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Re: NVM

  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited February 23
    I feel where you’re coming from, OP. I have a job that challenges my faith in humanity every day, so that alone makes it difficult to have the energy to make friends or keep up with the ones I have. But you owe it to yourself (and your FI) to make some more social connections.

    What interests you? Meetup has been amazing for me. I belong to several groups, and last year I organized my own. 

    Do you have causes you’re passionate about? Volunteering helps me meet cool people and put my own issues into perspective.

     I also agree with @maine7mob and @LondonLisa that you might benefit from therapy. It’s not for everyone, but it’s helped me process a lot of issues in my life.

    Nothing can change the past, but you can make a better future for yourself.

    ETA: Don’t be so quick to dismiss people as “basic” or whatever. Some of the people I like best had to grow on me. I initially dismissed them but decided to give them a fair chance. 
    ShesSoColdshort+sassyei34charlotte989875
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited February 23
    When I began reading your post, OP, I was sympathetic because I've dealt with many of the same issues for years and am still dealing with them. I have parents who are not truly sympathetic with me and two siblings with whom I am not on speaking terms. 

    Years ago I moved from Houston to New York in the hope of changing my life for the better, especially my social life, because I had a hard time making friends in Houston. I succeeded by joining interest groups and volunteering. But I had to move back to Houston a few years ago, and it's been tough. It hasn't helped that the problems with my family are still going on. I've been trying to find friends here by volunteering and joining local interest groups. 

    That said, I agree that it is not helpful to dismiss an entire metropolitan area as "basic." That's obnoxiously judgmental. If you hope to improve your life, being more open-minded about other people and not attaching dismissive labels to large groups of people you don't even know would be a good start. Therapy would be another good step.


    OurWildKingdomShesSoColdei34charlotte989875
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    So, per the Google, San Diego had 1.42 million people in 2017. All of these people, plus everyone in your family and everyone at every bridal shop and expo aren't living up to your expectations or aren't good enough for you. 1.42 million people. And you don't seem to see that you are the common denominator here?

    As far as the wedding goes, have whatever wedding YOU want. Assuming you and your fiance are the ones paying for this and the ones getting married, it should be your opinions. Don't have a big to-do wedding because all of these awful people want you to. Have the wedding you want. What kind of wedding do you and your fiance actually want?
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    sparklepants41drunkenwitch
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It sounds like eloping is probably the best choice for your and your FI. 

    Also, no one is going to be as excited for your wedding as you are. What kind of support were you expecting from your families? 

    I'm not sure how you can write off every person that lives in your city. That seems quite extreme. Every person that lives there is basic? Or angry? What kind of hobbies do you enjoy? Why not try meeting people through something like that?

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    At first I felt sorry for you, but your judgmental attitude makes me see why you have problems making friends. Honestly, if you are routinely unable to get along with people at shops who are literally getting paid to kiss your ass, it leaves little question why you have problems.

    It's great that your FI is your BFF, but it's neither fun nor healthy to go through a life with literally 0 other positive relationships. It puts too much pressure on your marriage, and eventually relying on your spouse to be your everything will erode that relationship. Like PPs, I think counselling is a good idea. It sounds like you're judging people and pushing them away before you have a chance to connect with anyone. 
    MesmrEwe
  • I do pickup that parts of the country can have different, general vibes.  But people are always more alike than they're different.  PPs have given great suggestions for getting yourself out there and expanding your social network.  Though, keep in mind, it takes time to build great friendships.

    I grew up slightly north of you in Orange County and went to college in northern San Diego County.  FWIW, there are a number of descriptors (good and bad) that I might use to describe the general culture/vibe of So. CA, but angry isn't one of them.  If anything, I see it as the opposite and was surprised to see that in your post.  I don't want to discount your feelings because I know different life experiences can lead to different perceptions.  But, as someone who grew up in the same area, I do think there is at least some "viewing the world with dark-colored glasses" going on here.

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    MesmrEweei34
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its

    ...

    And a DD. Add all of us to the literal millions of people who aren't good enough for OP.

    Yet, she's not the problem. 
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    ei34sparklepants41InLoveInQueens
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    And instead of taking any of our advice, you just ignore it all and delete your post. Yup, this tracks. 

  • all I wanted was an advice, not judgement. Please don't even bother on replying to me.
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    all I wanted was an advice, not judgement. Please don't even bother on replying to me.
    You got advice. You just didn't like it.
    ShesSoColdOurWildKingdomILoveBeachMusicjustsie
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    all I wanted was an advice, not judgement. Please don't even bother on replying to me.
    Funny how it works - you point a finger at someone else and three point back at you. 
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    all I wanted was an advice, not judgement. Please don't even bother on replying to me.
    Gee, I wonder if this is how every individual you ever interact with feels? I was just being friendly, but she called me basic. 
    OurWildKingdomInLoveInQueensShesSoCold
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    edited February 28
    all I wanted was an advice, not judgement. Please don't even bother on replying to me.
    I wonder what she actually wanted here. Does she expect us to correct the unfavorable personalities of everyone she encounters? Or justify her sweeping generalizations? "Ya! San Diego sucks! Rabble rabble!"

    But yeah, Flan, you nailed it. OP got a lot of advice. But rather than swallowing a difficult pill, she chose to blame us, shove her head back in the sand and decide that when it's 1.42 million vs. one, the one is somehow correct. IDK how we can fix that shit. 
    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    Edited because my little shrug guy was split up on two lines. :( 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    OurWildKingdomILoveBeachMusic
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