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Wedding Woes

Friday

We've made it.  This week has felt like a year. 

DefConn is still home today because while he's feeling somewhat better, his tonsils still look nasty.  I called the doc and left a message, because I'm concerned about the left one.  I will not go into gory details, but it's so gross. 

I have no idea what we're doing this weekend.  We don't have any plans and I am OK with that.  I'm just hoping I can get some rest.  My anxiety has been high this week for a lot of reasons and I'm just not feeling like myself.  And I hate it.  At least my next counseling appt. is Monday.  

What are you up to this weekend? 
kvruns

Re: Friday

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    mod
    Aw, I hope both you and DefConn feel better! 

    Ya know the ugly fence ring of my mom's that I've been wearing since she died? The bottom (shank?) is super thin and last night I noticed a crack. I'm really upset about it and I really hope they can fix it. I love that thing. My finger is naked and there's a little indent where it should be. :( 

    We got the notched floor joists fixed last night and H is going to work on some electrical tonight and tomorrow. We also have four painters and 2 tilers coming to give us quotes between today and tomorrow, so hopefully one will be reasonable. 

    H and I are going to the auto show Sunday. We planned to go hoping that the new Bronco would be there, but nope. We're going anyway; H hasn't been since he was a kid. So that should be fun. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    short+sassyOliveOilsMomcharlotte989875
  • Healthy vibes to Defconn and you @mrsconn23! Oh no @ShesSoCold I hope your mom’s ring can be fixed...did you bring it to a good jeweler?

    Normal day at work so far, uneventful weekend save for my niece’s 2nd bday party.  Sesame Street theme.  My kids are pumped :)
    short+sassyOliveOilsMomcharlotte989875
  • I hope you both start to feel better Mrsconn!

    Enjoy the auto show SSC and hopefully you get some decent quotes for your house work :)

    I need to thoroughly clean my car tonight bc H made me a car appointment for some things at the dealer tomorrow.  During the appointment we want to test drive a couple cars and maybe see what they would give us for a trade-in.  Neither of us have ever bought from/negotiated with a dealer so it should be interesting. 

    Other than that we're probably just cleaning the house and working on organizing a couple of the rooms that have become dumping grounds for all the things since we moved in last May. 

    Work has been crazy busy this week (in a good way) but i'm still super ready for the weekend.

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    SSC - I hope your mom's ring can be fixed. 

    Not much planned for this weekend.  Probably just some work around the house.  Heading to Wegmans at lunch for a small amount of things.  Around Valentine's day each year they have Chocolate Cherry bread and its soooooo good!  Last year, I missed out on it because we were house poor that month, so I really hope to find it since we have a little extra cash right now! LOL!

    I am also making Pad Thai in the Instant Pot tonight, so I'm also looking forward to that!

  • @Casadena, definitely do some online research on negotiating with car dealers.  The industry is rife with shenanigans.  They also love, love, love to talk about the car in terms of only the monthly payment cost instead of the total cost.  Sadly, a lot of people respond to that like, "Woo-hoo!  I can have the car I want for $300/month.  Who cares how much it really costs or how long my loan term is." 

    FYI, as a ballpark, dealerships can usually knock 12% off the MSRP, though you'll typically need to fight for that much.  And all dealerships aren't the same.  If Chevy/Toyota/whoever Dealership A won't give you the price you want for the car you've chosen, Dealership B in the next town over might.

    Also, look up the Blue Book wholesale value of the car you are thinking about trading in.  That's basically the same price that a dealership would expect to pay for a car at auction.  You should get at least that and should be able to negotiate for more.  In my experience, trade-ins are where dealerships are the scammiest.  One time I tried it, the wholesale value was $5K and the dealership offered me $1K, smh.

    Also, if you get to a negotiating point, make sure the new car price negotiation is SEPARATE from the trade-in negotiation.  This is also where dealerships will again get squirrelly and try to trick people with the "broad picture", instead of the details.  Like, "Oh yeah!  We can get you into that (car you love).  And, with your trade-in, the payment is only $300/month!"  Always, always trying to avoid saying the actual price of the car and the actual price of the trade-in ;).

