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Budget Weddings

Close Post please

be_braverbe_braver
10 Comments Name Dropper
member
edited December 2018 in Budget Weddings
So I live zero waste, and want to minimize my wedding's footprint. It will be a winter wedding in Early March 2020. Here is what I have so far... Am I missing anything?
Using my friends wedding dress for mine
Online rsvp
Using a secondhand dress
Packing up all left over food to donate
Daytime wedding
All real china/cutlery
secondhand decorations OR decorations that can be given a second life
Lots of natural decor
Plan to resell everything I used
Flowers only for the bouquets 
Consumable favors-vs trinkets that will be thrown out
Asked the bar not to give out straws in cocktails/drinks
Working with companies that are also eco-conscious
Not having a gift registry-asking for funds to help us adopt instead <3 OMG FOR ANYONE ELSE WHO WOULD LIKE TO TELL ME TO NOT ASK FOR MONEY RELAX! I know what is polite and if you MUST know this is how I worded it on my registry webpage;
"We are so excited to begin our lives together as a family, and are honored to share our special day with you! If you would like to help us on our journey as a couple please know we do not have a gift registry as we are blessed with all we need already. If you still would like to contribute to our family we have started "The Leo Fund" to help finance our future plans to adopt."  
I'm not actually saying "yo give me money" I don't need people policing me about how I word things in my post here, or what I should or shouldn't do... I was just looking for ideas...  I didn't realize how judgemental people were on here or I wouldn't have even posted this... and that's why I'm trying to get this thread closed.

Re: Close Post please

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    So I live zero waste, and want to minimize my wedding's footprint. It will be a winter wedding in Early March 2020. Here is what I have so far... Am I missing anything?
    Using my friends wedding dress for mine
    Online rsvp
    Using a secondhand dress
    Packing up all left over food to donate
    Daytime wedding
    All real china/cutlery
    secondhand decorations OR decorations that can be given a second life
    Lots of natural decor
    plan to resell everything I used
    Flowers only for the bouquets 
    consumable favors-vs trinkets that will be thrown out
    Asked the bar not to give out straws in cocktails/drinks
    working with companies that are also eco-conscious
    Chose a venue that prioritises green building/ energy. Limit guests having to travel.  Have food and flowers that are in season and local in March to reduce your food miles. Also, check ahead of time that you can donate food- many places to not accept random donations that they cannot tell the origin of. 

    Just because you plan to resell things doesn't make it green. Posting big packages uses lots of carbon. Also, do minimal decor rather than natural decor. Cutting down lots of plants/ commercially harvesting plants in March is not green. 
    charlotte989875Jen4948
  • be_braverbe_braver
    10 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    edited December 2018
    LondonLisa said:Chose a venue that prioritises green building/ energy. Limit guests having to travel.  Have food and flowers that are in season and local in March to reduce your food miles. Also, check ahead of time that you can donate food- many places to not accept random donations that they cannot tell the origin of. 

    Just because you plan to resell things doesn't make it green. Posting big packages uses lots of carbon. Also, do minimal decor rather than natural decor. Cutting down lots of plants/ commercially harvesting plants in March is not green. 
    Natural decor is better than plastic decor, as it can be composted/found in the forests around me. I never said anything about cutting down anything... lots of stuff naturally falls off like pine cones, etc. I've been selling items from my home for a long time as I have been working towards minimalism. I don't ever ship. Usually people around the community just come to get it, and reselling is better than just throwing out like some do! :)

    Like I said I've been living zero waste for over a year and I know what I'm doing. I'm just looking for any ideas I may have missed, not to have stuff pulled apart for what I'm already doing about how it isn't good enough. I didn't want to have a wall of text so I simplified my list rather than explaining every little tiny way something is green/exactly how I am doing it. You can trust I've checked my boxes, crossed my T's and dotted my i's.
  • You may want to think about your transportation and the transportation of your guests.

    Same thing with buying local for your favors/attire for your groom/wedding party and any accessories you’re wearing. 

    It really depends on the extent of “green” and minimal footprint you want to have. Just want to be environmentally conscious? That’s awesome (and more than most people do). Want to truly have a neutral footprint? Then like PPs have said you need to really think about shipping of all your products, those of your vendors, and your guests. There’s no right or wrong here. 

    Also, please don’t ask your guests for money/gifts. That’s never okay. 
    thisismynickname2Jen4948short+sassy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    I agree with trying to be "green" but in moderation. For example, at restaurants and public events, I drink through straws because I'm leery of sipping directly from glasses. Use non-plastic straws.

