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Attire and Accessories

Father of the Bride Attire

I am trying to decide the best combine for my dad to wear. He has said he wants me to pick out his outfit. Our colors are black, fire engine red, and silver/grey as an accent. The groom is wearing a black tux with a white shirt, black tie and vest, white and silver cuff links, and white pocket square, the best man is wearing a black tux with a white shirt, red tie and vest, black and silver cuff links, and white pocket square, the groomsmen/ushers/ring bearer are wearing a black tux with a white shirt, red tie and vest, black and silver cuff links, and red pocket square. My father will also be wearing a tux, but my fiance does not want him in the same color tux as him and the groomsmen so I am thinking dark grey with a white shirt, but I am still trying to decide on the colors of the vest (if the vest is even necessary), tie, cuff links, and pocket square. Any opinions? Is a vest necessary? If you think the vest is necessary does it need to be the same color as the tie?
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Re: Father of the Bride Attire

  • I am trying to decide the best combine for my dad to wear. He has said he wants me to pick out his outfit. Our colors are black, fire engine red, and silver/grey as an accent. The groom is wearing a black tux with a white shirt, black tie and vest, white and silver cuff links, and white pocket square, the best man is wearing a black tux with a white shirt, red tie and vest, black and silver cuff links, and white pocket square, the groomsmen/ushers/ring bearer are wearing a black tux with a white shirt, red tie and vest, black and silver cuff links, and red pocket square. My father will also be wearing a tux, but my fiance does not want him in the same color tux as him and the groomsmen so I am thinking dark grey with a white shirt, but I am still trying to decide on the colors of the vest (if the vest is even necessary), tie, cuff links, and pocket square. Any opinions? Is a vest necessary? If you think the vest is necessary does it need to be the same color as the tie?

    I would ditch the vest so that it doesn't look like prom. Does he own a suit already? If so, I would encourage him to wear that. The FOB doesn't need to match anyone.
    MesmrEwe
  • He does not own a suit.
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    He does not own a suit.
    Cool. He should wear what he wants. My dad wanted to rent a tux and wear a purple paisley bow tie (one of our colors was purple). He chose that, I did not direct it. Your FI is not allowed to say what your dad wears, as he is not part of the wedding party. You do not need to be deciding his attire for him.

    If your dad truly has no idea how to dress himself for the wedding, he'll ask for direction. Start with telling him that just FYI on the formality, everyone else is wearing tuxes or suits.

    However, if he's the sort of person who doesn't even own a suit, I think he may feel awkward in a prom-esque tux. So just let it be what it is (and let him be who he is).
    MesmrEwe
  • He did ask for direction. He has no problem wearing a tux. He's the best man in my brother's wedding which is before mine and he's wearing a tux in his wedding.
  • He did ask for direction. He has no problem wearing a tux. He's the best man in my brother's wedding which is before mine and he's wearing a tux in his wedding.
    Is he going to rent it each time or is it worth purchasing? I second skipping the vest, I am just not a fan. 
    ernursejcharlotte989875
  • He did ask for direction. He has no problem wearing a tux. He's the best man in my brother's wedding which is before mine and he's wearing a tux in his wedding.
    Is he going to rent it each time or is it worth purchasing? I second skipping the vest, I am just not a fan. 
    I think he is going to rent it each time because it would be cheaper in the long run. 
  • edited December 2018
    I was going to go with the traditional black and white tux, but my fiance has asked if my dad could wear grey instead of black since he and the groomsmen will be in black. I asked my dad's opinion and he said whatever you want so he doesn't care if he's in black, grey, tan, or blue. I definitely don't want to do blue because we would look patriotic since my dress is white and the bridesmaids are in red. I'm thinking something like the photo below, but with a black pocket square instead of white. I know my brother is having his groomsmen wear gray grey tuxes for his wedding which is a few months before mine and my dad is the best man, but I don't think it would be cheaper for him to just buy the tux. I think my brother's wedding is the first time my dad will ever wear a tux which is why I'm thinking he told me to just pick out what he wears since he has never worn one before. I don't believe he went to prom and my parents eloped so like I said my brother's wedding is probably the first time he will wear one. 

     
    charlotte989875
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    edited December 2018
    But, most formal menswear is black. You'll have numerous male guests in black. Why is it so important that he not remotely resemble the wedding party?

    ETA - there's nothing wrong with the grey suit you posted. I like it. I just wouldn't place so much importance on a non-black suit since black is like 90% of men's suits and tuxes.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    thisismynickname2short+sassyInLoveInQueens
  • I have no clue why my fiance doesn't want my dad in black. All he said was that he wants his groomsmen to stand out. I know his father won't even wear a suit or tux. It wouldn't surprise me if his dad shows up in jeans and a t-shirt. 
  • I like charcoal or dark grey suits, and if you think he would wear it again I think a grey suit gets a lot more use than a black suit. Outside of weddings and funerals (or super formal events) or work, I think black isn’t worn as much. All the weddings and events we go to men are usually in grey or dark blue suits, not black. 

