asked what advice I would give to brides-to-be. Here goes.
I’ve been here since February 2016. After two postponements and some struggles individually and as a couple, we finally got married in August 2018.
Something I wish we had done the first two times was sit down together and talk about what we wanted our wedding to look like. DW initially let me get a little carried away with planning, because it was my first time getting married.
Something I’m glad we did was go to counseling together. After our first postponement, we went for six months; after our second, we went for about eight or nine. We were able to go for free because DW is a veteran, but even if you have to pay, it’s well worth every penny.
Besides couples counseling, we both did individual counseling. It’s not for everyone, but it helped both of us.
Another thing that helped is that DW has a pretty strong social network. I had to spend some time working on mine; I was making work and DW my whole life, and I had to pay more attention to my friendships and family relationships and take on some projects that are important to me. It’s key to be happy as individuals before you take on the world as a married couple.
One more thing: what matters most about your wedding is that the two of you are getting married. I’ve been to dozens of weddings in my life (big family), and I had some high expectations for what my wedding would look like. I didn’t honor DW’s wishes for something small and simple the first two times. This time, I let go of my expectations and remembered that the wedding was supposed to be about us, not just me. We ended up having a small, simple wedding in our backyard and going to a nice restaurant for dinner. My only regret was that we didn’t do it that way a lot sooner.
Even though I’m an agnostic, every day I pray what I call my “help, thanks, and wow” prayers. Every day, my “wow” is that I found someone amazing and we made it this far together.