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Wedding Woes

Advice for the newly engaged

OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
So @MesmrEwe asked what advice I would give to brides-to-be. Here goes.

I’ve been here since February 2016. After two postponements and some struggles individually and as a couple, we finally got married in August 2018. 

Something I wish we had done the first two times was sit down together and talk about what we wanted our wedding to look like. DW initially let me get a little carried away with planning, because it was my first time getting married. 

Something I’m glad we did was go to counseling together. After our first postponement, we went for six months; after our second, we went for about eight or nine. We were able to go for free because DW is a veteran, but even if you have to pay, it’s well worth every penny.

Besides couples counseling, we both did individual counseling. It’s not for everyone, but it helped both of us.

Another thing that helped is that DW has a pretty strong social network. I had to spend some time working on mine; I was making work and DW my whole life, and I had to pay more attention to my friendships and family relationships and take on some projects that are important to me. It’s key to be happy as individuals before you take on the world as a married couple.

One more thing: what matters most about your wedding is that the two of you are getting married. I’ve been to dozens of weddings in my life (big family), and I had some high expectations for what my wedding would look like. I didn’t honor DW’s wishes for something small and simple the first two times. This time, I let go of my expectations and remembered that the wedding was supposed to be about us, not just me. We ended up having a small, simple wedding in our backyard and going to a nice restaurant for dinner. My only regret was that we didn’t do it that way a lot sooner.

Even though I’m an agnostic, every day I pray what I call my “help, thanks, and wow” prayers. Every day, my “wow” is that I found someone amazing and we made it this far together.

Re: Advice for the newly engaged

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I think the counseling bit is the best advice given! I know a lot of churches require counseling but I don't know if that even does the job - I'm sure it depends on the church. H and I have been married almost 36 years. We had 3 pre-marital counseling sessions with our minister. I wish we had had more in depth counseling but it just wasn't done back then.
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited February 12
    Some more light-hearted advice:

    1. Get your hair cut first, THEN color it.
    2. If you decide to do a Pinterest project and it’s something you haven’t done before, test-drive it some time before the wedding. I had a major Pinterest fail during our chalice ceremony. (Details on DIY board.)
    3. Getting ready snacks should involve as little mess as possible. No dips, no utensils, nothing that can stain. We had some cute little mini-quiches and pigs in a blanket that I found at our local restaurant supply store, flavored popcorn, pretzels, cheese and crackers, and lots of still and sparkling water.
    4. You never know where you might find good vendors. I found our seamstress on Yelp and our photographer on Craigslist.
    5. Relax. A wedding is one day, a marriage is a lifetime.
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