    So if he wants you to choose (my dad did too) and your FI suggested grey that’s what I’d go with. I think grey is classic and can be used more than a black suit can (IMO). 
  • I like charcoal or dark grey suits, and if you think he would wear it again I think a grey suit gets a lot more use than a black suit. Outside of weddings and funerals (or super formal events) or work, I think black isn’t worn as much. All the weddings and events we go to men are usually in grey or dark blue suits, not black. 

    So if he wants you to choose (my dad did too) and your FI suggested grey that’s what I’d go with. I think grey is classic and can be used more than a black suit can (IMO). 
    I'm not sure if he would wear it again aside from my wedding and my brother's. He doesn't normally dress up. He is an exterminator so he doesn't really have any reason to. Do you think he should wear a vest? 
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    I like charcoal or dark grey suits, and if you think he would wear it again I think a grey suit gets a lot more use than a black suit. Outside of weddings and funerals (or super formal events) or work, I think black isn’t worn as much. All the weddings and events we go to men are usually in grey or dark blue suits, not black. 

    So if he wants you to choose (my dad did too) and your FI suggested grey that’s what I’d go with. I think grey is classic and can be used more than a black suit can (IMO). 
    Hah, and my experience is the opposite! Interesting! Although, I don't really attend events where men wear suits outside of weddings and funerals so that might be why I usually only see black. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    charlotte989875
  • I like charcoal or dark grey suits, and if you think he would wear it again I think a grey suit gets a lot more use than a black suit. Outside of weddings and funerals (or super formal events) or work, I think black isn’t worn as much. All the weddings and events we go to men are usually in grey or dark blue suits, not black. 

    So if he wants you to choose (my dad did too) and your FI suggested grey that’s what I’d go with. I think grey is classic and can be used more than a black suit can (IMO). 
    I'm not sure if he would wear it again aside from my wedding and my brother's. He doesn't normally dress up. He is an exterminator so he doesn't really have any reason to. Do you think he should wear a vest? 
    Nope, like everyone else I’m pretty anti-vest unless he has a strong preference to wear one (which it doesn’t sound like he does). I’d go with bow tie or a nice tie that compliments your colors. 
  • I like charcoal or dark grey suits, and if you think he would wear it again I think a grey suit gets a lot more use than a black suit. Outside of weddings and funerals (or super formal events) or work, I think black isn’t worn as much. All the weddings and events we go to men are usually in grey or dark blue suits, not black. 

    So if he wants you to choose (my dad did too) and your FI suggested grey that’s what I’d go with. I think grey is classic and can be used more than a black suit can (IMO). 
    Hah, and my experience is the opposite! Interesting! Although, I don't really attend events where men wear suits outside of weddings and funerals so that might be why I usually only see black. 
    Could also be a regional thing! We seem to go to a lot more events lately for my job (hello corporate life) and we just haven’t seen that much black. But this might just be a Buffalo/NY thing!
  • I like charcoal or dark grey suits, and if you think he would wear it again I think a grey suit gets a lot more use than a black suit. Outside of weddings and funerals (or super formal events) or work, I think black isn’t worn as much. All the weddings and events we go to men are usually in grey or dark blue suits, not black. 

    So if he wants you to choose (my dad did too) and your FI suggested grey that’s what I’d go with. I think grey is classic and can be used more than a black suit can (IMO). 
    I'm not sure if he would wear it again aside from my wedding and my brother's. He doesn't normally dress up. He is an exterminator so he doesn't really have any reason to. Do you think he should wear a vest? 
    Nope, like everyone else I’m pretty anti-vest unless he has a strong preference to wear one (which it doesn’t sound like he does). I’d go with bow tie or a nice tie that compliments your colors. 
    Okay thanks! I think we are going to go with no vest since everyone seems to agree on that and my dad doesn't have an opinion either way. I think I will probably go with a black tie that way my mom can wear any color and still match him. 
    charlotte989875sparklepants41
  • I like charcoal or dark grey suits, and if you think he would wear it again I think a grey suit gets a lot more use than a black suit. Outside of weddings and funerals (or super formal events) or work, I think black isn’t worn as much. All the weddings and events we go to men are usually in grey or dark blue suits, not black. 

