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Want different engagement ring

Fiance and I have been together 9 years, engaged for about 1. He didnt know what kind of ring to get me, (I didnt even know what kind I wanted) so he had me design one myself online and then we picked it up. I wanted to be engaged so I was excited and i never thought to go physically look at rings, and now, well, I am realizing I'm not that crazy about it. He did pay for it, so i feel guilt about that even though we can afford it. I don't know how to approach this. I designed it but I think i just rushed though it because I wanted a ring and to be engaged. Need advice...

Re: Want different engagement ring

  • Fiance and I have been together 9 years, engaged for about 1. He didnt know what kind of ring to get me, (I didnt even know what kind I wanted) so he had me design one myself online and then we picked it up. I wanted to be engaged so I was excited and i never thought to go physically look at rings, and now, well, I am realizing I'm not that crazy about it. He did pay for it, so i feel guilt about that even though we can afford it. I don't know how to approach this. I designed it but I think i just rushed though it because I wanted a ring and to be engaged. Need advice...
    So slow down a bit; first I’d think about what it is you don’t like about your ring? The cut, the setting? I think you need to be more specific (not necessarily here but with yourself) than “not crazy about it”. Once you figure that out you should think about whether it’s truly worth the cost of changing the ring. 

    But from what else you wrote here I would suggest slowing down a bit, if you rushed through the process once make sure you don’t do it again. 

    The other thing to consider is what your wedding rings will look like with your ring? Can you choose WRs that will make you happier about you ER?
  • edited January 14
    I have felt this way for almost a year about it. I haven't looked at wedding rings in person yet. The one I found that I like is more of an art deco style, other than that it is very similar stone andband. I was looking at it prior to getting engaged. 
    Also i do know what I would change or don't like too much about it I just didnt feel like going into that much detail, wasnt sure it was necessary. 
  • I have felt this way for almost a year about it. I haven't looked at wedding rings in person yet. The one I found that I like is more of an art deco style, other than that it is very similar stone andband. I was looking at it prior to getting engaged. 
    Also i do know what I would change or don't like too much about it I just didnt feel like going into that much detail, wasnt sure it was necessary. 
    Can I ask why you kept looking at rings after you already had one? I get that it might not be the perfect ring, but you did design and pick it out, right? There must have been something you liked about it when you picked it initially; try and focus on that. Or if it’s just the setting can you get your diamond reset in the setting and band that you like better?

    How would your FI feel if you told him you wanted something different? And do you have the money to do that? 

    I didnt pick out my engagement ring; there are things I’d change (and may in the future). But it’s not a high priority cost right now. 
  • I wasnt specifically looking for one i was looking at wedding bands and engagement rings were also popping up on the search. 
  • edited January 14

    For reference here is a comparison. Any suggestions welcome. Ignore the size difference of the stone, that's not what I'm focused on.
  • If it were me, I would go out and try on different ring styles because it sounds like you're still not sure what you would like and still haven't seen a style that wowed you.  Other than maybe art deco.

    I think the conversation with your FI would go better if you already have a game plan in mind of what you would prefer.  Or, you might find there isn't anything else you like better enough to even want to change. 

    Hopefully, you like the stone(s).  I'd assume it would be much less costly to just change the setting.

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    charlotte989875
  • I wasnt specifically looking for one i was looking at wedding bands and engagement rings were also popping up on the search. 
    Okay... 

    So what about changing the setting/band? 

    Or what your FI would think if you told him you wanted a new/changed ring? 

    If you really don’t like your ring and you want another then you probably should talk to your FI. My questions were trying to help you think about whether this is something you really need to do, or if it’s something you can be happy with for now and change in the future; or if adding your wedding rings would help alleviate some of these feelings. A new ring is a big purchase and something you would need to discuss with your FI. Is this something you need to do now, or can it wait? Is the expense worth it when you’re planning/paying for a wedding?
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
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    I was in a somewhat similar situation recently, where my H gave me a piece of jewelry that was not my style and I didn't like. I told my H (eventually, it took me a few weeks), that it wasn't my style, and we went back to the jeweler and had it changed to a style I liked. Is that an option? 

    charlotte989875short+sassy
  • "Something no one tells you"...  If you choose to have kids it is entirely possible that your finger size will change.  Mine changed with both kids to the point that I cannot have my original set which I LOVE resized because it would lose all structural integrity because of the size difference (It now fits my pinky finger super tight)...  Thus, I have two "bling rings" (CZ but real metal) that I wear interchangeably now because we're done they're now sized the same.   

    Ultimately, it all is going to come down to a conversation you have with your FI which is going to require a lot of diplomacy but especially a discussion on the budget and I'd venture to say, you pay for the "new" one.  You may also want to check the agreement with the place you used for designing it as they may have a trade-in policy in place that may work to your advantage or upgrade option.  
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