My boyfriend of two years and I recently moved across the country from my hometown, away from all of my friends and family, for his new job. For him, this was just another move, but for me it meant leaving everything I knew behind. I’m really close to my family and made it clear to him that while I was on board, I really wanted to be engaged before we took such a big step together. I know it’s probably silly, but it’s something I care about. We talked a lot about our mutual vision of a future together, and he said he was struggling with the timing because we’re also dealing with his mother’s estate and trying to sell her house from across the country right now. The move ended up happening faster than we expected, and we’ve been here almost three months. I’m lonely, I miss my friends and family, and I’m not thrilled about my job. Plus, we’re still not engaged.
I tried ignoring the feelings, but things came to a head, and I explained how I was feeling (through tears, unfortunately). He assured me he’s ready to be engaged, wants to marry me, etc., but listed reasons for not moving forward, like not knowing where to start with ring shopping (he offered to shop together and has apparently forgotten about the discussion, as it hasn’t been brought up again and was ignored when I mentioned going). It makes me feel like an idiot for uprooting my entire life for someone who seems like he won’t commit. On the other hand, we bought a house together and talk about getting married and having kids, so I’m aware that there are commitments already in play. Part of me knows I should be content with that and the fact that it will happen, but a bigger part of me can’t take this “someday” timeline. I also don’t want to keep bringing it up and feel like I’m forcing an engagement. I know I’m probably leaning toward the unreasonable end of the spectrum, but I’m really struggling here (and the constant barrage of holiday engagement announcements and takeover of engagement ring ads on every social platform I use isn’t helping). Any advice on either getting over myself and my timelines or helping him understand how much this is really tearing me up inside?