Wedding Woes

"Due to demand, I currently don't have any milk to offer."

Dear Prudence,


I have a 12-week-old son, and I’m blessed with an abundant supply of milk. I offer my extra milk to babies in need via a peer-to-peer social media page. I love donating; it makes me feel so good to be able to help others, and I’ve made some really meaningful connections. Every time I post, I get many, many more requests than I can accept. I choose based on whom I think needs it most in combination with any connection I might have. For everyone else, I have to find a way to say no. It’s so hard to tell these desperate parents that I didn’t choose their baby, but there’s no way around it. Can you give me a script for this?


—The Milk Lady


Re: "Due to demand, I currently don't have any milk to offer."

  • edited March 2019
    Can't posts be deleted? Could LW delete her post after she's out?

    Or I like Ro's suggestion better. Go back to the previous post and message those who inquired but were late. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • "I am able to offer X qty and no more.   I apologize to those in advance that I am not able to help."

    And then I'd strongly consider looking for a milk bank rather than peer to peer donations. 
  • This question is so odd to me.  I know that people can donate their breast milk to milk banks, but to just offer it up on SM?  And so many people accept?  How can they be certain that the milk is ok for consumption? 

    But, I think that LW should put that in her initial offer.  "Dear Community, I have excess breast milk at this time and would like to provide it to someone who is truly in need.  I can offer this to only one person.  If I do not contact you directly, please assume that I have offered the milk to another person already and they accepted.  I am unable to respond to all requests for the milk."

    There is a FB group called Human Milk for Human Babies which is donating milk at no cost. When you get it from a milk bank there is a cost so this is a way for it to be free. People will list any medicines, caffeine, etc they take but still on the honor system. I donated some through it but personally I would not have taken any donations bc I would have been a bit worried. Plus I didn't care if he got formula or not so I'd go that route anyway. 
  • IMO I'd reach out to those she already has a connection with before offering up to the masses. In a similar vain, there is a lady on my baby BST group on FB that we had traded a few things and our sons are close in age. When a neighbor has given me hand me downs I take some and give her the rest. I just reach out directly to her for first dibs instead of dealing with a bunch of requests, no shows, etc. I would do the same for milk in this lady's shoes. 
  • kvruns said:

    This question is so odd to me.  I know that people can donate their breast milk to milk banks, but to just offer it up on SM?  And so many people accept?  How can they be certain that the milk is ok for consumption? 

    But, I think that LW should put that in her initial offer.  "Dear Community, I have excess breast milk at this time and would like to provide it to someone who is truly in need.  I can offer this to only one person.  If I do not contact you directly, please assume that I have offered the milk to another person already and they accepted.  I am unable to respond to all requests for the milk."

    There is a FB group called Human Milk for Human Babies which is donating milk at no cost. When you get it from a milk bank there is a cost so this is a way for it to be free. People will list any medicines, caffeine, etc they take but still on the honor system. I donated some through it but personally I would not have taken any donations bc I would have been a bit worried. Plus I didn't care if he got formula or not so I'd go that route anyway. 


    Thanks for the info!  I didn't realize that the milk banks cost money.  I thought that milk banks generally worked for lower income people and provided the milk for free.

    I also don't think I would have taken any.  But I had to feed DD both formula and breast milk since her birth.  I had issues with my supply so I couldn't make enough alone.  I do wish I stopped sooner and just FF, looking back on our experience.

  • I do think milk can be available for free for some but not all. I just did a quick google search that pulled up anywhere from $1-5 per oz at a milk bank. 
  • I'm a little confused, like the rest of you.  If she has already made "meaningful connections", then it seems to make the most sense to offer those families first dibs on extra milk.

    And include in any future post a line like, "I wish I could help everyone, but obviously supplies are limited, lol.  If you don't hear back from me, the milk has gone to another family."

    She seems to be making a bigger deal out of a non-problem than she needs to.  Maybe misplaced guilt?  Because it is an important resource and every family is deserving.  But doing what she can is already very generous.

    For example, my misplaced guilt is thinking of all the wonderful dogs and kitties in the pound who will never know the love found in a good home.  I wish I could snuggle and adopt them all, because they all deserve it.  But obviously I can't.  Because "supplies" are limited.  So my H and I did what we could handle and adopted one cat and one dog.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'm a little confused, like the rest of you.  If she has already made "meaningful connections", then it seems to make the most sense to offer those families first dibs on extra milk.

