they are living together, married, engaged, etc.  I would never invite a cousin in college's SO that she just met.  I wouldn't do that if I paid $5 a head or $300 a head.  
    You may or may not be an asshole, but doing that is an asshole move.

    This is neither reasonable, fair, or within the bounds of etiquette. I don't care if you apologize or not, nor do I care if you want to ruin your relationships. But what on earth are you doing on an etiquette board if you have no interest in being polite?
    I simply gave my opinion that I do not think that not inviting a practical stranger is rude - i.e. commenting on questionable etiquette.  Does that answer your quesiton? 
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Unpopular opinion, but a couple weeks is no big deal in the wedding world, I would never expect my SO of a few weeks to be invited to anyone's wedding - heck not even a sibling's wedding or best friend in the world.  Either way I think it's okay. 
    I'm sorry, what "wedding world" are you referring to? 

    If a person considers themselves in a relationship, with a SO, the SO needs to be invited. You don't get to put a timeline on the seriousness of a relationship. 
    Sure I do if I'm paying $150 a head. I would never expect someone I've been dating for weeks to be invited - and if someone gained a SO within weeks before the wedding I wouldn't invite.  That's just my opinion, you do you. 
    If you do you means be an asshole your friends, no. 

    You decided to spend $150/plate on a wedding. If you can't afford that, you should have gone with a less expensive option. The cost of your wedding is no excuse to treat your friends badly. 

    This is an etiquette board. You're going to get called out for suggesting that people be rude. 
    I won't apologize for wishing to have a small intimate wedding for my closest friends and family and treating their plus 1 situations fairly.  Plenty of people make the reasonable decision to invite an SO if they are living together, married, engaged, etc.  I would never invite a cousin in college's SO that she just met.  I wouldn't do that if I paid $5 a head or $300 a head.  
    And also I'm pretty sure that calling someone an asshole goes against all etiquette . . . I could be wrong though. 
    Not necessarily, if they are behaving as such. She didn't call you an asshole, but it is the behavior of an asshole to judge their friends' relationships by their own (convenient) standard merely because they don't want to spend the extra money. You don't have to act like an asshole.

    There are people on these boards who got engaged in a matter of a couple months. You don't get to decide what is an important enough or "real" relationship. Full stop. If you don't want to invite someone's SO because you don't care enough about them (e.g. a cousin in college isn't important enough to you for her relationship to rate an invite) then you just don't invite those people in the first place. You can't ask someone to spend time and money to celebrate you and not treat them with respect.
    InLoveInQueens
  • Unpopular opinion, but a couple weeks is no big deal in the wedding world, I would never expect my SO of a few weeks to be invited to anyone's wedding - heck not even a sibling's wedding or best friend in the world.  Either way I think it's okay. 
    I'm sorry, what "wedding world" are you referring to? 

    If a person considers themselves in a relationship, with a SO, the SO needs to be invited. You don't get to put a timeline on the seriousness of a relationship. 
    Sure I do if I'm paying $150 a head. I would never expect someone I've been dating for weeks to be invited - and if someone gained a SO within weeks before the wedding I wouldn't invite.  That's just my opinion, you do you. 
    If you do you means be an asshole your friends, no. 

    You decided to spend $150/plate on a wedding. If you can't afford that, you should have gone with a less expensive option. The cost of your wedding is no excuse to treat your friends badly. 

    This is an etiquette board. You're going to get called out for suggesting that people be rude. 
    I won't apologize for wishing to have a small intimate wedding for my closest friends and family and treating their plus 1 situations fairly.  Plenty of people make the reasonable decision to invite an SO if they are living together, married, engaged, etc.  I would never invite a cousin in college's SO that she just met.  I wouldn't do that if I paid $5 a head or $300 a head.  
    You may or may not be an asshole, but doing that is an asshole move.

    This is neither reasonable, fair, or within the bounds of etiquette. I don't care if you apologize or not, nor do I care if you want to ruin your relationships. But what on earth are you doing on an etiquette board if you have no interest in being polite?
    I simply gave my opinion that I do not think that not inviting a practical stranger is rude - i.e. commenting on questionable etiquette.  Does that answer your quesiton? 