    Don't ask anyone to help you adopt. It's never appropriate to ask for gifts.
  • Came for the bat signal, was surprised to not see a DD, confused as to why OP would want to close this.


    I'm confused also, but will post my suggestion anyway, in regards to non-plastic straws.

    I'd recommend straws because some people prefer them and there are some medical conditions that make straws a lot easier for people.

    But for a more environmentally friendly answer, I was recently at a restaurant that used uncooked noodles as straws.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Came for the bat signal, was surprised to not see a DD, confused as to why OP would want to close this.


    I'm confused also, but will post my suggestion anyway, in regards to non-plastic straws.

    I'd recommend straws because some people prefer them and there are some medical conditions that make straws a lot easier for people.

    But for a more environmentally friendly answer, I was recently at a restaurant that used uncooked noodles as straws.

    I wanted it closed because people are being preechy about me "asking" for donations, and nit-picking apart what I'm already doing. For example "reselling doesn't mean it's green- shipping is terrible" etc. And literally 4 people commented that I "Shouldn't ask for money" and about how that is never okay/acceptable.  I shouldn't have used the word ask, as I am not "asking" (see my edit in my original comment) but people on here were really quick to judge and honestly it was really disheartening. I felt more attacked than people trying to help me with ideas. We are a community of people who can help each other in a great way as we are all, for the most part, in the same boat. After posting however I feel like most (not all, no one get offended) of the people I got feedback from were not being kind. I don't expect everyone to agree with what I am doing, that would be silly. However there are kind ways for people to state their opinion like yours, and there are unkind ways that feel judgemental and cold and I feel like many of the responses are just quick to tell me why what I am trying to do is not good enough/okay/acceptable/appropriate/ 

    As for the straw thing I don't have anyone who will be coming to my wedding with a medical condition where they need straws. I come from a Zero Waste community and we do talk a lot about the benefits/necessities/reasons for straw usage. I took that into account when making this decision. :)
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    Came for the bat signal, was surprised to not see a DD, confused as to why OP would want to close this.


    I'm confused also, but will post my suggestion anyway, in regards to non-plastic straws.

    I'd recommend straws because some people prefer them and there are some medical conditions that make straws a lot easier for people.

    But for a more environmentally friendly answer, I was recently at a restaurant that used uncooked noodles as straws.

    I wanted it closed because people are being preechy about me "asking" for donations, and nit-picking apart what I'm already doing. For example "reselling doesn't mean it's green- shipping is terrible" etc. And literally 4 people commented that I "Shouldn't ask for money" and about how that is never okay/acceptable.  I shouldn't have used the word ask, as I am not "asking" (see my edit in my original comment) but people on here were really quick to judge and honestly it was really disheartening. I felt more attacked than people trying to help me with ideas. We are a community of people who can help each other in a great way as we are all, for the most part, in the same boat. After posting however I feel like most (not all, no one get offended) of the people I got feedback from were not being kind. I don't expect everyone to agree with what I am doing, that would be silly. However there are kind ways for people to state their opinion like yours, and there are unkind ways that feel judgemental and cold and I feel like many of the responses are just quick to tell me why what I am trying to do is not good enough/okay/acceptable/appropriate/ 

    As for the straw thing I don't have anyone who will be coming to my wedding with a medical condition where they need straws. I come from a Zero Waste community and we do talk a lot about the benefits/necessities/reasons for straw usage. I took that into account when making this decision. :)
    @ryanandjaedi said, "....we do not have a gift registry as we are blessed with all we need already. If you still would like to contribute to our family we have started "The Leo Fund" to help finance our future plans to adopt." 
    This IS a community of people who ARE trying to help you avoid a MAJOR breech of etiquette.  Stating that it is never appropriate to request, by any verbage, money, is a fact of truth.  There is nothing unkind about these words.  People will never say to your face that your request is inappropriate because THEY are being kind.
    No one has attacked you.  No one has judged you.  They are all merely pointing out that it is, again, never appropriate to make any request, or hint thereof, for cash in any form.
    Please kindly consider the thoughtful suggestion of simply stating that you have no need for material things and therefore have not created a wedding registry.

    InLoveInQueensMyNameIsNot
  • be_braverbe_braver
    10 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    edited December 2018
    MobKaz said:
    Came for the bat signal, was surprised to not see a DD, confused as to why OP would want to close this.


    I'm confused also, but will post my suggestion anyway, in regards to non-plastic straws.

    I'd recommend straws because some people prefer them and there are some medical conditions that make straws a lot easier for people.

    But for a more environmentally friendly answer, I was recently at a restaurant that used uncooked noodles as straws.

