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Wedding 911

Reception Introductions and Walking Down the Aisle

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Re: Reception Introductions and Walking Down the Aisle

  • So, a week ago your only problem with having a SPOTLIGHT FUCKING DANCE for stepmom and her stepson was that his wife wouldn't be dancing. No mention at all about how FFIL might feel about it. And now this guy can't even walk her down the aisle because it would make him sad?

    Your drama is getting less and less believable. 
    She announced her plans to have her former stepson walk her down the aisle on Saturday so I did not know when I posted about the spotlight dance that this is what she was thinking. 
    But your issue with the aisle is that everyone - including FFIL - would see her with him, correct? The problem is that FFIL will be upset seeing his ex-wife and his son, all on display for all to see, right? How is a spotlight dance any different from this?

    You need to start writing shit down if you're going to keep coming here with this drama because you're not making and damn sense anymore. Hell, even if it's true, with the amount of "this person hates X person and Y person won't speak to Z's brother", I'd need notes to keep it all straight. 
    The spotlight dance is not any different. We don't think she needs to show off her relationship with her former stepson whether it is by having a spotlight dance, having him walk her down the aisle, or having him walk into the reception with him. Frankly, the wedding isn't about her or the son. It is about my fiance and I. She had made a lot of this about her. Even after she bought her dress for our wedding, she made a Facebook post about how she needs to look good for her special day. My fiance kindly reminded her that our wedding isn't her special day. 

    Hell, I don't care if either of our families are introduced during the reception. Personally, I feel if we do acknowledge them it should be a simple announcement from the DJ where briefly mentions our parents. It does not have to be some big grand entrance like my MIL wants. She didn't even bother to ask us if we were having the parents introduced at the representation she just told us that's what she wants. 
    Since like half of each of your families either hate everyone or aren't even invited, I'd say the bolded is the best way to go. 

    And that was exactly my point; that the dance isn't any different. I just found it odd that you didn't seem to care that FFIL would see them dancing but you do care that he will see them walking. Try to keep up with your own nonsense. 
    All this wedding drama is annoying the hell out of me. I told my fiance he can deal with his mother because she isn't my problem to deal with. She doesn't like our decisions I don't know what to tell her because this is our wedding not hers. 
  • edited February 13
    MobKaz said:

    https://youtu.be/Gi1JF-abCSk 

    So......initially you were not inviting any children except those in the wedding party, UNTIL your next post when you asked about how to write invitations for your single parent friends AND their children.  You then asked how to invite your cousin but NOT her new husband because you hadn't met her new husband.  You want your mom at your wedding but NOT her father/your grandfather.

    Your sister dared to get a tattoo and complained about shoes.  No one in either family is capable of dressing themselves, or shopping alone.  You purchased a dress but claim a "bait and switch".  Your MOH dropped out because you could not believe she told your mother you were raped.

    You want your grandfather to walk you down the aisle because you refuse to let your father fulfill that role but you want to dance with your brother in the spotlight dance.  


    SO...……..Are children beyond the flower girls and ring bearer invited?
    Is the husband of your cousin invited?
    Did you get your FSIL a shower gift?
    Did you sue the wedding boutique and get your money back?
    Is your sister in or out of the wedding party?
    Is your MOH in or out of the wedding party?
    Did your brother and sister confront the mistress?
    Are you sure a "surprise" spotlight dance with this stepson is safer than a 10 second walk up an aisle?

    A soap opera may leave viewers dangle a bit, but the answers always come.  I need answers!!  I need a resolution!!


    The only children invited to the wedding are the flower girls and ring bearer. My cousin's husband was invited, but she told us he isn't coming. I didn't get my FSIL a gift since I spent a ton of money and time on her bridal shower. I work for a law firm and an attorney is currently reviewing all of the information about potentially suing the bridal salon. My sister is in the wedding, but MOH is out of my wedding and my life. My brother and sister did confront the mistress. I don't want a spotlight dance. 
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This really doesn't make any sense. Your MIL wanted to dance with her stepson in a spotlight dance, and that was no problem with your FIL. But now, she can't walk down the aisle with him, because it will upset your FIL. Do you really not get how this makes zero sense!? 