    "Monthly payment" is a huge pet peeve of mine.  It's one of the first questions they ask.  Me personally, I refuse to answer it and set the tone of my visit with, "I'm not concerned about the monthly payment.  I'm concerned with getting the best value for a car I want."  Yet, this is still the conversation for every car I show interest in:

    Dealer: "...and the monthly payment will only be approximately $300/month."

    Me:  "Like I said, I don't care about the monthly payment, what's the total price of the car?"

    For the first car, it's a "reminder".  For the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and so on...it's flat-out patronizing.  And yet another reason car dealers get such a bad reputation.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    charlotte989875eileenrobCasadenaOliveOilsMom
  • @ShesSoCold, good luck with the ring!

    I am taking it easy today and this weekend!  I have been so exhausted.  Other than a bank run, I don't have any other errands I need to do.  I planned it that way!  In fact, Fridays are my half-day.  I'm already looking forward to an afternoon nap, lol.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Healthy vibes for the Conn household!
    @ShesSoCold - hoping a jeweler will be able to fix your mom's ring

    I'm WFH today and being more productive than last week.  I've never been able to WFH in my other positions and It's taken a couple of tries to get into the swing of things.  I've found the key for me is to bring my ear buds home and they seem to keep me from being easily distracted.  I do need to take a break to go out and clean off DH's car and move it so the snow plow can clear the spot this afternoon. 

    No plans for the weekend here.  It's below zero today but supposed to warm up this weekend.  Sunday I'll do church and some errands.  I also need to come up with some birthday gift ideas to give to DH.  
    image
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    Good vibes for Defconn!

    I hope your mom’s ring can be fixed @ShesSoCold

    Ditto oliveoil on the car buying tips. I feel like dealerships can be bullies and you kind of have to bully them back. Including being willing to walk away from something you might actually want. 

    I am going to tea with my mom today. I hope she can relax and enjoy it. I was originally intending to work out this morning before getting ready but sleep won and I’ll go later tonight instead. I have work tomorrow and then Sunday I plan on studying and doing homework. FI is doing CERT training this weekend so I won’t see much of him. I hope everyone has a good weekend! 


    image
    charlotte989875short+sassy
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
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    DS2 is coming home tonight so that he and H can go to the Pacers' game tomorrow. I'm wishing I was back in Florida with my girlfriends! It is freezing here! We had a great trip. I got home Tuesday. Since then I've been trying to catch up on stuff at home.

     Both of our sons' checking accounts were hacked via Venmo over the weekend. One of them was emptied and the other had most of the money withdrawn. The bank is disputing the withdrawals so they should be getting their money back but in the interim it is just a pain in the ass. They had to freeze their accounts and open new ones. My name is on both of their accounts (because they were opened when they were in high school) so I get alerts on activity. I hadn't had my name removed because we are never in the same town when banks are open. DS1 had alerts set up but DS2 didn't. Luckily I saw the alerts early in the morning and texted them so they could contact the bank. Technology is great except when it isn't.

    Hope the Conn house feels better soon! A jeweler should be able to fix your mom's ring @ShesSoCold!
    charlotte989875kvruns
  • 6fsn6fsn
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
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    Poor conn house. Hope the ring can be fixed shessocold


    2 futsal gAmes Saturday. Church Sunday. I’m thinking it might be a good weekend for my favorite German restaurant and the art museum. 
    short+sassy
  • @ILoveBeachMusic, OMG, that's horrible!!!!  At least the problem was caught quickly and the bank will be handling getting the money back.  But it's really upsetting to have happen and definitely a PITA.

    I've had that happen to a credit card, on occasion.  But never one of my bank accounts.  That would be a lot worse.

    Though I did have a super weird thing occur on an account I rarely used.  Someone used the debit card information...and even used it locally at a gas station.  Except they didn't have the actual card.  I had it.  And I had never used it at that gas station.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • @Casadena, definitely do some online research on negotiating with car dealers.  The industry is rife with shenanigans.  They also love, love, love to talk about the car in terms of only the monthly payment cost instead of the total cost.  Sadly, a lot of people respond to that like, "Woo-hoo!  I can have the car I want for $300/month.  Who cares how much it really costs or how long my loan term is." 

    FYI, as a ballpark, dealerships can usually knock 12% off the MSRP, though you'll typically need to fight for that much.  And all dealerships aren't the same.  If Chevy/Toyota/whoever Dealership A won't give you the price you want for the car you've chosen, Dealership B in the next town over might.