    And include in any future post a line like, "I wish I could help everyone, but obviously supplies are limited, lol.  If you don't hear back from me, the milk has gone to another family."

    She seems to be making a bigger deal out of a non-problem than she needs to.  Maybe misplaced guilt?  Because it is an important resource and every family is deserving.  But doing what she can is already very generous.

    For example, my misplaced guilt is thinking of all the wonderful dogs and kitties in the pound who will never know the love found in a good home.  I wish I could snuggle and adopt them all, because they all deserve it.  But obviously I can't.  Because "supplies" are limited.  So my H and I did what we could handle and adopted one cat and one dog.  
    Me too.  Rabbits for me, but this time of year is so hard because around Easter, so many rabbits get put up for adoption because people don't look into how much care they need.  And they are ALL SO CUTE!!!  But I can't take more.  My one keeps throwing weird temper tantrums ... 

  • kerbohl said:
    I'm a little confused, like the rest of you.  If she has already made "meaningful connections", then it seems to make the most sense to offer those families first dibs on extra milk.

    And include in any future post a line like, "I wish I could help everyone, but obviously supplies are limited, lol.  If you don't hear back from me, the milk has gone to another family."

    She seems to be making a bigger deal out of a non-problem than she needs to.  Maybe misplaced guilt?  Because it is an important resource and every family is deserving.  But doing what she can is already very generous.

    For example, my misplaced guilt is thinking of all the wonderful dogs and kitties in the pound who will never know the love found in a good home.  I wish I could snuggle and adopt them all, because they all deserve it.  But obviously I can't.  Because "supplies" are limited.  So my H and I did what we could handle and adopted one cat and one dog.  
    Me too.  Rabbits for me, but this time of year is so hard because around Easter, so many rabbits get put up for adoption because people don't look into how much care they need.  And they are ALL SO CUTE!!!  But I can't take more.  My one keeps throwing weird temper tantrums ... 
    Ugh, I've heard that.  It is so awful!  Rabbits are living animals.  Not cute props for photos and to get kids excited on Easter morning.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • kerbohl said:
    I'm a little confused, like the rest of you.  If she has already made "meaningful connections", then it seems to make the most sense to offer those families first dibs on extra milk.

    And include in any future post a line like, "I wish I could help everyone, but obviously supplies are limited, lol.  If you don't hear back from me, the milk has gone to another family."

    She seems to be making a bigger deal out of a non-problem than she needs to.  Maybe misplaced guilt?  Because it is an important resource and every family is deserving.  But doing what she can is already very generous.

    For example, my misplaced guilt is thinking of all the wonderful dogs and kitties in the pound who will never know the love found in a good home.  I wish I could snuggle and adopt them all, because they all deserve it.  But obviously I can't.  Because "supplies" are limited.  So my H and I did what we could handle and adopted one cat and one dog.  
    Me too.  Rabbits for me, but this time of year is so hard because around Easter, so many rabbits get put up for adoption because people don't look into how much care they need.  And they are ALL SO CUTE!!!  But I can't take more.  My one keeps throwing weird temper tantrums ... 
    Ugh, I've heard that.  It is so awful!  Rabbits are living animals.  Not cute props for photos and to get kids excited on Easter morning.  
    Something similar happened when 101 Dalmatians was re released and people had to realize that real dalmatians will 
    1 - grow up
    2 - stop being puppies
    3 - not ever be cartoons
  • Ro041Ro041 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I work (volunteer) in rescue and it happens every Christmas with dogs and cats.  It happens every Easter with bunnies.  It happens every spring with feral kitten season.  It never stops.  

  • kerbohl said:
    I'm a little confused, like the rest of you.  If she has already made "meaningful connections", then it seems to make the most sense to offer those families first dibs on extra milk.

    And include in any future post a line like, "I wish I could help everyone, but obviously supplies are limited, lol.  If you don't hear back from me, the milk has gone to another family."

    She seems to be making a bigger deal out of a non-problem than she needs to.  Maybe misplaced guilt?  Because it is an important resource and every family is deserving.  But doing what she can is already very generous.