    So if he wants you to choose (my dad did too) and your FI suggested grey that’s what I’d go with. I think grey is classic and can be used more than a black suit can (IMO). 
    I'm not sure if he would wear it again aside from my wedding and my brother's. He doesn't normally dress up. He is an exterminator so he doesn't really have any reason to. Do you think he should wear a vest? 
    Nope, like everyone else I’m pretty anti-vest unless he has a strong preference to wear one (which it doesn’t sound like he does). I’d go with bow tie or a nice tie that compliments your colors. 
    Okay thanks! I think we are going to go with no vest since everyone seems to agree on that and my dad doesn't have an opinion either way. I think I will probably go with a black tie that way my mom can wear any color and still match him. 
    I think that sounds great!
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm picturing CMGr and that cat clutching their pearls at the mention of a grey tux. "Tuxedos are black only and are only worn after 6:00 PM". <3

    Anyway, if Dad REALLY REALLY wants you to select his clothes for him, why not just go with a classic black and white tux? Maybe give him a bow tie instead?

    I agree on the vests (especially colored ones) looking very prom-y.
    I almost mentioned CMG, haha. I prefer black for a tux (IMO, charcoal/grey is fine to daaaaamn for a suit, but I think a tux looks silly in colors other than black, like it's trying to be both a tux and a suit).

    Therefore, I wouldn't want to ask anyone (especially someone not actually in the wedding party!) to wear a grey one if they didn't themselves like it better.
    charlotte989875short+sassyMesmrEwe
  • I'm picturing CMGr and that cat clutching their pearls at the mention of a grey tux. "Tuxedos are black only and are only worn after 6:00 PM". <3

    Anyway, if Dad REALLY REALLY wants you to select his clothes for him, why not just go with a classic black and white tux? Maybe give him a bow tie instead?

    I agree on the vests (especially colored ones) looking very prom-y.
    I almost mentioned CMG, haha. I prefer black for a tux (IMO, charcoal/grey is fine to daaaaamn for a suit, but I think a tux looks silly in colors other than black, like it's trying to be both a tux and a suit).

    Therefore, I wouldn't want to ask anyone (especially someone not actually in the wedding party!) to wear a grey one if they didn't themselves like it better.
    I definitely meant a suit in grey, not a tux! 

    And I thought of CMG, too, she would have had all the answers here. 
  • I'm picturing CMGr and that cat clutching their pearls at the mention of a grey tux. "Tuxedos are black only and are only worn after 6:00 PM". <3

    Anyway, if Dad REALLY REALLY wants you to select his clothes for him, why not just go with a classic black and white tux? Maybe give him a bow tie instead?

    I agree on the vests (especially colored ones) looking very prom-y.
    I almost mentioned CMG, haha. I prefer black for a tux (IMO, charcoal/grey is fine to daaaaamn for a suit, but I think a tux looks silly in colors other than black, like it's trying to be both a tux and a suit).

    Therefore, I wouldn't want to ask anyone (especially someone not actually in the wedding party!) to wear a grey one if they didn't themselves like it better.
    I definitely meant a suit in grey, not a tux! 

    And I thought of CMG, too, she would have had all the answers here. 
    I am not familiar with CMG. So you guys think he should wear a grey suit instead of a grey tux. When we went to Men's Warehouse to pick out the groomsmen's outfits they recommended sticking with tuxes for the fathers since the groomsmen were in tuxes. 
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    CMGr was a longtime poster here who passed away last year. She was the queen of attire and invitation wording knowledge. 

    I personally would go with a grey suit and not a tux. 

    But really, anything (except like a velour suit) would look fine. Think of the weddings you've been to and the wedding pictures you've seen. Do you REALLY notice the differences between the men's suits/tuxes, whatever?
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    charlotte989875
  • I'm picturing CMGr and that cat clutching their pearls at the mention of a grey tux. "Tuxedos are black only and are only worn after 6:00 PM". <3

    Anyway, if Dad REALLY REALLY wants you to select his clothes for him, why not just go with a classic black and white tux? Maybe give him a bow tie instead?

    I agree on the vests (especially colored ones) looking very prom-y.
    I almost mentioned CMG, haha. I prefer black for a tux (IMO, charcoal/grey is fine to daaaaamn for a suit, but I think a tux looks silly in colors other than black, like it's trying to be both a tux and a suit).

    Therefore, I wouldn't want to ask anyone (especially someone not actually in the wedding party!) to wear a grey one if they didn't themselves like it better.
    I definitely meant a suit in grey, not a tux! 

    And I thought of CMG, too, she would have had all the answers here. 
    I am not familiar with CMG. So you guys think he should wear a grey suit instead of a grey tux. When we went to Men's Warehouse to pick out the groomsmen's outfits they recommended sticking with tuxes for the fathers since the groomsmen were in tuxes. 
    CMG was a regular poster who knew a TON about proper etiquette. She passed away this year, but would have been very helpful on picking attire. 

    If youre doing tuxes they really should be black. Then you can change out the ties. I definitely would not recommend a grey tux. A suit yes, but definitely not a grey tux. Sorry for the confusion! 
    ShesSoCold
  • CMGr was a longtime poster here who passed away last year. She was the queen of attire and invitation wording knowledge. 