    Also, look up the Blue Book wholesale value of the car you are thinking about trading in.  That's basically the same price that a dealership would expect to pay for a car at auction.  You should get at least that and should be able to negotiate for more.  In my experience, trade-ins are where dealerships are the scammiest.  One time I tried it, the wholesale value was $5K and the dealership offered me $1K, smh.

    Also, if you get to a negotiating point, make sure the new car price negotiation is SEPARATE from the trade-in negotiation.  This is also where dealerships will again get squirrelly and try to trick people with the "broad picture", instead of the details.  Like, "Oh yeah!  We can get you into that (car you love).  And, with your trade-in, the payment is only $300/month!"  Always, always trying to avoid saying the actual price of the car and the actual price of the trade-in ;).

    "Monthly payment" is a huge pet peeve of mine.  It's one of the first questions they ask.  Me personally, I refuse to answer it and set the tone of my visit with, "I'm not concerned about the monthly payment.  I'm concerned with getting the best value for a car I want."  Yet, this is still the conversation for every car I show interest in:

    Dealer: "...and the monthly payment will only be approximately $300/month."

    Me:  "Like I said, I don't care about the monthly payment, what's the total price of the car?"

    For the first car, it's a "reminder".  For the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and so on...it's flat-out patronizing.  And yet another reason car dealers get such a bad reputation.

    Thank you, this is super helpful!!!  We have an idea of what we want and what my car should be worth from KBB.  I definitely don't have a problem walking away or shopping around, but it's good to know what to expect in terms of language!
  • Legit nothing exciting today. Working then home. Maybe pizza? 
  • Agreed on total price of the car.  The person I was talking to kept talking about my payment and I kept harping on total price of the vehicle and my  monthly payment.  I walked out with a bit higher payment that I wanted, but I was able to get my vehicle for the price it is blue booked at.  It was still a year old Subaru, so it was pricey for me, but it's worth it.  At one point I was annoyed enough to tell the man, "Maybe you don't think I can do math, but I can and I'm not paying that much, for that long, for this total, and that interest."  I got mostly what i wanted (my loan length is a bit longer than I would've liked, but I've made enough extra that it's knocked it down to where I wanted).  ALSO, something I noticed that irritated the hell out of my is my finance company, when I pay extra, has to be emailed to be told to take the extra and put in on principal...not as something to be taken off next month's payment.  :/

    This weekend is going to be a bunch of cleaning the apartment and not much else.  Honestly, I love our space, but it's too damn big for just 2 people to upkeep.  K is out of town for to judge a pageant and then works Saturday night.  We're hosting some sort of craft party Sunday for roller derby.
    short+sassy
  • Yikes @ILoveBeachMusic that's scary. I have all of mine tied only to credit cards and not a debit card/back account except one is tied to a joint account that we use mostly for daycare so it doesn't have a lot of $$ in it. 
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    mod
    Today in Wyoming, a state highway was closed for several hours because they were herding wild bison. I want to live in a place where this kind of thing happens. 

    That IS scary, ILBM! Glad the banks are taking care of it but MAN! Bank account hacks are one of my biggest fears! 

    Also agree on car pricing and the just plain old bullshit shitshow that is car dealerships. When H and I bought his truck, it was advertised for way less than they wanted to sell it to us for. The price they advertised it for included like 10 rebates that only applied to certain people, like GM employees, military, unicorns, I don't even know. After like 4 hours of back and forth and them not being willing to budge, we left. The next day we called to see if they'd compromise and nope. So I told them to expect a call from the Chevy dealer across town. Why, you ask? "Because they have confirmed with me that they will match competitors' advertised prices, so they'll buy the truck from you to sell to me." Shockingly, they then came down on the price. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    OliveOilsMomshort+sassy
  • YES on the car buying.

    Car dealers are also banks.   They have an interest in not only selling you the car but also getting you a financial deal THROUGH them.   

    Also, this is among the reasons that car dealerships hate the Tesla business model.   It has ZERO to do with the car type and everything to do with how it changes how they do business and make money.  


    Casadena
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    The other thing to watch out for with car dealerships not yet mentioned, is the wonderful "Dealer Preparation Fee", which can be a few thousand!  Its all the work the dealer did to prep the car for sale - like potentially new tires, brakes, but also the detailing.

