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How much is keeping them worth to you?

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,

I received a pair of ruby earrings this Christmas from my boyfriend. We just broke up, and now he is asking for the earrings back. The problem is that I lost one of them three days after I got them. I was worried about telling him, so I went out and bought the same pair so he wouldn’t notice. I know the original pair were a gift and I am not obligated to give them back (right?). But he is harassing me, and I am worried about what he might do. Should I send him the one earring and tell him what happened? The breakup was not good, and I am afraid of him retaliating or accusing me of doing it on purpose. Or should I send him the pair I bought just to shut him up? Honestly, I don’t want to do either, but I could use some advice.

—Buyer’s Remorse
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Re: How much is keeping them worth to you?

  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Tell him to stop contacting you. Then report him to the police for harassing you if he doesn’t. You don’t owe him the earrings (or anything else). 

    Definitely dont  return the earrings in person. 
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  • CasadenaCasadena member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Yeah, keep the earrings and don't worry about it for one more minute. 
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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    First Answer First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    Nope, don't give him shit and don't respond to him. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    As long as the LW is in the clear about any of her possessions she doesn't have to give them back. 

    It's up to her if that's worth it.    
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    No way should LW return the earrings.  LW hasn't said if she has ever responded to the ex over this issue.  If LW has not, I would answer once, via text only.  "Ex-BF, the earrings were a gift from you to me and I am not obligated to return them.  This will be my final communication to you.  Please do not contact me again."  If Ex keeps up what LW considers harassment.  She should file a RO.
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  • missJeanLouisemissJeanLouise member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Nope. Keep the earrings. I bet that even if LW gave their ex the earrings back he would still find a reason to harass them. 
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    What was Prudie’s response? 

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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    Bottom line, they were a gift and if the LW doesn't want to give them back she doesn't have to.  The main thing is the harassment needs to stop and if that takes a warning followed by a RO (if the warning isn't heeded), then so be it.

    However, if I was personally in this situation, I think I'd probably just give the earrings back.  Make a clean break.  One less thing he can contact me about.  Maybe he has a false sense of feeling "used".  Whatever.  He obviously regrets giving them to me, so he can just have them.

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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    short+sassy said:

    Bottom line, they were a gift and if the LW doesn't want to give them back she doesn't have to.  The main thing is the harassment needs to stop and if that takes a warning followed by a RO (if the warning isn't heeded), then so be it.

    However, if I was personally in this situation, I think I'd probably just give the earrings back.  Make a clean break.  One less thing he can contact me about.  Maybe he has a false sense of feeling "used".  Whatever.  He obviously regrets giving them to me, so he can just have them.

    That's sort of where I am.   If he's that pushy I'd give him back the lone earring I still had, would say I lost the other one and would move on. 

    She's under no obligation to give a full pair back (or even the earrings themselves).   This is just  way to take the super high road so for the future she can say things like, "The d-bag even asked me for the ruby earrings back after he gave them to me for Christmas.   I feel bad for the girl who gets my sloppy seconds."
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    CharmedPam said:
    What was Prudie’s response? 
    You do not have to return gifts you received during the course of a relationship (unless we’re talking Liz Taylor–level jewels or returning an engagement ring if you’re the one calling off the wedding). Gifts we give lovers are not loans dependent upon staying together forever. That said, I wish I had more details about the nature of your breakup and the subsequent harassment because that might change my advice substantially. If these earrings were much more expensive than the kind of gifts you two normally exchanged and you ended things shortly thereafter, then I think it would be gracious to return them, even if you’re not legally required to do so. If he’s making noise about trying to take you to court over the earrings, rest assured that that’s all it is—noise—and that the burden of proving they weren’t a gift will be on him. That’s assuming, however, that he’s just been a garden-variety irritating ex after your breakup. If he’s threatening you or making up outrageous accusations to try to get you in trouble, it’s best to tell him that he needs to stop contacting you, then block his number, tell your friends not to communicate with him about you, and consider filing a police report (and of course don’t worry about returning any gifts he bought you).
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  • mrsmittenmrsmitten member
    Combo Breaker 5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    short+sassy said:
    ShesSoCold said:
    I tried to do this and was accidentally the biggest asshole.

    I'm trying to remember the occasion...maybe Valentine's Day? Maybe we had an anniversary? Anyway, there was some sort of gift-giving occasion while I was with a boyfriend but also starting to lie to him and was seeing H on the side. The boyfriend got me a digital camera. When we broke up officially after that, I gave it back to him.

    Except my dumb ass totally forgot that I'd played around with it with H.
    I gave my ex-boyfriend back the camera he bought me with a picture of the man I cheated on him with on it. 

    I felt like such an asshole. 

    Now I feel like an asshole because I know I should be feeling really bad for your ex-b/f, because that would be so awful.

    But, instead, I can't stop dying of laughter.

    Also an asshole here!


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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    What does he want with these earrings anyway?  It’s not like he’s going to turn around and regift them to a new girl? “Want some used earrings? Oh, also, they’re used and they used to be my ex’s”.

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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    CharmedPam said:
    What does he want with these earrings anyway?  It’s not like he’s going to turn around and regift them to a new girl? “Want some used earrings? Oh, also, they’re used and they used to be my ex’s”.

    Maybe it's still within the 30 day exchange and he can get his money back?

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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    IMO a lot depends on how much the new set cost...  But - that said, even though she's within her rights to keep them, I'd probably give them back just because the energy would be such that I'd never want to wear them again...  OTOH, she could try this thing called honesty and tell him she lost the one...  
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