    MyNameIsNot
  • This really doesn't make any sense. Your MIL wanted to dance with her stepson in a spotlight dance, and that was no problem with your FIL. But now, she can't walk down the aisle with him, because it will upset your FIL. Do you really not get how this makes zero sense!? 
    My FIL did not know she wants to do a stoplight dance. My fiance and I are against both because of my FIL. 
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This really doesn't make any sense. Your MIL wanted to dance with her stepson in a spotlight dance, and that was no problem with your FIL. But now, she can't walk down the aisle with him, because it will upset your FIL. Do you really not get how this makes zero sense!? 
    My FIL did not know she wants to do a stoplight dance. My fiance and I are against both because of my FIL. 
    My point is this - you were not concerned at all about your MIL doing a spotlight dance with her stepson. But now you're concerned about them walking down the aisle together!? 

    This is what you posted in your OP: So we are afraid it would cause a lot of anger and hurt if we were to do this.

    Nothing about your FIL knowing, only that you were concerned it will cause anger. And as another refresher, this is what you posted about the military dance:

    My MIL asked my fiance and I do dance where she can dance with her stepson since she didn't get to do the mother and son dance with him at his wedding. He is in the military so she phrased it that it could be like an honor dance for military members. She said my fiance could dance with his aunt who is a retired vet. But the only person in my family that was in the military is my great uncle and he might not even attend so I would have no one to dance with. Even if my great uncle can attend, he is very shy and likely wouldn't want to dance. My fiance also thinks his brother's wife would feel left out because her husband would be dancing with my MIL. I have no problem honoring the military, but if choose to do that I think the veterans should be able to pick who they dance with instead of us telling them. What do you guys think? 

    I agree that spotlight dances can be very boring for our guests. We already doing our first dance then transitioning immediately into another slow song which we invite our bridal party and their dates to join us. We are also doing mother/son dance and father/daughter dance. I would have liked to do a dance for our parents, but his parents are divorced so we decided not to do that. I am having my parents' wedding song played because I decided to have that song played because they eloped so they never actually got a first dance. However, it wouldn't be a stoplight dance. Everyone could dance to it. I just want to honor them by having it played plus I think it is a beautiful song.  

    SO. Less than a month ago, there was ZERO concern about MIL and stepson and how FIL would feel. And now it's an issue for them to even WALK together?!?! 

    MyNameIsNot
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Also, don't even get me started about how you wanted to play your parents wedding song, but now your dad isn't even invited to your wedding. Keep your stories straight. 

    MobKazMyNameIsNot
  • My stories are straight. I am just tried of others trying to control things about our wedding. Neither of us wanted the spotlight dance because of the FIL, the stepson's wife would feel left out, and our wedding isn't the place for my MIL to right a wrong she feels was done at the stepson's wedding. Further, it is our decision if we want to even have the parents introduced during the reception. Without asking us, my MIL has already indicated that she expects us to do so. She also thinks she can tell us who gets to be in family pictures. Unless she is paying for them which she isn't then that isn't her decision. My BIL who is getting married a few weeks after us has also had enough because she has told him she will personally invite whoever she wants to their wedding even if they don't want that person there. When we first started planning our wedding, she handed me a list of 60 people she insisted had to be invited. I am sorry, but these are not her decisions to make. My mother asked me to invite 2 people which is reasonable. I don't think telling us we have to invite 60 people is reasonable. My point is this is our wedding not my MIL's special day like she has been saying. She has made it very clear she thinks it is her special day from her Facebook posts to telling us how she is going to be working the room. I think she needs to realize our wedding and my BIL's wedding aren't about her.   
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My stories are straight. I am just tried of others trying to control things about our wedding. Neither of us wanted the spotlight dance because of the FIL, the stepson's wife would feel left out, and our wedding isn't the place for my MIL to right a wrong she feels was done at the stepson's wedding. Further, it is our decision if we want to even have the parents introduced during the reception. Without asking us, my MIL has already indicated that she expects us to do so. She also thinks she can tell us who gets to be in family pictures. Unless she is paying for them which she isn't then that isn't her decision. My BIL who is getting married a few weeks after us has also had enough because she has told him she will personally invite whoever she wants to their wedding even if they don't want that person there. When we first started planning our wedding, she handed me a list of 60 people she insisted had to be invited. I am sorry, but these are not her decisions to make. My mother asked me to invite 2 people which is reasonable. I don't think telling us we have to invite 60 people is reasonable. My point is this is our wedding not my MIL's special day like she has been saying. She has made it very clear she thinks it is her special day from her Facebook posts to telling us how she is going to be working the room. I think she needs to realize our wedding and my BIL's wedding aren't about her.   
    Well, it's everyone's day. The moment you invite other people to your wedding, it's not just about the two of you. I'm sure she's excited to see her son get married. Should she be dictating pictures? Nope. 

    But again, you are straight up not honest about all of these circumstances. When she suggested the military dance, you asked for our opinions as you were not sure. You did not mention your FIL being upset ONCE. If you're going to troll, at least keep track of your posts. 

