Wedding Reception Forum

Brother and Sister Dance

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Re: Brother and Sister Dance

  • edited February 2019
    I would love to stay out of this, but both my parents have dragged all three of their children into this. My father is technically my step-father, but I have always considered him my father. He has cheated on my mother before, but that was 22 years ago and then he was texting some other woman last year. My parents renewed their vows last year after my mother found out he was inappropriately texting that woman. Now he turns around and gets involved again with someone else. He has always started bashing our mother to us. He is telling my sister that we are just spoiled children he was forced to work himself to death for so he could support us. Then he is telling my mother how he is leaving this woman because he wants another baby which was a slap in my mother's face because 10 years ago she had to have a hysterectomy because she had to have cancer and at that point my parents were trying to have another baby. My father was also an emotionally abusive alcoholic going up and he is the very reason I have never drank. I have lost all respect for him.  
    Okay, so, last week, none of the bolded mattered to you. Remember that. 

    You're gunna do what you want and I know you're gunna act like all of this is out of your control, but don't engage. Don't let your parents shit talk each other to you. Tell your siblings that you're not willing to listen to whatever is being said to them.

    You should have learned by now that the "Well I heard from X who talked to Y who said that Z said this about A" doesn't work and causes a mess. This goes for both inviting spouses to weddings to family drama. 

    I know you are involved as these are your parents, but this isn't your marriage. You need to distance yourself from this. 

    ETA:  I wanted to say again that I’m sorry this is happening. I honestly can’t imagine what you might be feeling and I’d probably be wanting to write him off too. But as an uninvolved third party, I can look at it practically and urge you not to make rash decisions about your wedding. This is a (hopefully) once in a lifetime opportunity for a father. 

    I also want to kinda high five you for coming back. We haven’t been exactly friendly and you haven’t flipped out a whole lot or deleted posts and ranted about how bad you feel for our husbands. 
    Trust me I am the least one of the three children involved. My sister and brother showed up to the mistress's house last weekend to confront her. I guess I will see how all of this plays out. In the meantime, I will continue helping with the bridal shower for my brother's fiance and any other things she needs help with for her wedding in April.  

    I came back because I knew you guys would give me any opinion even if it isn't always the nicest. 
  • I would love to stay out of this, but both my parents have dragged all three of their children into this. My father is technically my step-father, but I have always considered him my father. He has cheated on my mother before, but that was 22 years ago and then he was texting some other woman last year. My parents renewed their vows last year after my mother found out he was inappropriately texting that woman. Now he turns around and gets involved again with someone else. He has always started bashing our mother to us. He is telling my sister that we are just spoiled children he was forced to work himself to death for so he could support us. Then he is telling my mother how he is leaving this woman because he wants another baby which was a slap in my mother's face because 10 years ago she had to have a hysterectomy because she had to have cancer and at that point my parents were trying to have another baby. My father was also an emotionally abusive alcoholic going up and he is the very reason I have never drank. I have lost all respect for him.  
    Okay, so, last week, none of the bolded mattered to you. Remember that. 

    You're gunna do what you want and I know you're gunna act like all of this is out of your control, but don't engage. Don't let your parents shit talk each other to you. Tell your siblings that you're not willing to listen to whatever is being said to them.

    You should have learned by now that the "Well I heard from X who talked to Y who said that Z said this about A" doesn't work and causes a mess. This goes for both inviting spouses to weddings to family drama. 

    I know you are involved as these are your parents, but this isn't your marriage. You need to distance yourself from this. 

    ETA:  I wanted to say again that I’m sorry this is happening. I honestly can’t imagine what you might be feeling and I’d probably be wanting to write him off too. But as an uninvolved third party, I can look at it practically and urge you not to make rash decisions about your wedding. This is a (hopefully) once in a lifetime opportunity for a father. 

    I also want to kinda high five you for coming back. We haven’t been exactly friendly and you haven’t flipped out a whole lot or deleted posts and ranted about how bad you feel for our husbands. 
    Trust me I am the least one of the three children involved. My sister and brother showed up to the mistress's house last weekend to confront her. I guess I will see how all of this plays out. In the meantime, I will continue helping with the bridal shower for my brother's fiance and any other things she needs help with for her wedding in April.  

    I came back because I knew you guys would give me any opinion even if it isn't always the nicest. 
    I would just strongly advise to letting adults fighting their own battles.   If no one is in harm's way and this is a personal matter don't offer opinions where they aren't requested.

    Remember, it takes two to tango.   Your sister and brother get no brownie points for showing up to a mistress' home to confront her when your dad is an equal participant and neither of them did anything to you or your siblings. 

    At this point, help others, offer to listen but I'd be careful to not share opinions or some day they may not go to you to talk.  If your mom and dad ever reconcile she may not talk to you or your siblings if she thinks you may shame her. 
    MesmrEwe
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