    For example, my misplaced guilt is thinking of all the wonderful dogs and kitties in the pound who will never know the love found in a good home.  I wish I could snuggle and adopt them all, because they all deserve it.  But obviously I can't.  Because "supplies" are limited.  So my H and I did what we could handle and adopted one cat and one dog.  
    Me too.  Rabbits for me, but this time of year is so hard because around Easter, so many rabbits get put up for adoption because people don't look into how much care they need.  And they are ALL SO CUTE!!!  But I can't take more.  My one keeps throwing weird temper tantrums ... 
    what does a rabbit temper tantrum look like?
  • kerbohl said:

    Me too.  Rabbits for me, but this time of year is so hard because around Easter, so many rabbits get put up for adoption because people don't look into how much care they need.  And they are ALL SO CUTE!!!  But I can't take more.  My one keeps throwing weird temper tantrums ... 
    what does a rabbit temper tantrum look like?
    I was wondering that too! I'm intrigued
  • Ro041 said:
    I work (volunteer) in rescue and it happens every Christmas with dogs and cats.  It happens every Easter with bunnies.  It happens every spring with feral kitten season.  It never stops.  
    Black cats on Halloween....

  • kerbohl said:
    I'm a little confused, like the rest of you.  If she has already made "meaningful connections", then it seems to make the most sense to offer those families first dibs on extra milk.

    And include in any future post a line like, "I wish I could help everyone, but obviously supplies are limited, lol.  If you don't hear back from me, the milk has gone to another family."

    She seems to be making a bigger deal out of a non-problem than she needs to.  Maybe misplaced guilt?  Because it is an important resource and every family is deserving.  But doing what she can is already very generous.

    For example, my misplaced guilt is thinking of all the wonderful dogs and kitties in the pound who will never know the love found in a good home.  I wish I could snuggle and adopt them all, because they all deserve it.  But obviously I can't.  Because "supplies" are limited.  So my H and I did what we could handle and adopted one cat and one dog.  
    Me too.  Rabbits for me, but this time of year is so hard because around Easter, so many rabbits get put up for adoption because people don't look into how much care they need.  And they are ALL SO CUTE!!!  But I can't take more.  My one keeps throwing weird temper tantrums ... 
    what does a rabbit temper tantrum look like?
                     

                                          
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • kerbohl said:
    I'm a little confused, like the rest of you.  If she has already made "meaningful connections", then it seems to make the most sense to offer those families first dibs on extra milk.

    And include in any future post a line like, "I wish I could help everyone, but obviously supplies are limited, lol.  If you don't hear back from me, the milk has gone to another family."

    She seems to be making a bigger deal out of a non-problem than she needs to.  Maybe misplaced guilt?  Because it is an important resource and every family is deserving.  But doing what she can is already very generous.

    For example, my misplaced guilt is thinking of all the wonderful dogs and kitties in the pound who will never know the love found in a good home.  I wish I could snuggle and adopt them all, because they all deserve it.  But obviously I can't.  Because "supplies" are limited.  So my H and I did what we could handle and adopted one cat and one dog.  
    Me too.  Rabbits for me, but this time of year is so hard because around Easter, so many rabbits get put up for adoption because people don't look into how much care they need.  And they are ALL SO CUTE!!!  But I can't take more.  My one keeps throwing weird temper tantrums ... 
    what does a rabbit temper tantrum look like?
    I have a space sort of like a tunnel for my rabbits to hide in.  When he's "having a mood", he runs in there, and anyone (whether the other rabbits or myself) goes near it, he grunts really loudly and starts nipping.  Then every once in a while he'll run out to the open area and run around the other rabbits grunting and nipping them and then run back into his little dark place.  If I sing to him, he stops, but I'm not going to sing for him for hours straight until he calms down!

  • GBCKGBCK member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    There's a whole thing where people think (partially correctly) not-ever-frozen milk is better.  I considred that route, but the whole "how do you know it's safe" has the flip side of "how do you know you won't be sued" (I gave away used pumps and such, but I went through thte bank for my milk.
    The bank also has that thing where *they* triage kids--where I sent it, the basically 'triage' who gets it, and the low-income NICU here in state gets priority. Which seemed appropriate.
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