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    My stories are straight. I am just tried of others trying to control things about our wedding. Neither of us wanted the spotlight dance because of the FIL, the stepson's wife would feel left out, and our wedding isn't the place for my MIL to right a wrong she feels was done at the stepson's wedding. Further, it is our decision if we want to even have the parents introduced during the reception. Without asking us, my MIL has already indicated that she expects us to do so. She also thinks she can tell us who gets to be in family pictures. Unless she is paying for them which she isn't then that isn't her decision. My BIL who is getting married a few weeks after us has also had enough because she has told him she will personally invite whoever she wants to their wedding even if they don't want that person there. When we first started planning our wedding, she handed me a list of 60 people she insisted had to be invited. I am sorry, but these are not her decisions to make. My mother asked me to invite 2 people which is reasonable. I don't think telling us we have to invite 60 people is reasonable. My point is this is our wedding not my MIL's special day like she has been saying. She has made it very clear she thinks it is her special day from her Facebook posts to telling us how she is going to be working the room. I think she needs to realize our wedding and my BIL's wedding aren't about her.   
    Just give it a week or two. I'm sure you'll have some sort of falling out and she won't be invited to the wedding at all anyway. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    InLoveInQueensMobKazMyNameIsNot
  • Why all the drama? Your MIL can talk all she wants, but if you and your FI are in agreement, then you don't have to let it get to you. Just smile and nod and do what you have decided to do. If, OTOH, your FI caves to his mother in spite of your wishes, well, that's a much more serious problem, and you will need to sort it out before you get married.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I think it's time to cancel all the existing plans and start over, very quietly.

    You don't need to elope, but I think you need to do the following:

    1) Stop trying to please everyone. It isn't possible in the best of circumstances, which you clearly ain't got. 

    2) Sounds like couples counseling with your FI might be in order to make sure you are both on the same page about how you plan the wedding. Remember, you have the rest of your lives ahead of you, and if you aren't able to deal as a team now with your respective family members and other drama-inducing crap, it won't get better later on.

    3) Don't rely on anyone else to fund your wedding. Draw up a budget based solely on money that's actually in your control as of right now and return any that isn't.

    4) Have clear plans that you both agree on, along with security to deal with anyone at your wedding who gets out of line - including family members. It wouldn't hurt to have a DOC or other persons at your wedding who can help with logistics and keep things running as smoothly as possible along your plans.

    5) Keep your plans to yourselves. Don't give your FMIL (or anyone else) any more information than she absolutely needs. If they make any demands, be noncommittal in your responses. Don't post about your plans on social media or anywhere that they can see them and start passing judgments and demands.

    6) Make sure your vendors understand that only you and your FI are authorized to give any new orders or change or cancel any existing ones. That includes your officiant.


    knottieffd308519aec5b27
  • edited February 13
    Jen4948 said:
    I think it's time to cancel all the existing plans and start over, very quietly.

    You don't need to elope, but I think you need to do the following:

    1) Stop trying to please everyone. It isn't possible in the best of circumstances, which you clearly ain't got. 

    2) Sounds like couples counseling with your FI might be in order to make sure you are both on the same page about how you plan the wedding. Remember, you have the rest of your lives ahead of you, and if you aren't able to deal as a team now with your respective family members and other drama-inducing crap, it won't get better later on.

    3) Don't rely on anyone else to fund your wedding. Draw up a budget based solely on money that's actually in your control as of right now and return any that isn't.

    4) Have clear plans that you both agree on, along with security to deal with anyone at your wedding who gets out of line - including family members. It wouldn't hurt to have a DOC or other persons at your wedding who can help with logistics and keep things running as smoothly as possible along your plans.

    5) Keep your plans to yourselves. Don't give your FMIL (or anyone else) any more information than she absolutely needs. If they make any demands, be noncommittal in your responses. Don't post about your plans on social media or anywhere that they can see them and start passing judgments and demands.

    6) Make sure your vendors understand that only you and your FI are authorized to give any new orders or change or cancel any existing ones. That includes your officiant.


    This is actually rather good advice. Thank you! I guess we are going to have to keep a lot of the details to ourselves from now on. We do have budget all planned out. My fiance made an excel spreadsheet with all of the items we are paying for on it. The only items we did not include were my wedding dress because my mother bought it and the rehearsal dinner because my MIL is paying for it. If my MIL continues to make suggestions, I will just nod along them tell my fiance and together we will come up with a plan on how to handle it. 
    Jen4948
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