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Wedding Woes

Photoshop swap conundrum

Dear Prudence,

My husband and I have been married for five years. We met while he was divorcing from his first wife. They had no kids and don’t keep in touch at all. This year, my husband’s brother died after a short battle with cancer. My husband’s been devastated, but we are managing; my problem is with my mother-in-law. We have a wonderful relationship, and I love her like my own mother. She’s been putting up more pictures of her dead son around the house in remembrance. Some of those old family photos include my husband’s first wife, and my mother-in-law is actively looking for someone to photoshop his ex-wife out and photoshop me into them! I think it’s very considerate that she’s worrying about offending me, but I don’t want to be photoshopped into a picture I was never a part of! I’m also not actually offended by looking at the occasional picture that includes my husband’s ex-wife in these memorials. It’s not ideal, but I’m really not bothered by it. Any ideas on how to handle this?

—No Need to ’Shop Me In

Re: Photoshop swap conundrum

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Words. If LW is as close to their MIL as they say they are, they should just talk to her about it and explain that they don't want to be photoshopped into the pictures. Also, a few pictures of the ex don't bother them.
    charlotte989875short+sassyOurWildKingdom
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    I'm with you guys. Use your words. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • What's to say MIL doesn't want to be looking at his ex's pictures!!  Think of it that way too, maybe her relationship with EDIL wasn't as good and SHE doesn't want the image of her up...  Taking the present DIL out of the reason for wanting to find someone to photoshop the images...
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • "MIL I appreciate that you're trying to make me comfortable here but there's no need.   You can love those photos that don't include me and I understand that it's no reflection on our relationship." 
    OurWildKingdom
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 21
    I am totally seeing my former MIL doing this.  She kept up the previous ex's picture on the refrigerator for months when exH and I started dating, when we married told someone, "Well her grandparents raised her but she still has family values,", told me I'd die alone with someone jacking me off in a nursing home if I didn't have kids for my exH (yeah, that was the one I didn't speak to her for a year about), and loads of other stuff that still hasn't really stopped, 3 years after the fact.  She loooooves new wife b/c new wife already had a kid and she's "finally a grandmother!!!"  Feel my eyeroll.

    Okay, enough with projecting.  Tell MIL she's being ridiculous and that if she wants to blur ex or cut her out, fine, b/c that's MIL's decision to make, but LW would prefer that her image not be used as a replacement, b/c that's LW's decision to make.
    charlotte989875mrsconn23
  • “MIL it’s kind of you to do this, but it’s not necessary. If you want to do it, that’s fine, but there’s no need to do it on my behalf”. 
    OurWildKingdom
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Where’s that Chrissy Teigan gif? 


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    ei34VarunaTT
  • levioosa said:
    Where’s that Chrissy Teigan gif? 
    Image result for chrissy teigen confused gif
    ei34VarunaTTlevioosaclimbingwife
  • MesmrEwe said:
    What's to say MIL doesn't want to be looking at his ex's pictures!!  Think of it that way too, maybe her relationship with EDIL wasn't as good and SHE doesn't want the image of her up...  Taking the present DIL out of the reason for wanting to find someone to photoshop the images...

    That's a good point, but then the MIL should just photoshop the ex out of them and not replace the image with the LW.  Because I think it's mainly the last part that everyone, including the LW, is finding cringe-worthy.

    Like the other PPs, I think the LW needs to use her words.  Assure the MIL she doesn't mind the photos, but is very uncomfortable with the idea of herself being photoshopped into them.  Because she wasn't really there or even in her H's life at the time.

    And why stop there?  I think the MIL should photoshop the LW into her son's prom pictures also, lol.

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    OurWildKingdom
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I agree on the photoshopping the ex out if that is what the MIL wants to do. Hell I did that with DS2's ex GF (it was DS1's wedding picture). However, I will not photoshop his next GF into that picture! I was trying to spare DS2's feelings and to be perfectly honest I can't stand the exGF. The over the line part is photoshopping the wife into the pictures.
    OurWildKingdom
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree on the photoshopping the ex out if that is what the MIL wants to do. Hell I did that with DS2's ex GF (it was DS1's wedding picture). However, I will not photoshop his next GF into that picture! I was trying to spare DS2's feelings and to be perfectly honest I can't stand the exGF. The over the line part is photoshopping the wife into the pictures.
    But you still like DS1's exGF fine, right? ;)

    Totally agree with your perspective on the pictures.
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    I agree on the photoshopping the ex out if that is what the MIL wants to do. Hell I did that with DS2's ex GF (it was DS1's wedding picture). However, I will not photoshop his next GF into that picture! I was trying to spare DS2's feelings and to be perfectly honest I can't stand the exGF. The over the line part is photoshopping the wife into the pictures.
    H and I were engaged at the time of my brother's wedding and he's on the end in pretty much every family picture, for a reason. LOL 

    My grandma's funeral picture slideshow had a picture of her with my exBF and I before prom. It's a great picture and I'm glad they included it. I don't think H lost any sleep over it either.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I agree on the photoshopping the ex out if that is what the MIL wants to do. Hell I did that with DS2's ex GF (it was DS1's wedding picture). However, I will not photoshop his next GF into that picture! I was trying to spare DS2's feelings and to be perfectly honest I can't stand the exGF. The over the line part is photoshopping the wife into the pictures.
    But you still like DS1's exGF fine, right? ;)

    Totally agree with your perspective on the pictures.
    Yep, she's a great gal! ;) I even like the majority of DD's exBFs (not that there were tons).
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ugh, that is such an awkward situation. I would personally have a hard time saying something to the MIL - she's obviously grieving and in a lot of pain. 

  • I can maybe -MAYBE-understand her photoshopping out the ex-wife (though it still seems a bit much to me), but to put LW in her place is completely unnecessary and weird. LW should just use her words and tell MIL that she doesn't need to go to this trouble.
    image
  • I just assume MIL isn’t that great at photoshop so she is just pasting current wife’s head of XW’s body because it is easier, lol. It would be even better if it weren’t even photoshopped, just her head stuck over the photo with a piece of tape. 
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