    We bought a Nissan Leaf in 2017, we had been looking/researching them for months and was finally ready to purchase.  So we head to a dealership that had 2 of them used.  The price on the internet matched the price on each of them in the lot, so we knew what to expect when they gave us the "monthly price" BS.  For a 5 year loan, with a few thousand trade-in/down payment and no sales tax (exempt for being fully electric in NJ), our loan should have been around $110 per month.  Their first offer was $210!  We laughed in their face!

    So when the guy asked me what we thought we should pay, I said around $105 per month.  He wanted to know where I got that number from and I said by using the calculator on their own website!  He didn't believe me - at all!  So he pulled it up their website and put in the cost of the car on the website, my estimated trade-in/down payment and 0% sales tax.  He got the number I had told him and he was very silent for a minute, then said he would go talk to his boss! 

    The one price factor that put us so far apart on price - was the Dealer Preparation Fee!  It was over $2k!  We were sitting next to the $90k Nissan sports car at the time.  When we said we never expect the $2k for the dealer fee, he pointed at that car and said it would have a $5k dealer prep fee.  So my response was that if I was considering buying a $90k car, the $5k isn't really a big deal to me.  But a $2k fee on a car listed for just under $10k?  Yeah - that's a big deal.  In the end they took off that fee completely.

    We did end up paying more per month than we anticipated, but we were also prepared to pay that much too.  Our biggest difference was that our interest rate was higher and the dealership required us to pay the sales tax up front (instead of them filling out a 1 page form to send to the state - eye roll!)  We were able to get our sales tax refunded quickly sending in a few forms and copies of the sales invoice to the state.  They had worked the sales tax into the loan, but looking back, in our situation, we probably should have just paid that out of pocket.  Though when we got the check from the state, we paid that same amount to the loan principal.

  • banana468 said:
    YES on the car buying.

    Car dealers are also banks.   They have an interest in not only selling you the car but also getting you a financial deal THROUGH them.   

    Also, this is among the reasons that car dealerships hate the Tesla business model.   It has ZERO to do with the car type and everything to do with how it changes how they do business and make money.  


    This is another good point.  It's too late for this weekend.  But, if you don't bite on something @Casadena, you're better off speaking to a few banks ahead of time and have your financing lined up.

    When dealerships secure financing, they'll only shop it out to themselves and/or big banks.  But you can often get a better finance deal looking around.  Credit unions and smaller local banks can often do better.

    It's okay if you don't know exactly what you're buying yet.  Just have an idea of the max. amount you want to pay for a car and then have a bank pre-approve you for that amount.  They can often do that over the phone, though they will run your credit and you'll need to fax/e-mail stuff like your paycheck stubs/bank statements/etc.  I'm trying to remember how it worked from there the last time I did it.  I know I gave the dealership my bank's info for the approval.  But I can't remember if I signed the final loan documents from my bank at the dealership or if I had to go to the bank later.  But, either way, there are no surprises.  Other than the bank can't give you the exact amount of the loan payment, until you've bought the car so they know the exact loan amount.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • banana468 said:
    YES on the car buying.

    Car dealers are also banks.   They have an interest in not only selling you the car but also getting you a financial deal THROUGH them.   

    Also, this is among the reasons that car dealerships hate the Tesla business model.   It has ZERO to do with the car type and everything to do with how it changes how they do business and make money.  


    This is another good point.  It's too late for this weekend.  But, if you don't bite on something @Casadena, you're better off speaking to a few banks ahead of time and have your financing lined up.

    When dealerships secure financing, they'll only shop it out to themselves and/or big banks.  But you can often get a better finance deal looking around.  Credit unions and smaller local banks can often do better.

    It's okay if you don't know exactly what you're buying yet.  Just have an idea of the max. amount you want to pay for a car and then have a bank pre-approve you for that amount.  They can often do that over the phone, though they will run your credit and you'll need to fax/e-mail stuff like your paycheck stubs/bank statements/etc.  I'm trying to remember how it worked from there the last time I did it.  I know I gave the dealership my bank's info for the approval.  But I can't remember if I signed the final loan documents from my bank at the dealership or if I had to go to the bank later.  But, either way, there are no surprises.  Other than the bank can't give you the exact amount of the loan payment, until you've bought the car so they know the exact loan amount.

