I’m getting married in August of next year, and several months ago, I had eagerly picked out my bridal party. Two of the people in my bridal party, ‘Phillip’ and ‘Beverly' are married to each other, and have been my closest friends for almost a decade. I adore them and was a bridesmaid in their wedding five years ago; they have been together for over fifteen years and I naively didn’t think anything could ever come between them. I was wrong. Phillip and Beverly separated a few weeks after I'd asked them to be in my bridal party.
I've been trying to be considerate of their feelings as I plan my wedding. I've been careful not to bring up anything wedding-related that might trigger some difficult emotions on their part as their marriage ends and have tried to make myself as emotionally available to them as possible.
That being said, it's been almost nine months since their separation began, and I'm at the point where I could really use their help with things. I don't want to be a selfish bridezilla; I realize that I can't possibly imagine what they are going through and that my wedding is (understandably) not really on their radar, but I'm having some serious second thoughts about them being a part of my wedding.
Not only have I not been able to talk to Phillip and Beverly about wedding-related topics, they also are having difficulty being civil with one another. They fluctuate between being best buddies-with-benefits and crying and shouting at each other, and I can't possibly predict when their arguments are going to happen. Are they going to decide to air their drama at the wedding or reception? Are they just going to be stressing me out on the one day I need them to be supportive?
Also, I realize that when people are hurting, they say hurtful things, and Phillip and Beverly have said some things to and about me during this time that I haven't been able to work past. One day, when I was discussing Phillip's professional goals with him, he said that I couldn't possibly understand his struggles because my parents are 'loaded', so I don't have to worry about failure. Not only is this not true, it was really hurtful.
Beverly has also said some things about me to other people about how I struggle with certain bad habits the most out of our friend group (no crazy bad habits, they mostly have to do with me being a workaholic, but still not a great thing to say about a friend). When I confronted her about it, she said she 'couldn't help saying these things' because she just is excited about evangelizing and gets carried away with her words (we aren't the same religion).
These are things I don't think either of these people would say if they weren't already coming from a place of hurt, but it's difficult to feel supported by these two right now. My question is this: do I keep them in the bridal party or do I sit down and have a conversation with them about the fact that I don't trust them to be supportive of me on the big day? I feel like such a jerk and that I'm kicking them while they're down, but I'm also really frustrated with the situation.