    I wanted it closed because people are being preechy about me "asking" for donations, and nit-picking apart what I'm already doing. For example "reselling doesn't mean it's green- shipping is terrible" etc. And literally 4 people commented that I "Shouldn't ask for money" and about how that is never okay/acceptable.  I shouldn't have used the word ask, as I am not "asking" (see my edit in my original comment) but people on here were really quick to judge and honestly it was really disheartening. I felt more attacked than people trying to help me with ideas. We are a community of people who can help each other in a great way as we are all, for the most part, in the same boat. After posting however I feel like most (not all, no one get offended) of the people I got feedback from were not being kind. I don't expect everyone to agree with what I am doing, that would be silly. However there are kind ways for people to state their opinion like yours, and there are unkind ways that feel judgemental and cold and I feel like many of the responses are just quick to tell me why what I am trying to do is not good enough/okay/acceptable/appropriate/ 

    As for the straw thing I don't have anyone who will be coming to my wedding with a medical condition where they need straws. I come from a Zero Waste community and we do talk a lot about the benefits/necessities/reasons for straw usage. I took that into account when making this decision. :)
    @ryanandjaedi said, "....we do not have a gift registry as we are blessed with all we need already. If you still would like to contribute to our family we have started "The Leo Fund" to help finance our future plans to adopt." 
    This IS a community of people who ARE trying to help you avoid a MAJOR breech of etiquette.  Stating that it is never appropriate to request, by any verbage, money, is a fact of truth.  There is nothing unkind about these words.  People will never say to your face that your request is inappropriate because THEY are being kind.
    No one has attacked you.  No one has judged you.  They are all merely pointing out that it is, again, never appropriate to make any request, or hint thereof, for cash in any form.
    Please kindly consider the thoughtful suggestion of simply stating that you have no need for material things and therefore have not created a wedding registry.

    People have honeymoon funds on their knot registry webpage, house funds, etc. I don't understand how an adoption fund is any different. It's not like I'm advertising it on my invites, this is only if people look at the "registry page." 
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    @ryanandjaedi said, "People have honeymoon funds on their knot registry webpage, house funds, etc. I don't understand how an adoption fund is any different. It's not like I'm advertising it on my invites, this is only if people look at the "registry page." 
    You are correct.  They are not different.  If you research posts on here regarding ANY of those funds, you will find the SAME words of caution.  The issue/cause/situation is NO different.  Under NO circumstance is it ever acceptable to ask for money.  Ever.
    InLoveInQueenseileenrobMesmrEweMyNameIsNot
  • MobKaz said:
    @ryanandjaedi said, "People have honeymoon funds on their knot registry webpage, house funds, etc. I don't understand how an adoption fund is any different. It's not like I'm advertising it on my invites, this is only if people look at the "registry page." 
    You are correct.  They are not different.  If you research posts on here regarding ANY of those funds, you will find the SAME words of caution.  The issue/cause/situation is NO different.  Under NO circumstance is it ever acceptable to ask for money.  Ever.
    Honestly I think that is a stupid rule. Why on earth is it considered okay/polite to have a list of stuff that you hope people will buy for you but it isn't acceptable for someone to hope for support for a fund of some type, one for adopting a child which cost close to 30K, non the less! This wedding rule is not something I am going to abide by because I disagree with it. If it were so abominable I don't think it would be popular enough to have as an option on many wedding planning sites. I don't partake in consumerist society for the most part, and I want people attending my wedding who decide that they want to give us cash where their money is going and how meaningful it is to our family. The fact that it is okay to have a list of consumerist things, but not a fund is archaic. 
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    MobKaz said:
    @ryanandjaedi said, "People have honeymoon funds on their knot registry webpage, house funds, etc. I don't understand how an adoption fund is any different. It's not like I'm advertising it on my invites, this is only if people look at the "registry page." 
    You are correct.  They are not different.  If you research posts on here regarding ANY of those funds, you will find the SAME words of caution.  The issue/cause/situation is NO different.  Under NO circumstance is it ever acceptable to ask for money.  Ever.
    Honestly I think that is a stupid rule. Why on earth is it considered okay/polite to have a list of stuff that you hope people will buy for you but it isn't acceptable for someone to hope for support for a fund of some type, one for adopting a child which cost close to 30K, non the less! This wedding rule is not something I am going to abide by because I disagree with it. If it were so abominable I don't think it would be popular enough to have as an option on many wedding planning sites. I don't partake in consumerist society for the most part, and I want people attending my wedding who decide that they want to give us cash where their money is going and how meaningful it is to our family. The fact that
    There is a huge difference between asking for cash handouts and creating a registry.  However, you have made up your mind, so I won't waste my time.  The wedding industry is willing to promote anything to generate income for itself, including things that are tacky and impolite.  Asking for cash is NOT a "wedding rule".  It is an etiquette rule. 
    If you want to discuss wedding rules, then consider that wedding registries were initially created to help couples begin their household lives together.  A cash fund for a wedding trip, or anything else unrelated to establishing a household, is not part of that wedding tradition.
    If you were not getting married, would you be asking for cash for your fund?