  • Unpopular opinion, but a couple weeks is no big deal in the wedding world, I would never expect my SO of a few weeks to be invited to anyone's wedding - heck not even a sibling's wedding or best friend in the world.  Either way I think it's okay. 
    I'm sorry, what "wedding world" are you referring to? 

    If a person considers themselves in a relationship, with a SO, the SO needs to be invited. You don't get to put a timeline on the seriousness of a relationship. 
    Sure I do if I'm paying $150 a head. I would never expect someone I've been dating for weeks to be invited - and if someone gained a SO within weeks before the wedding I wouldn't invite.  That's just my opinion, you do you. 
    If you do you means be an asshole your friends, no. 

    You decided to spend $150/plate on a wedding. If you can't afford that, you should have gone with a less expensive option. The cost of your wedding is no excuse to treat your friends badly. 

    This is an etiquette board. You're going to get called out for suggesting that people be rude. 
    I won't apologize for wishing to have a small intimate wedding for my closest friends and family and treating their plus 1 situations fairly.  Plenty of people make the reasonable decision to invite an SO if they are living together, married, engaged, etc.  I would never invite a cousin in college's SO that she just met.  I wouldn't do that if I paid $5 a head or $300 a head.  
    You may or may not be an asshole, but doing that is an asshole move.

    This is neither reasonable, fair, or within the bounds of etiquette. I don't care if you apologize or not, nor do I care if you want to ruin your relationships. But what on earth are you doing on an etiquette board if you have no interest in being polite?
    I simply gave my opinion that I do not think that not inviting a practical stranger is rude - i.e. commenting on questionable etiquette.  Does that answer your quesiton? 

    Yes, necessarily.  If you disagree with something someone said, you say something like "I don't agree, I think xyz" - not "you're an asshole".  Not sure why that's confusing. 
  • Unpopular opinion, but a couple weeks is no big deal in the wedding world, I would never expect my SO of a few weeks to be invited to anyone's wedding - heck not even a sibling's wedding or best friend in the world.  Either way I think it's okay. 
    I'm sorry, what "wedding world" are you referring to? 

    If a person considers themselves in a relationship, with a SO, the SO needs to be invited. You don't get to put a timeline on the seriousness of a relationship. 
    Sure I do if I'm paying $150 a head. I would never expect someone I've been dating for weeks to be invited - and if someone gained a SO within weeks before the wedding I wouldn't invite.  That's just my opinion, you do you. 
    If you do you means be an asshole your friends, no. 

    You decided to spend $150/plate on a wedding. If you can't afford that, you should have gone with a less expensive option. The cost of your wedding is no excuse to treat your friends badly. 

    This is an etiquette board. You're going to get called out for suggesting that people be rude. 
    I won't apologize for wishing to have a small intimate wedding for my closest friends and family and treating their plus 1 situations fairly.  Plenty of people make the reasonable decision to invite an SO if they are living together, married, engaged, etc.  I would never invite a cousin in college's SO that she just met.  I wouldn't do that if I paid $5 a head or $300 a head.  
    You may or may not be an asshole, but doing that is an asshole move.

    This is neither reasonable, fair, or within the bounds of etiquette. I don't care if you apologize or not, nor do I care if you want to ruin your relationships. But what on earth are you doing on an etiquette board if you have no interest in being polite?
    I simply gave my opinion that I do not think that not inviting a practical stranger is rude - i.e. commenting on questionable etiquette.  Does that answer your quesiton? 

    Yes, necessarily.  If you disagree with something someone said, you say something like "I don't agree, I think xyz" - not "you're an asshole".  Not sure why that's confusing. 
    So let me ask - where do *you* draw the line.  I've seen some crazy things!  So for example, let's say you invite your friend whom you know is in a commited relationship living with her SO and you also invite her SO.  And then all of a sudden she decides that she's no longer monogomous and instead is polyamorous - do you now invite not one, but two, heck, maybe three boyfriends??  JW where you'd stand on that . . . I mean, wouldn't you want to 'respect' your friend?
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    So let me ask - where do *you* draw the line.  I've seen some crazy things!  So for example, let's say you invite your friend whom you know is in a commited relationship living with her SO and you also invite her SO.  And then all of a sudden she decides that she's no longer monogomous and instead is polyamorous - do you now invite not one, but two, heck, maybe three boyfriends??  JW where you'd stand on that . . . I mean, wouldn't you want to 'respect' your friend?
    Yes?