    I personally would go with a grey suit and not a tux. 

    But really, anything (except like a velour suit) would look fine. Think of the weddings you've been to and the wedding pictures you've seen. Do you REALLY notice the differences between the men's suits/tuxes, whatever?
    I have been to very few weddings so I wouldn't notice the difference. I was just basing the decision to have my dad wear a tux based off of what Men's Warehouse recommended. They thought it wouldn't look uniform if the groomsmen/bridesman (my brother is on my side and will be wearing the same thing the groomsmen are wearing) and the groom were in tuxes, but my dad was in a suit. 
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    CMGr was a longtime poster here who passed away last year. She was the queen of attire and invitation wording knowledge. 

    I personally would go with a grey suit and not a tux. 

    But really, anything (except like a velour suit) would look fine. Think of the weddings you've been to and the wedding pictures you've seen. Do you REALLY notice the differences between the men's suits/tuxes, whatever?
    I have been to very few weddings so I wouldn't notice the difference. I was just basing the decision to have my dad wear a tux based off of what Men's Warehouse recommended. They thought it wouldn't look uniform if the groomsmen/bridesman (my brother is on my side and will be wearing the same thing the groomsmen are wearing) and the groom were in tuxes, but my dad was in a suit. 
    Our GMs themselves were in different tuxes. Some already owned a black tux and I wasn't about to have them rent another one. I still can't tell in the pictures I have up in my house every day. Literally no one noticed.

    Also, your dad is not in the wedding party. So he does not need to match. Full stop. There is going to be maybe one picture where your family is in the same picture as all the GMs and your brother, and likely your mom and others will be in it too. So it's not going to be uniform, which is okay because it's not a ballet cast photo, it's your family and friends.
    charlotte989875
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I still don't understand why your dad can't just wear a black tux. And I don't understand why your FI is dictating what your dad is wearing. 

    MobKazgeebee908
  • I think a grey or navy suit would be great - in my experience it would likely be more cost effective to purchase a suit vs rent a tux (twice!) in a short period of time.  I know he doesn't wear a suit ever, but I think it's one of those things that may be nice to have on the off-chance he does need to attend another wedding or funeral or something. 


    maine7mob
  • Why can't your dad wear a black tux?? 

    If I recall we did DH with a white vest and tie, the GM in silver and the dads in black.

    No one got confused and thought it was the prom.   If I had to do it all over I would probably go with all in black.

    If you want your dad in a tux what about black tux and then changing the flowers for the dads so those are different? 
    MesmrEwe
  • maine7mobmaine7mob member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2018
    I guarantee that your FI isn't even going to notice what your dad is wearing. If he is going to wear a tux, it should be black, no vest. No one is going to mistake the FOB for a groomsman.

    If he doesn't want a black tux or you are concerned about upsetting your FI, then he should wear a suit. Since he has to buy one, then find one in a color that he will be able to wear again to future formal events. Dark navy and grey are both good for this.

    The most important thing, IMO, is fit. If he buys it off the rack, make sure he has it tailored to fit him really well.

    ETA: I agree with what @Casadena said about owning a suit, even if he doesn't usually wear one. If he has one in his closet and an important event comes up, he will wear it.
    MesmrEwe
  • edited December 2018
    I have no clue why my fiance doesn't want him in a black tux. I thought that would be the best option. I even suggested a different black tux from the one that the groomsmen and my brother (bridesman) will be wearing. My fiance is dictating what he wears because my dad told both of us we could pick what he wears. Aside from the fact that he has never worn a tux, the closest Men's Warehouse to my parents' is about an hour to an hour and half away and my dad owns the exterminating company he works for so he works 12+ hours a day and does not really have the time to spend shopping and he hates shopping. His idea of shopping is either sending my mom lol or going getting what you want and getting the hell out. 
  • I have no clue why my fiance doesn't want him in a black tux. I thought that would be the best option. I even suggested a different black tux from the one that the groomsmen and my brother (bridesman) will be wearing. My fiance is dictating what he wears because my dad told both of us we could pick what he wears. Aside from the fact that he has never worn a tux, the closest Men's Warehouse to my parents' is about an hour to an hour and half away and my dad owns the exterminating company he works for so he works 12+ hours a day and does not really have the time to spend shopping and he hates shopping. His idea of shopping is either sending my mom lol or going getting what you want and getting the hell out. 
    Could your dad just buy a non Men's Warehouse tux if this is at least a 3 hour effort that may need to be repeated when your brother gets married? 

    Why would your FI want to be controlling something that's really not this big a deal?   It sounds like your dad's trying to go down the path of least resistance but why is your FI hellbent on making it the path of the greatest effort? 
    charlotte989875MesmrEwe
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