    InLoveInQueenseileenrob
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    It's not OK to ask people for cash, or money donated to a fund. This includes honeyfunds, house funds, etc. 

    If you want cash, just don't register. People will understand you would prefer a cash gift. 

    InLoveInQueensmissJeanLouiseshort+sassyeileenrob
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited December 2018
    I also don't see how anyone was rude by informing you about the adoption fund and other suggestions.....  

    eta/ I just went to a wedding this weekend.  They had no registry.  Every single person brought a card.  

    justsieshort+sassy
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    mod
    I also don't see how anyone was rude by informing you about the adoption fund and other suggestions.....  

    eta/ I just went to a wedding this weekend.  They had no registry.  Every single person brought a card.  
    It's just easier to focus on that than to actually listen to the message and realize that you (general you) may not be as perfect as your mommy led you to believe. 

    People would rather pick apart the delivery than try to understand what someone is saying. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • MobKaz said:
    MobKaz said:
    @ryanandjaedi said, "People have honeymoon funds on their knot registry webpage, house funds, etc. I don't understand how an adoption fund is any different. It's not like I'm advertising it on my invites, this is only if people look at the "registry page." 
    You are correct.  They are not different.  If you research posts on here regarding ANY of those funds, you will find the SAME words of caution.  The issue/cause/situation is NO different.  Under NO circumstance is it ever acceptable to ask for money.  Ever.
    Honestly I think that is a stupid rule. Why on earth is it considered okay/polite to have a list of stuff that you hope people will buy for you but it isn't acceptable for someone to hope for support for a fund of some type, one for adopting a child which cost close to 30K, non the less! This wedding rule is not something I am going to abide by because I disagree with it. If it were so abominable I don't think it would be popular enough to have as an option on many wedding planning sites. I don't partake in consumerist society for the most part, and I want people attending my wedding who decide that they want to give us cash where their money is going and how meaningful it is to our family. The fact that
    There is a huge difference between asking for cash handouts and creating a registry.  However, you have made up your mind, so I won't waste my time.  The wedding industry is willing to promote anything to generate income for itself, including things that are tacky and impolite.  Asking for cash is NOT a "wedding rule".  It is an etiquette rule. 
    If you want to discuss wedding rules, then consider that wedding registries were initially created to help couples begin their household lives together.  A cash fund for a wedding trip, or anything else unrelated to establishing a household, is not part of that wedding tradition.
    If you were not getting married, would you be asking for cash for your fund?

    Just to answer that, yes. Adoption is exceptionally expensive and many many people fundraise to help cover the cost of adoption. People all the time stand in front of grocery stores selling something like cookies to help raise money for their adoptions. Adoption cost close to $30k for one child, not including the actual things you need to take care of said child. There are a small number of organizations that help with grants but unfortunately adopting is not a non-profit business and it is exceptionally costly. Maybe I'm just a bold person but I am not above fundraising to help give a child a loving home. And this is related to establishing our household. We aren't saving for a trip, or vacation or even something for ourselves really, we just want to be able to give a loving, protecting, safe home to a child who doesn't have one. 
  • MobKaz said:
    MobKaz said:
    MobKaz said:
    @ryanandjaedi said, "People have honeymoon funds on their knot registry webpage, house funds, etc. I don't understand how an adoption fund is any different. It's not like I'm advertising it on my invites, this is only if people look at the "registry page." 
    You are correct.  They are not different.  If you research posts on here regarding ANY of those funds, you will find the SAME words of caution.  The issue/cause/situation is NO different.  Under NO circumstance is it ever acceptable to ask for money.  Ever.
    Honestly I think that is a stupid rule. Why on earth is it considered okay/polite to have a list of stuff that you hope people will buy for you but it isn't acceptable for someone to hope for support for a fund of some type, one for adopting a child which cost close to 30K, non the less! This wedding rule is not something I am going to abide by because I disagree with it. If it were so abominable I don't think it would be popular enough to have as an option on many wedding planning sites. I don't partake in consumerist society for the most part, and I want people attending my wedding who decide that they want to give us cash where their money is going and how meaningful it is to our family. The fact that
    There is a huge difference between asking for cash handouts and creating a registry.  However, you have made up your mind, so I won't waste my time.  The wedding industry is willing to promote anything to generate income for itself, including things that are tacky and impolite.  Asking for cash is NOT a "wedding rule".  It is an etiquette rule. 
    If you want to discuss wedding rules, then consider that wedding registries were initially created to help couples begin their household lives together.  A cash fund for a wedding trip, or anything else unrelated to establishing a household, is not part of that wedding tradition.
    If you were not getting married, would you be asking for cash for your fund?