    A note on the bank thing too; banks will give dealers who are clients a lower interest rate and the dealer will keep the difference in the interest rate that the bank offers and the dealer offers; so the dealer has a strong incentive to have you finance through them, even if it’s actually with a bank. You’re better off going to thank bank dircetly. 
  • FWIW, there are TONS of credit unions out there that can work for you.   Because DH works for a government contractor that are two we can use in addition to local credit unions.   

    Those are MUCH MUCH BETTER than going through the GMC Financing that you'll see somewhere else.   

    there are good salesmen out there but my recent experience 5 years ago when we bought our van was that they acted like they were doing me a favor.   The manager at the dealership was sleazy, acted like adding the certification to the car was a bonus and we walked away from the deal twice.   We also paid in cash.   It was money to them but they didn't receive any benefit of additional financing.  
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
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    We actually got a lower (none, actually) interest rate through the dealer. We'd called our local bank and gotten pre-approved for aforementioned truck and they gave us an interest rate of like 2.something. We got zero percent with GM's bank. 

    So, worth it to look at all options!
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    charlotte989875
  • You are guys are so helpful - thank you for all the information!!!!
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    kvruns said:
    Yikes @ILoveBeachMusic that's scary. I have all of mine tied only to credit cards and not a debit card/back account except one is tied to a joint account that we use mostly for daycare so it doesn't have a lot of $$ in it. 
    They've never used Venmo, someone hacked into something and got into their bank accounts then made a venmo withdrawal! The bank told DS2 that whoever did somehow got his account number and routing number. He has no idea how. DS2 says he only uses credit cards too so who knows how they did it!

    I don't use my debit card but I have alerts set up just in case it is used so I know there is any activity.
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    kvruns said:
    Yikes @ILoveBeachMusic that's scary. I have all of mine tied only to credit cards and not a debit card/back account except one is tied to a joint account that we use mostly for daycare so it doesn't have a lot of $$ in it. 
    They've never used Venmo, someone hacked into something and got into their bank accounts then made a venmo withdrawal! The bank told DS2 that whoever did somehow got his account number and routing number. He has no idea how. DS2 says he only uses credit cards too so who knows how they did it!

    I don't use my debit card but I have alerts set up just in case it is used so I know there is any activity.

    I would contact and alert your bank just in case too.  You are the common denominator in this.  You were the co-signor for both accounts, so you may have been the one hacked!
    charlotte989875OurWildKingdomeileenrob
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    kvruns said:
    Yikes @ILoveBeachMusic that's scary. I have all of mine tied only to credit cards and not a debit card/back account except one is tied to a joint account that we use mostly for daycare so it doesn't have a lot of $$ in it. 
    They've never used Venmo, someone hacked into something and got into their bank accounts then made a venmo withdrawal! The bank told DS2 that whoever did somehow got his account number and routing number. He has no idea how. DS2 says he only uses credit cards too so who knows how they did it!

    I don't use my debit card but I have alerts set up just in case it is used so I know there is any activity.

    I would contact and alert your bank just in case too.  You are the common denominator in this.  You were the co-signor for both accounts, so you may have been the one hacked!
    Oh we have! It is the same bank. They have been very helpful to both us and our sons. Our account has had no suspicious activity. I also have every alert set that can be set- for small amounts. 
    charlotte989875eileenrobOliveOilsMom
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
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    Yikes, @ILoveBeachMusic! I hope everything gets sorted out quickly.

    @ShesSoCold, I hope the jeweler can fix the ring!

    This week has lasted forever. So glad it’s Friday. My plan for tomorrow is to sleep in and do the shopping, then come home and tackle upstairs. Downstairs is my Sunday project. DW gets back late Sunday afternoon, so my goal is to be mostly finished with everything by the time she gets back. Housemate still hasn’t come to pick up her stuff, so there are a few things I can’t do till she does, but I should be able to do everything else.
  • @ILoveBeachMusic oh wow that is even worse! Probably 7 years ago someone hacked into my bank account and set up automatic withdrawals to a different account. Luckily they didn't change the email address for notifications so I got an email saying my transfer was approved and that alerted me to cancel all transactions and have the bank stop. It was an ordeal for sure though
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