    Why is this meant to seem like a trick question? You're assuming the friend isn't sincere in their relationships? This isn't hard, as long as you're not assuming your friend is somehow trying to game your system. I don't know why that would ever be the assumption.

    If you genuinely can't afford to treat your guest list well, you need to cut your guest list, or choose not to spend $150pp.

    It is generally agreed upon that if you send out invitations in a reasonable span of time (i.e. not absurdly early) - 6-8 weeks - and a guest who was not in a relationship at that time (actually was not, not that you didn't check or realize they were) picks up a SO in between then and the wedding, you do not have to accommodate that. But if you can, you should. Because, again, respect. You want your friend to have a good time.

    It's similar to invitees who aren't going to know many or any other guests. Even if they're not in a relationship, it'd be nice to extend a plus one. That way they can bring someone to talk to. It is not technically required, but if your starting point from hosting is "How can I show good faith to the people I'm asking to spend time and money to come be with me on my wedding day?" and not "People are just aiming to get a free fancy meal and a night out with their buddies out of me," this isn't that hard.
    ei34charlotte989875ahoyweddingInLoveInQueens
  • So let me ask - where do *you* draw the line.  I've seen some crazy things!  So for example, let's say you invite your friend whom you know is in a commited relationship living with her SO and you also invite her SO.  And then all of a sudden she decides that she's no longer monogomous and instead is polyamorous - do you now invite not one, but two, heck, maybe three boyfriends??  JW where you'd stand on that . . . I mean, wouldn't you want to 'respect' your friend?
    Yes?

    Why is this meant to seem like a trick question? You're assuming the friend isn't sincere in their relationships? This isn't hard, as long as you're not assuming your friend is somehow trying to game your system. I don't know why that would ever be the assumption.

    If you genuinely can't afford to treat your guest list well, you need to cut your guest list, or choose not to spend $150pp.

    It is generally agreed upon that if you send out invitations in a reasonable span of time (i.e. not absurdly early) - 6-8 weeks - and a guest who was not in a relationship at that time (actually was not, not that you didn't check or realize they were) picks up a SO in between then and the wedding, you do not have to accommodate that. But if you can, you should. Because, again, respect. You want your friend to have a good time.

    It's similar to invitees who aren't going to know many or any other guests. Even if they're not in a relationship, it'd be nice to extend a plus one. That way they can bring someone to talk to. It is not technically required, but if your starting point from hosting is "How can I show good faith to the people I'm asking to spend time and money to come be with me on my wedding day?" and not "People are just aiming to get a free fancy meal and a night out with their buddies out of me," this isn't that hard.
    You've completely changed my mind on reasonableness!  JK

    I do agree about if someone doesn't know people at the wedding giving them a plus 1.  But if someone knows everyone and didn't have an SO when I sent out the invites then I guess we have a difference in opinion. 

    Also, I never would ever assume that someone I consider a friend is playing the system, never even crossed my mind.  

    I need to continue my life now :-) 

  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Ok, I get what Knottienumbers meant. Would  I personally expect my brand new boyfriend to allowed along to a wedding with me if the invite had already been issued to me only (no +1), pre-boyfriend? No. 
    But would it be awesome if my friend noticed that I had a new boyfriend and said, "Hey, great, bring him along!"? Of course. But I would also respect that if I got a boyfriend post-invite, that my friend's list was likely already set with little wiggle room. 

    That said, like Knottienumbers, I also had an "intimate" and 3-figure per head wedding. But, when we planned our wedding, we planned the list and budget WITH plus-ones, specifically to accommodate the fact that single cousins and single friends might not actually be single by the time the wedding rolled around. This plan served us well, as my perpetually single buddy ended bringing a brand new girlfriend that he later went on to marry. 