    Just to answer that, yes. Adoption is exceptionally expensive and many many people fundraise to help cover the cost of adoption. People all the time stand in front of grocery stores selling something like cookies to help raise money for their adoptions. Adoption cost close to $30k for one child, not including the actual things you need to take care of said child. There are a small number of organizations that help with grants but unfortunately adopting is not a non-profit business and it is exceptionally costly. Maybe I'm just a bold person but I am not above fundraising to help give a child a loving home. And this is related to establishing our household. We aren't saving for a trip, or vacation or even something for ourselves really, we just want to be able to give a loving, protecting, safe home to a child who doesn't have one. 
    Lots of people do lots of things all the time THAT ARE NOT APPROPRIATE.  It does NOT make it right. 
    I'm sorry, but in light of your most recent response, you are more than simply bold.  You have inappropriate expectations about what you should expect and accept as an adult making adult choices.  
    I will also be so bold as to say that your statement that you are "fundraising for a child" could not sound more crass.
    Exactly! You never know what other people are going through. They may have medical issues that cost a lot of money, maybe they are saving money to adopt a child and asking them to donate to a fund for someone to adopt a child could cause all sorts of feelings. Life is expensive. You (general you) can't ask guests to finance your life.
    MobKazInLoveInQueenssparklepants41
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    mod
    MobKaz said:
    MobKaz said:
    MobKaz said:
    @ryanandjaedi said, "People have honeymoon funds on their knot registry webpage, house funds, etc. I don't understand how an adoption fund is any different. It's not like I'm advertising it on my invites, this is only if people look at the "registry page." 
    You are correct.  They are not different.  If you research posts on here regarding ANY of those funds, you will find the SAME words of caution.  The issue/cause/situation is NO different.  Under NO circumstance is it ever acceptable to ask for money.  Ever.
    Honestly I think that is a stupid rule. Why on earth is it considered okay/polite to have a list of stuff that you hope people will buy for you but it isn't acceptable for someone to hope for support for a fund of some type, one for adopting a child which cost close to 30K, non the less! This wedding rule is not something I am going to abide by because I disagree with it. If it were so abominable I don't think it would be popular enough to have as an option on many wedding planning sites. I don't partake in consumerist society for the most part, and I want people attending my wedding who decide that they want to give us cash where their money is going and how meaningful it is to our family. The fact that
    There is a huge difference between asking for cash handouts and creating a registry.  However, you have made up your mind, so I won't waste my time.  The wedding industry is willing to promote anything to generate income for itself, including things that are tacky and impolite.  Asking for cash is NOT a "wedding rule".  It is an etiquette rule. 
    If you want to discuss wedding rules, then consider that wedding registries were initially created to help couples begin their household lives together.  A cash fund for a wedding trip, or anything else unrelated to establishing a household, is not part of that wedding tradition.
    If you were not getting married, would you be asking for cash for your fund?

    Just to answer that, yes. Adoption is exceptionally expensive and many many people fundraise to help cover the cost of adoption. People all the time stand in front of grocery stores selling something like cookies to help raise money for their adoptions. Adoption cost close to $30k for one child, not including the actual things you need to take care of said child. There are a small number of organizations that help with grants but unfortunately adopting is not a non-profit business and it is exceptionally costly. Maybe I'm just a bold person but I am not above fundraising to help give a child a loving home. And this is related to establishing our household. We aren't saving for a trip, or vacation or even something for ourselves really, we just want to be able to give a loving, protecting, safe home to a child who doesn't have one. 
    Lots of people do lots of things all the time THAT ARE NOT APPROPRIATE.  It does NOT make it right. 
    I'm sorry, but in light of your most recent response, you are more than simply bold.  You have inappropriate expectations about what you should expect and accept as an adult making adult choices.  
    I will also be so bold as to say that your statement that you are "fundraising for a child" could not sound more crass.
    The Rock Applause GIF
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    edited December 2018
    **Removed for glitches
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