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NWR - did I mess up?

My  husband and I offered to throw a 50th anniversary party for his parents and they accepted. We have the venue booked; invites are going out in the next week; I have the menu planned and ordered a cake/cupcakes from a great bakery.

Well today they randomly emailed and said they thought anniversary donuts would be fun instead of cake. What? They have a local donut shop they want to use. But I'm not interested in that at all and already ordered the cake. It's a small cake for cutting and eating and supplemented by cupcakes. Two flavors. I already bought the topper etc.

I told them I already had the cake covered. Was that okay? Did I mess up? I just thought since we are throwing it and hosting and paying I chose the food etc. 

Re: NWR - did I mess up?

  • I mean we are spending $175 on the cake. It's for 100 people. So they would bring donuts on top of that at their own cost? I will mention it to them.

    I had gone over the menu of appetizers with them and they helped with the venue and the guest list of course. 
  • One other thing. The event is 1 to 4 - an open house. 
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    I would let it go, since you've told your ILs that you have the cake covered. 
    But, if they bring it up again: Let's say you order 10 dozen donuts at $9 dozen = $90. If it's in your budget, cover it. If not, tell your ILs they may bring the donuts if they wish. 
                       
    charlotte989875
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    I don't think you're wrong. 
    But does your bakery do donuts? They may let you swap it out for the cupcakes. Or do a cute donut themed cake. They might be able to do a croquembouche traditional at French weddings (which really is just fancy custard donut holes as a tower).

    My point being, it is early enough that the bakery might let you swap out what you ordered for something of equal or greater value. 

    Can't hurt to ask. But before you swap it, I would also check with inlaws to see if they want this. 
    short+sassyMairePoppyMesmrEwe
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    My  husband and I offered to throw a 50th anniversary party for his parents and they accepted. We have the venue booked; invites are going out in the next week; I have the menu planned and ordered a cake/cupcakes from a great bakery.

    Well today they randomly emailed and said they thought anniversary donuts would be fun instead of cake. What? They have a local donut shop they want to use. But I'm not interested in that at all and already ordered the cake. It's a small cake for cutting and eating and supplemented by cupcakes. Two flavors. I already bought the topper etc.

    I told them I already had the cake covered. Was that okay? Did I mess up? I just thought since we are throwing it and hosting and paying I chose the food etc. 
    It was probably a random thought they had while talking with each other about the generous party you offered to host in their honor.  I wouldn't give it much additional thought.

    Since the cake is covered, maybe there is a non-food "fun" or whimsical element you could incorporate into the party.  Perhaps that is all they were looking for is something a bit "different".  Are most of the guests local and familiar with this donut shop, or are they looking to infuse some local "specialty" into the day for their guests?

    Worst case, maybe you (or they) could order and bag the donuts as a favor?  "Donut leave the party without a small token of our thanks for coming."
    charlotte989875eileenrobMairePoppy
  • I don't think you did anything wrong. But I'd try to work donuts in now that I know that's what they prefer. I like the idea of donuts as favors - that's a good compromise. 
    I agree with this. I definitiely don’t  think you did anything wrong by ordering the cake. But now that they’ve said they really would like them if it’s in the budget to work them in I think it would be nice. 
    short+sassyeileenrob
  • Sorry I didn't respond. Had trouble logging in but thanks for everyone's thoughts. 
  • I like the donuts as favours … "I donut know what I would do without you!" on the tags ...
    ShesSoCold
  • Cute idea. I just have to see if we can afford it.
  • I think they just felt compelled to help and this is what they thought of.  I don't think neither of you are in the wrong.  I'm sure they appreciate everything you are doing and wanted to offer a small token of appreciation in any way they could.

    But who doesn't love donuts? I mean, one of my favorite donut places in Providence, PVDonuts has a line out the door daily for a reason! But it's out instinct to always be scared.

    I second or triple the idea of using them as favours.  There are a lot of cute donut quotes/puns online.  "A donut is happiness with sprinkles on top."
  • I don't think you're wrong. 
    But does your bakery do donuts? They may let you swap it out for the cupcakes. Or do a cute donut themed cake. They might be able to do a croquembouche traditional at French weddings (which really is just fancy custard donut holes as a tower).

    My point being, it is early enough that the bakery might let you swap out what you ordered for something of equal or greater value. 

    Can't hurt to ask. But before you swap it, I would also check with inlaws to see if they want this. 
    Along these lines - if the bakery doesn't do donuts, it's good to let them know ahead of time those will be there as well because it is in many baker's contracts no desserts from other bakers.  To the buyer, it's WTF, but the reason it exists is situations where couples will purchase a small decorative cake to cut claiming a small wedding, baker shows up and it's a wedding for 400 with Warehouse club cakes being served to the guests alongside the cake from the bakery.  Two issues - think food sourcing "The cake I ate tasted like crap - I heard the couple used (good baker)" and suddenly their reputation is on the line for a less than delicious product... OR...  "Guests sickened after eating dessert at large event" and it becomes a he said she said but the (good baker)'s name gets associated with a food borne illness even if caused by the other baker...  

    IMO - I'd order some donuts (either through the baker you're already using or with their blessing) to go along with the cupcakes for dessert...
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