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Wedding Woes
mrsconn23
member
Your roommate is being awful.
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,
My roommate met someone in an online game about a month ago, and they began to date instantly. For the past two weeks, he has been at our apartment constantly, even when she’s gone for work, often leaving him here alone with me for 10 hours at a time. I think his visits should be two to three days a week max and that he shouldn’t be in the apartment without her. She claims this isn’t a problem, as he “leaves me alone.” While it is true he mostly stays in her room, I just don’t like having a stranger in our apartment so often. My former roommate’s boyfriend sexually assaulted me, and having my current roommate’s boyfriend here so often is giving me anxiety; however, I’m not comfortable sharing this information when my roommate pesters me to explain why I’m uncomfortable. I don’t feel as though I should have to justify myself. Our lease says guests are allowed for two weeks at a time. I brought this up, and she made a comment about how he could leave for a few days and come back for two weeks. Am I wrong for thinking guests shouldn’t be left unattended when you’re sharing your living space? Is there a way to enforce her boyfriend not being here unless she is?
—Roommates Only, Please
My roommate met someone in an online game about a month ago, and they began to date instantly. For the past two weeks, he has been at our apartment constantly, even when she’s gone for work, often leaving him here alone with me for 10 hours at a time. I think his visits should be two to three days a week max and that he shouldn’t be in the apartment without her. She claims this isn’t a problem, as he “leaves me alone.” While it is true he mostly stays in her room, I just don’t like having a stranger in our apartment so often. My former roommate’s boyfriend sexually assaulted me, and having my current roommate’s boyfriend here so often is giving me anxiety; however, I’m not comfortable sharing this information when my roommate pesters me to explain why I’m uncomfortable. I don’t feel as though I should have to justify myself. Our lease says guests are allowed for two weeks at a time. I brought this up, and she made a comment about how he could leave for a few days and come back for two weeks. Am I wrong for thinking guests shouldn’t be left unattended when you’re sharing your living space? Is there a way to enforce her boyfriend not being here unless she is?
—Roommates Only, Please
Re: Your roommate is being awful.
theres no way to enforce it really, you gotta forcefully stand up for yourself!
But honestly - this is why I think some people should not have roommates. It's a pain and it's costly but what can LW do? If roommate won't budge and she can't force this guy out then it may be time for one or both to find new places.
He needs to get out when his GF isn't there, it's really that simple. And she shouldn't have to explain why. Doesn't he live someplace else?! GO HOME.
I don't understand how roommate thinks this is reasonable or that LW should have to justify not wanting a stranger in their home for hours on end. Sounds like it's time for a new roommate, and a conversation about reasonable ground rules at the outset.
Like @banana468 I wonder if LW can legally enforce it, especially with the “guests can stay for two weeks” rule. Maybe if the roommate is a jerk about it, LW can write about it to mgmt and ask for a more clear definition of guest. Mgmt would probably consider the bf a third roommate if he stays for two weeks, leaves for a day, does another two weeks, etc. Just a thought.
The LW needs to have another CTJ talk with the roommate and be firm with what is/isn't allowed with overnight guests. If they're on a month-to-month lease, this would hold more weight because the LW could threaten to give a 30-day notice and move out, if the problem isn't solved.
But legally? I don't think the LW has any cause to call the cops. The b/f is a guest of someone who lives there. Ergo, he isn't trespassing.
The LW could contact the landlord (LL). But the 2-week thing is a lease protection for the LL, not the tenants. And the LL can choose to not enforce it, if they wish. Especially since it sounds like the language they used in the lease is sloppy. For example, my leases include a clause that my tenants cannot have a guest in their unit for more than 7 consecutive days within a 30-day period.
But to follow that along for anyone interested. The LL, if they chose, could post a 30-Day Cure or Quit Notice (number of days may vary by region). With words to the effect that the tenants need to stop having overnight guests for more than 14 days in a row or they are going to be evicted. And there's the rub. BOTH the LW and her roommate would be evicted if the violation continued, if it went that far, because they are both on the lease.
With all that said, the best the LW can hope for is (maybe) the LL will call the roommate and remind them that guests are not allowed to be there for X period of time. It's fairly unusual for a LL to go to all the trouble of an eviction for extra people living there. For one, it's hard to prove there are unauthorized people living in a unit. The LL is usually more likely to either live with it, non-renew a lease, or give a 30-Day Notice to Vacate (when a month-to-month).
I'm truly sympathetic to LW. It's shitty what this guy is doing. But if she has no real recourse then this may be a life lesson.
The LW mentioned that the roommate does not know about her previous sexual assault and it isn't something she wants to share with her. But I hear you, it would be even more outrageous if the roommate knew. It's outrageous enough the roommate isn't respecting the LW's reasonable wishes.