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Wedding Woes

Maybe start with talking about 'tricky people'?

Dear Prudence,

My boyfriend is father to a wonderful 8-year-old who, after finding out Michael Jackson used to hang out with the Beatles, became obsessed. He’s an excellent moonwalker and has memorized all of Michael Jackson’s albums. He’s also precocious and always on the lookout to learn more about his new hero. So we are worried that some big talks are ahead with the latest documentary. My boyfriend is uncertain about how to talk with his son about Jackson’s history; neither of us are perfectly comfortable with the “separating the art from the artist” approach, but we’re at a loss for an age-appropriate way to have this discussion.

—Boyfriend’s 8-Year-Old Is an MJ Fan

Re: Maybe start with talking about 'tricky people'?

  • Ro041Ro041 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Let him enjoy the music.  He's a child.  The "separate the art from the artist" mantra is for adults.  An 8-year-old won't know about a documentary if you don't expose them to it.  These conversations can happen when he is much older.  

    mrsconn23ei34CharmedPam
  • Start in baby step here. 

    You can begin by simply teaching the 8 yo about stranger danger, the ways that people you start to like can trick you and why you need to stay safe with your parents.   

    Then as he ages (he's only a year older than the age of reason) you can start to discuss that there are people who do unkind things to children or other people.   Some of those people were popular or put out work that has been recognized all over the world but if we knew what they were doing back when what was produced was being made, they would probably not get the recognition for their work and they may be in jail.

    Then as the kiddo ages - especially as he starts going to places without parents for extended periods of time - you emphasize that private areas are private.   You can talk more in middle school about people who take advantage of children.   You can discuss that this is NOT OK and mention those who are famous who have done things that should (or DO) have them in jail.


    mrsconn23VarunaTTOliveOilsMom
  • ebanana468 said:
    Start in baby step here. 

    You can begin by simply teaching the 8 yo about stranger danger, the ways that people you start to like can trick you and why you need to stay safe with your parents.   

    Then as he ages (he's only a year older than the age of reason) you can start to discuss that there are people who do unkind things to children or other people.   Some of those people were popular or put out work that has been recognized all over the world but if we knew what they were doing back when what was produced was being made, they would probably not get the recognition for their work and they may be in jail.

    Then as the kiddo ages - especially as he starts going to places without parents for extended periods of time - you emphasize that private areas are private.   You can talk more in middle school about people who take advantage of children.   You can discuss that this is NOT OK and mention those who are famous who have done things that should (or DO) have them in jail.


    banana468 said:
    Start in baby step here. 

    You can begin by simply teaching the 8 yo about stranger danger, the ways that people you start to like can trick you and why you need to stay safe with your parents.   

    Then as he ages (he's only a year older than the age of reason) you can start to discuss that there are people who do unkind things to children or other people.   Some of those people were popular or put out work that has been recognized all over the world but if we knew what they were doing back when what was produced was being made, they would probably not get the recognition for their work and they may be in jail.

    Then as the kiddo ages - especially as he starts going to places without parents for extended periods of time - you emphasize that private areas are private.   You can talk more in middle school about people who take advantage of children.   You can discuss that this is NOT OK and mention those who are famous who have done things that should (or DO) have them in ja






    i think the time for these lessons is as soon as a child can talk. If you wait until 9 you may be much too late. 
    levioosa
  • ebanana468 said:
    Start in baby step here. 

    You can begin by simply teaching the 8 yo about stranger danger, the ways that people you start to like can trick you and why you need to stay safe with your parents.   

    Then as he ages (he's only a year older than the age of reason) you can start to discuss that there are people who do unkind things to children or other people.   Some of those people were popular or put out work that has been recognized all over the world but if we knew what they were doing back when what was produced was being made, they would probably not get the recognition for their work and they may be in jail.

    Then as the kiddo ages - especially as he starts going to places without parents for extended periods of time - you emphasize that private areas are private.   You can talk more in middle school about people who take advantage of children.   You can discuss that this is NOT OK and mention those who are famous who have done things that should (or DO) have them in jail.


    banana468 said:
    Start in baby step here. 

    You can begin by simply teaching the 8 yo about stranger danger, the ways that people you start to like can trick you and why you need to stay safe with your parents.   

    Then as he ages (he's only a year older than the age of reason) you can start to discuss that there are people who do unkind things to children or other people.   Some of those people were popular or put out work that has been recognized all over the world but if we knew what they were doing back when what was produced was being made, they would probably not get the recognition for their work and they may be in jail.

    Then as the kiddo ages - especially as he starts going to places without parents for extended periods of time - you emphasize that private areas are private.   You can talk more in middle school about people who take advantage of children.   You can discuss that this is NOT OK and mention those who are famous who have done things that should (or DO) have them in ja






    i think the time for these lessons is as soon as a child can talk. If you wait until 9 you may be much too late. 
    My point is that you start the lessons and WHAT they are as the kid ages.

    A child who can talk still cannot reason.  So I agree - you start when the kid can talk.  But you start in small amounts that are geared towards what is and is not OK.

    I used the age because that's the age of the child in the letter now.   It's too late to go back and say that Michael Jackson composed great music but he should have been in jail for the end of his life. 

    But regardless, you need to start this at a level that a child can understand. 
    mrsconn23
  • banana468 said:
    ebanana468 said:
    Start in baby step here. 

    You can begin by simply teaching the 8 yo about stranger danger, the ways that people you start to like can trick you and why you need to stay safe with your parents.   

    Then as he ages (he's only a year older than the age of reason) you can start to discuss that there are people who do unkind things to children or other people.   Some of those people were popular or put out work that has been recognized all over the world but if we knew what they were doing back when what was produced was being made, they would probably not get the recognition for their work and they may be in jail.

    Then as the kiddo ages - especially as he starts going to places without parents for extended periods of time - you emphasize that private areas are private.   You can talk more in middle school about people who take advantage of children.   You can discuss that this is NOT OK and mention those who are famous who have done things that should (or DO) have them in jail.


    banana468 said:
    Start in baby step here. 

    You can begin by simply teaching the 8 yo about stranger danger, the ways that people you start to like can trick you and why you need to stay safe with your parents.   

    Then as he ages (he's only a year older than the age of reason) you can start to discuss that there are people who do unkind things to children or other people.   Some of those people were popular or put out work that has been recognized all over the world but if we knew what they were doing back when what was produced was being made, they would probably not get the recognition for their work and they may be in jail.

    Then as the kiddo ages - especially as he starts going to places without parents for extended periods of time - you emphasize that private areas are private.   You can talk more in middle school about people who take advantage of children.   You can discuss that this is NOT OK and mention those who are famous who have done things that should (or DO) have them in ja






    i think the time for these lessons is as soon as a child can talk. If you wait until 9 you may be much too late. 
    My point is that you start the lessons and WHAT they are as the kid ages.

    A child who can talk still cannot reason.  So I agree - you start when the kid can talk.  But you start in small amounts that are geared towards what is and is not OK.

    I used the age because that's the age of the child in the letter now.   It's too late to go back and say that Michael Jackson composed great music but he should have been in jail for the end of his life. 

    But regardless, you need to start this at a level that a child can understand. 
    Oh yeah agreed! But a three and four year old can start hearing “private parts are private and if anyone touches you there tell mommy and daddy right away” 
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