Nerves

Knottie1472473296

Hi there,

Little about myself, I had a previously canceled engagement 14 years ago, best for both of us really but a tough thing to go through. My FH is divorced, no kids for 16 years. 

We love to have fun but are not center of attention people, because we are older/paying for most of the wedding ourselves we want to have a smaller wedding, immediate family, aunts/uncles and some friends, just over 100 people. First off I have some really pushy cousins that I am not close to that are asking if they can do things for the wedding. Not sure how to tell people that it is going to be small. On his side is a very large family, 50 first cousins plus spouses and kids it would turn into a 400+ invitation list quickly and no one has had a smaller wedding yet of his family.

I am having nerves/anxiety about people being upset over the invites. How do we tell people and handle any negative remarks. We have been engaged for 3 months now and just enjoying the time so nothing really planned so that is what we have been saying that so far. 

Thanks!

MobKaz

Knottie1472473296 said:

Hi there,

Little about myself, I had a previously canceled engagement 14 years ago, best for both of us really but a tough thing to go through. My FH is divorced, no kids for 16 years. 

We love to have fun but are not center of attention people, because we are older/paying for most of the wedding ourselves we want to have a smaller wedding, immediate family, aunts/uncles and some friends, just over 100 people. First off I have some really pushy cousins that I am not close to that are asking if they can do things for the wedding. Not sure how to tell people that it is going to be small. On his side is a very large family, 50 first cousins plus spouses and kids it would turn into a 400+ invitation list quickly and no one has had a smaller wedding yet of his family.

I am having nerves/anxiety about people being upset over the invites. How do we tell people and handle any negative remarks. We have been engaged for 3 months now and just enjoying the time so nothing really planned so that is what we have been saying that so far. 

Thanks!

Congratulations! 

Please remember that no one should have the expectation of an invitation.  You have actually answered your own question......."We are enjoying our new status  and are taking things one step at a time". 

Then you change the subject.

You are entitled to have the wedding you wish just as they chose or will choose the wedding they wish.  Keep your wedding talk to a minimum.  Once you have decided on a date and finalized your guest list, select a few "spokespeople" (family gossipers) to answer questions or spread the word.  "Thanks for asking.  Mary and FI have planned a smaller wedding as it is their preference.  I'm sure you understand." 

You can't help or worry about the way others will feel.  More often than not, they will get over it.

thisismynickname2

What @MobKaz said!!

My sister's now-husband has a huge family and they all expected invitations. They had a small wedding of a couple dozen people. 

I'm DH's second wife. His first wedding was big. His second wedding, he made his mom only invite the closest family. (I know that sounds weird but as he doesn't like the vast majority of his family and his mom was fronting a significant part of the budget, that part of the guest list was hers to control.) Including our friends and my teeny family, we had about 70 people. 

Life went on. Everyone still gets along famously. If anyone in either situation was offended, they had the good sense not to make it known. 

Don't worry about this and just invite your nearest and dearest. It'll be fine! 

levioosa

What MobKaz said! I would caution against saying it’s a small event though. A guest list of 100 isn’t exactly small and even though people aren’t entitled to an invite it may cause hurt feelings.