    So to anyone lurking, if you don't want to be in the position of intentionally or accidentally not inviting someone's SO, plan your budget to accommodate guests from the get-go.
    ________________________________


    short+sassyahoywedding
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Unpopular opinion, but a couple weeks is no big deal in the wedding world, I would never expect my SO of a few weeks to be invited to anyone's wedding - heck not even a sibling's wedding or best friend in the world.  Either way I think it's okay. 
    I'm sorry, what "wedding world" are you referring to? 

    If a person considers themselves in a relationship, with a SO, the SO needs to be invited. You don't get to put a timeline on the seriousness of a relationship. 
    Sure I do if I'm paying $150 a head. I would never expect someone I've been dating for weeks to be invited - and if someone gained a SO within weeks before the wedding I wouldn't invite.  That's just my opinion, you do you. 
    If you do you means be an asshole your friends, no. 

    You decided to spend $150/plate on a wedding. If you can't afford that, you should have gone with a less expensive option. The cost of your wedding is no excuse to treat your friends badly. 

    This is an etiquette board. You're going to get called out for suggesting that people be rude. 
    I won't apologize for wishing to have a small intimate wedding for my closest friends and family and treating their plus 1 situations fairly.  Plenty of people make the reasonable decision to invite an SO if they are living together, married, engaged, etc.  I would never invite a cousin in college's SO that she just met.  I wouldn't do that if I paid $5 a head or $300 a head.  
    You may or may not be an asshole, but doing that is an asshole move.

    This is neither reasonable, fair, or within the bounds of etiquette. I don't care if you apologize or not, nor do I care if you want to ruin your relationships. But what on earth are you doing on an etiquette board if you have no interest in being polite?
    I simply gave my opinion that I do not think that not inviting a practical stranger is rude - i.e. commenting on questionable etiquette.  Does that answer your quesiton? 

    Yes, necessarily.  If you disagree with something someone said, you say something like "I don't agree, I think xyz" - not "you're an asshole".  Not sure why that's confusing. 
    Please point out where I said "You are an asshole." 

    Nonetheless, it is a fact that refusing to invite a cousin's s/o because [insert excuse here] is rude and not in line with etiquette. This is a well established etiquette rule. There is nothing questionable about it. 

    Your opinion is that it's ok to ignore the etiquette on this point. My opinion is that ignoring etiquette at the expense of loved ones is an asshole move. Luckily, OP has long since moved on and won't be swayed by your bad advice.  
    ShesSoCold
  • My H was not invited to a friend's wedding because we hadn't been together long enough. I knew almost everyone there but it sucked that I couldn't share it with my SO. Fast forward 9 years … we are the only ones still together out of all the friends (including the bride and groom). For my truly single friends, I extended a plus one and when I was budgeting it was helpful in case they entered into a relationship. I even invited an SO who got together about a month before our wedding (2 weeks after our invites went out) and they are getting married this year.
    ei34levioosa
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Ok, I get what Knottienumbers meant. Would  I personally expect my brand new boyfriend to allowed along to a wedding with me if the invite had already been issued to me only (no +1), pre-boyfriend? No. 
    But would it be awesome if my friend noticed that I had a new boyfriend and said, "Hey, great, bring him along!"? Of course. But I would also respect that if I got a boyfriend post-invite, that my friend's list was likely already set with little wiggle room. 

    That said, like Knottienumbers, I also had an "intimate" and 3-figure per head wedding. But, when we planned our wedding, we planned the list and budget WITH plus-ones, specifically to accommodate the fact that single cousins and single friends might not actually be single by the time the wedding rolled around. This plan served us well, as my perpetually single buddy ended bringing a brand new girlfriend that he later went on to marry. 

    So to anyone lurking, if you don't want to be in the position of intentionally or accidentally not inviting someone's SO, plan your budget to accommodate guests from the get-go.
    This is what I thought she meant too. If it had been left at that this thread wouldn't have blown up lol. Yes whomever a person considers a SO before invites go out must be invited and it is nice if one appears after invites go out that they can be invited too.
    charlotte989875ei34ahoywedding
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