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My fiancé and I are graduating from college 7 weeks before our wedding. We are saving for the cost of it and not planning to ask our parents or anyone for help because it's our responsibility. That being said, we don't think we can budget for having beer and wine at the reception since our families are huge and our guest list is at around 300. We've already gotten "the talk" from MIL about how it's not acceptable to skip any family members when sending invitations so we're stuck on that. Is it rude to have a winery come to the reception and sell their wine? Or to buy kegs and cases of wine, but then ask for $1-2 a pint/glass. I'm also quite worried that people will drink and then drive since our reception venue doesn't have accommodations so I thought this may help with people not getting out of control. What are everyone's thoughts?

Re: Bar

  • My fiancé and I are graduating from college 7 weeks before our wedding. We are saving for the cost of it and not planning to ask our parents or anyone for help because it's our responsibility. That being said, we don't think we can budget for having beer and wine at the reception since our families are huge and our guest list is at around 300. We've already gotten "the talk" from MIL about how it's not acceptable to skip any family members when sending invitations so we're stuck on that. Is it rude to have a winery come to the reception and sell their wine? Or to buy kegs and cases of wine, but then ask for $1-2 a pint/glass. I'm also quite worried that people will drink and then drive since our reception venue doesn't have accommodations so I thought this may help with people not getting out of control. What are everyone's thoughts?
    My answer is the same as on the other post; guests should never have to pay for anything at your wedding. It’s fine to have a dry wedding. It’s fine to only serve beer and wine. But it’s not okay to have your guests pay for your event. 

    Since you and your FI are paying for the wedding then you get to decide who is invited and what money is spent on. If you two don’t want to have a large wedding then your FI their mother that the guest list will not be that large. If you want to cut out flowers/decorations/favors and focus on food and alcohol then that’s your choice. But it’s not okay to ask your guests to pay. 
    InLoveInQueensOurWildKingdom
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My fiancé and I are graduating from college 7 weeks before our wedding. We are saving for the cost of it and not planning to ask our parents or anyone for help because it's our responsibility. That being said, we don't think we can budget for having beer and wine at the reception since our families are huge and our guest list is at around 300. We've already gotten "the talk" from MIL about how it's not acceptable to skip any family members when sending invitations so we're stuck on that. Is it rude to have a winery come to the reception and sell their wine? Or to buy kegs and cases of wine, but then ask for $1-2 a pint/glass. I'm also quite worried that people will drink and then drive since our reception venue doesn't have accommodations so I thought this may help with people not getting out of control. What are everyone's thoughts?
    Yes, that's very rude. Your guests shouldn't have to open their wallets for anything. 

    Also, your MIL is not paying for the wedding, so she doesn't get to dictate the guest list. 

    You have two options. Don't serve alcohol, or cut down your guest list. 

    OurWildKingdom
  • The people paying for the wedding get to decide how many people they will invite.
    And the people paying for the wedding will pay the entire bill for each and every guest.

    If you cannot afford to provide food and drink for every single guest, you will need to cut the guest list. Or have a cake and punch wedding, or a dry wedding.
    InLoveInQueensOurWildKingdomshort+sassy
  • If you're financing this then your families don't get to tell you how many people to invite.

    That said, there's no acceptable way you can ask your guests to pay for any portion of the wedding.   

    I'd either opt for a breakfast wedding or a post-lunch wedding with a cake and punch short reception.

    OR get married a year or so later if you can save enough $ to host beer and wine in that time. 
    OurWildKingdomshort+sassy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Yes, it would rude of you to require your guests to pay for alcohol or anyrhing else at your wedding. If it's important to you that alcohol be served, you and your FI need to come up with a means of paying for it.

