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Etiquette

Rehearsal dinner dilemma

edited January 3 in Etiquette
Hello everyone, 

I am getting married the day after fourth of July this year, it is a Friday. My fiance and I are indecisive about what night to have the rehearsal dinner. We aren't crazy about doing it on the fourth of July because most of the people are going to want to relax and may have other plans for that holiday. So I was thinking about having it the weds before which is July 3rd......but that can also be an issue because everyone works that day. Another idea we had is the weekend before, which may be the only choice at this point, but that also risks about two people in the wedding party (groomsmen) not being able to make it due to being out of state. Also two of the bridesmaids that are local have dates/boyfriends that are out of state. That being said everyone else in the party is local, but I don't know how to accommodate everyone and keep them happy. Should I check with everyone and see how they feel?

I should also note that I don't have anybody that would need to get a flight to come, the people that are out of state are about a few hours drive. 

Re: Rehearsal dinner dilemma

  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hello everyone, 

    I am getting married the day after fourth of July this year, it is a Friday. My fiance and I are indecisive about what night to have the rehearsal dinner. We aren't crazy about doing it on the fourth of July because most of the people are going to want to relax and may have other plans for that holiday. So I was thinking about having it the weds before which is July 3rd......but that can also be an issue because everyone works that day. Another idea we had is the weekend before, which may be the only choice at this point, but that also risks about two people in the wedding party not being able to make it due to being out of state. Also two of the bridesmaids dates/boyfriends are also out of state. That being said everyone else in the party is local, but I don't know how to accommodate everyone and keep them happy. Should I check with everyone and see how they feel?
    Do you really need to have a rehearsal?

    Honestly, everyone can figure out walking down an aisle. Just brief them verbally and skip the rehearsal (and therefore you don't have to host a rehearsal dinner). Because yeah, the timing of your wedding makes it pretty inconvenient to have one either day.

    It's not wrong at all to have a Friday wedding, but you do run into these issues. I wouldn't expect your OOS bridesmaids to take off an extra day for a rehearsal and dinner which aren't strictly necessary.

    If you do want to host one on the 3rd, make it late (after the workday) and make it clear to the out of state folks that the others can bring them up to speed and it's okay if they can't make it.
    InLoveInQueensshort+sassycharlotte989875
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ditto @flantastic. A rehearsal is only really necessary if your ceremony has some complicated aspect that WP would need to rehearse.  Of course I understand the desire to have one + an RD (I had a straightforward ceremony and did a rehearsal anyway) but in your case surrounding a holiday, if you’re set on having one, I’d do it the weekend before.  And just catch the OOT people up before your ceremony.
    MesmrEwe
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Any car travel the week of the 4th could be tricky.  I would not recommend having a rehearsal on the 3rd.  In our area, we have just as many towns that display fireworks on the 3rd as on the evening of the 4th.  I would absolutely not have it the week before the wedding.
    Honestly, I would try to have a late afternoon/early evening rehearsal on the 4th if the expectation is that most wedding party and guests will already be in town.  You can host a fun and casual July 4th lunch/dinner and either enjoy fireworks together or disperse before they begin.
    If that doesn't work, I would honestly just skip it altogether, and plan on everyone getting to the ceremony site a few minutes early.
    downtondivashort+sassycharlotte989875
  • Can you ask your BP if they've given any thought to travel plans and when they planned to be in town? 

    My first thought is that if you're having a wedding on a holiday weekend it sort of means that you either need to sacrifice or go big.   So either turn the RD into a big 4th of July event OR just don't have one.   

    OR - what time is your wedding on the 5th?  Would you be able to have a dry run the morning of and then head off to appointments if you think that's necessary? 

    If you are needing some kind of run through for venue/church requirements do you need everyone there for it?  
    short+sassycharlotte989875MesmrEwe
  • MobKaz said:
    Any car travel the week of the 4th could be tricky.  I would not recommend having a rehearsal on the 3rd.  In our area, we have just as many towns that display fireworks on the 3rd as on the evening of the 4th.  I would absolutely not have it the week before the wedding.
    Honestly, I would try to have a late afternoon/early evening rehearsal on the 4th if the expectation is that most wedding party and guests will already be in town.  You can host a fun and casual July 4th lunch/dinner and either enjoy fireworks together or disperse before they begin.
    If that doesn't work, I would honestly just skip it altogether, and plan on everyone getting to the ceremony site a few minutes early.
    Totally agree with all of this. The weekend before is way too early and also interrupts a weekend that your friends/family would have to themselves otherwise. If you do the rehearsal late enough in the day on the 4th, it may allow people to participate in at least some of their usual plans earlier in the day (town parades, afternoon bbq's, etc.). You can certainly do something 4th of July themed for the rehearsal dinner. 

    For whatever it's worth, my wedding rehearsal literally lasted a few minutes. Same was true for my brother's wedding. Spending time with everyone after was great, but the rehearsals themselves felt a bit unnecessary. So if you're really concerned about inconveniencing people or interrupting their plans, I would suggest you consider whether a rehearsal is needed at all before you decide anything else.
    image
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I also agree that skipping it is probably the best option, but if you must, can you do it on the morning of the 4th with a breakfast or brunch? 

    A lot of people have daytime events on the holiday, but a lot of people also have evening things with the fireworks. Having it at lunch/early afternoon means people have to skip the picnic, while doing a dinner means skipping the fireworks. If you did something in the morning, yes it would mean waking up early on a holiday, but you could wrap everything up by 11, so everyone has time to get to their other holiday events. 
    ShesSoCold
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    If a rehearsal is even necessary, just ask everyone. 

    FWIW, I was a bridesmaid in a July 5th wedding. The rehearsal was on the 4th. We had a blast- made it a bbq and saw fireworks. 

    I've also been in a wedding where a groomsman or two couldn't make the rehearsal. No biggie; people know how to walk down an aisle. 
    ________________________________


    short+sassycharlotte989875ei34
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