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Etiquette

Jr Bridesmaid Seating at Reception

So I am having 1 junior bridesmaid (my fiances niece who is 9) in the wedding. She is the only kid and the wedding is adults only. I am unsure where to sit her at the reception. Her mom is a bridesmaid so she will be at the head table, but I know that the JB isn't going to want to sit still and be quiet during toasts/dances/etc. and that is why I'm questioning if I should put her at the head table or at my fiance's family's table along with his mom/dad (who the JB lives with) and the older cousins that she knows.

To add to this, my future sister in law's live in boyfriend is attending and he doesn't have the best track record with the family. So if I stick him at the family table by himself that will obviously be super weird for everyone, but they are literally the only people he knows there, and so now I'm thinking if the JB and my future sister in law (who also has a baby that may or may not be attending) sit at the family table together with himit may be less weird? I don't know haha

Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated!!

Re: Jr Bridesmaid Seating at Reception

  • I'd put the JB with the family she knows, but run this by her mom first. If she prefers to sit with her mom, you can put her at the head table, since she is technically part of the WP. A nine year old is capable of sitting through toasts and dances, as long as there aren't too many. No guest should have to put up with tons of these things anyway.

    It wasn't clear from your post, but I assume the FSIL is at the head table, so her SO would be by himself wherever you seat him, correct? If his is true, put him at the family table. If I'm mistaken and she's not in the WP, then just seat him with her, as you would a married couple. I wouldn't worry about whether he gets along with the family. You don't have to police the behavior of other adults.

    short+sassyOurWildKingdom
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Another reason why head tables are a bad idea. And why are you splitting up your BP members and their SOs? 

    Have a sweetheart table, and seat your BP members with their SOs or dates and family members. 

    sparklepants41InLoveInQueensOurWildKingdom
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Don't split up your FSIL and her boyfriend.  H and I had a sweetheart table, just us sitting together, and our BP sat with the guests they knew best.  This is what has always been the case when I've been a BM, thankfully.

    Ask the bridesmaid where she'd like to sit- 9 is old enough to decide that.  (And old enough to not need "junior" in a title.)
    OurWildKingdom
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    MobKaz said:
    This could be a great time to revisit the entire notion of head table. You could have a sweetheart table, or a mini head table with you, your FI, best man, and MOH.  If the BM and MOH are not a couple, then include their SO’s. Everyone else can sit scattered with friends and family. My DD did this and her WP appreciated it and had a more pleasant dining experience. 
    This - really!  I wanted to have no head table at all but was overruled.  Really, with the size of event we had I wanted us to be out mingling with our guests and where we ended up stopped to eat is where we'd eat..  

    But really, the first thing is it sounds like you really don't want the JB there for fear that she, I don't know, may behave like A NINE YEAR OLD!  9yo are not toddlers, they're in school, they know how to sit at a desk quietly for 8 hours a day.  The 9yo will be just fine during dinner and some speeches, and if you all go long, they're going to be the barometer for what the rest of your guests are thinking and probably just go find something else to do in the room (like an electronic device!  There's a time and a place! This is it!)

    There are two dynamics to be considered in the scenario you're presenting OP... Either she sits with Mom at the head table (be kind in your choice of meal - if you already know the 9yo won't eat it, choose something else! Most caterers will offer a kid's meal option)..  If you have the 9yo by Mom, then great, no big deal.  If you choose to have the 9yo with your FIL's, you're asking them to watch the 9yo during dinner.  Is that really fair either.  My vote is ask the parents involved which they'd prefer, but don't take the moment away from your FIL's because this is their day as well (as your parents too!)..
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    OurWildKingdomnightnerd
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MobKaz said:
    This could be a great time to revisit the entire notion of head table. You could have a sweetheart table, or a mini head table with you, your FI, best man, and MOH.  If the BM and MOH are not a couple, then include their SO’s. Everyone else can sit scattered with friends and family. My DD did this and her WP appreciated it and had a more pleasant dining experience. 
    All of this 


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    MesmrEweOurWildKingdom
  • If you refer to her as a 'junior bridesmaid,' do you refer to the others as 'senior bridesmaids'?

    MyNameIsNot
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited April 9
    I would just call her a "bridesmaid" with no distinction between junior and senior. If you're going to have a head table, she should be included. Otherwise, she should be with her mother and her mother's SO together at one table. You don't have to seat all of the wedding party together, but don't break up couples and their children.
    auriannaInLoveInQueens
  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
    I would just call her a "bridesmaid" with no distinction between junior and senior. If you're going to have a head table, she should be included. Otherwise, she should be with her mother and her mother's SO together at one table. You don't have to seat all of the wedding party together, but don't break up couples and their children.

    I agree with this. It might make her feel so special and grownup to have the same name as the others.
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