     Given that your FMIL is not paying for the wedding, her "talk" was inappropriate. It's not rude to not invite guests you can't afford to pay for in full (provided SOs are invited together and minor siblings are not split up). Your FI needs to set boundaries with his mother and enforce appropriate negative consequences if she crosses them in the future.
    MesmrEweOurWildKingdomInLoveInQueens
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 7
    The answer is the same as the other post.  Nothing says you have to over-provide, and two kegs is not going to break your bank.  You're wanting craft brews on a Pabst Budget.  Two kegs is 400 glasses, plenty for everyone to have some provided 100% of your guest list is over 21.  

    The greater issue you need to consider is liability if you provide and not an insured vendor with a bartender who can/will cut people off if they overindulge.  I'm from WI, I get it, but that doesn't mean that you can't take protections like working with your insurance company on a social host/hostess policy.  Also, you need to check with your venue on THEIR policy when it comes to alcohol.  Here all of the places that allow events to bring it in (if not providing it themselves) require licensed/insured/bartender to do the serving.  It has to do with their insurance company's coverage, not their wanting to get extra money out of you or the like.  

    Next the MIL - She's not paying for these extra guests you already can't afford.  JS..  "Ye who pays gets a say!"  
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    OurWildKingdomshort+sassylevioosa
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I answered your previous post - yes it is totally rude to have guests pay for anything at your wedding.

    If you and your FI are paying for your wedding, your MIL has no say in the guest list. 300 is a ridiculously large wedding to have a small budget. I agree with PP that you either need to cut the list, have a breakfast wedding or cake&punch reception or wait a year or more to save money. There is no rule that you have to have alcohol or a sit down dinner at a wedding reception. The only thing you have to have is some type of food and drink to thank your guests for attending your ceremony.
    OurWildKingdomInLoveInQueensshort+sassy
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I answered on your other post, but this one has more info so I wanted to add...

    Tell your FI to tell his mom to go pound sand.  She does not get to reach into your all's wallets and decide that you all need to have this ginormous wedding of 300 people.  It will be very cost prohibitive.  Not just for food and beverages.  But it's that many more invites/decorations/other.

    If you need to cut that list down, it can be helpful to invite in "circles".  Like, no first cousins or maybe 1-2 that you all are especially close to.  Quite frankly, if you all want to just invite immediate family and maybe a few close friends,  that's fine also.  There is no etiquette rule that all these people of both your all's family needs to be invited.

    Since you mentioned you are both in college, I'm assuming you all are on the younger side.  Here is a huge piece of life advice.  Your (general you) wants are always going to be greater than your needs.  There will almost always be compromises needed.  The trick is to identify what you need vs. what you want vs. what you can live with, when a budget is involved.

    For example, you all want to get married in a few months and want to invite 300 people on a tight budget.  That's pretty much an oxymoron.  Even $75/guest, which needs to include everything (venue, food/drinks, decorations, invites, etc.), is going to rack up to over $22K. 

    So these are some compromises that others have mentioned.  Properly host your guests with a much cheaper idea, like a cake and punch reception at a NON meal time.  Cut your guest list.  Get married further in the future and save money.  Or a combo of some of those ideas. 
    Or - choose a more reasonable venue!  There is NOTHING wrong with the local KC/Lion's/AmVet/Legion/VFW/Moose Lodge/Elk's Club/restaurant with reception hall/etc. that is going to be a more affordable location than the fancy B&B, enchanted farm, etc. that you have to not only pay for the venue but rentals, etc. without a minute of catering/bartending!
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    OurWildKingdom
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    As I said on ALL the other posts, you are going about this completely backwards.

    Set a budget.  Establish a guest list.  Determine whether you will host many people for a reasonable/modest/lovely event or a smaller/more intimate/extensive event.  Find a venue for the ceremony and reception that can accommodate your guest list and budget.

    If you are paying for the wedding entirely, then do not share any details of it until you and your FI have locked in your decisions.  Invite your guest list and let those whom you invite decide whether it is worthy of their attendance.  That is not on you.  That is on your guests to determine whether they will be proper guests for a properly hosted wedding.
    InLoveInQueensOurWildKingdom
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