Students

Budgeting

My fiancé and I will both graduate with our bachelors 7 weeks before the wedding. He is contracting with the Army so our date is set around his schedule. I am starting nursing school a couple of months after our wedding with aspirations of being a nurse practitioner. I'm not wanting to spend a ridiculous amount of money on our wedding and one cost cutting option we have is allowing the venue to serve the alcohol and charge $2 per drink to offset the overall cost. I have gotten so much backlash about a cash bar (which they accept cards too so it's not just cash) but in all honesty, why is it considered so "tacky" or "rude?" All weddings I've been to in the U.K. have cash bars and it's normal there. Will people really be that upset if they have to pay a couple dollars for a drink?

Re: Budgeting

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My fiancé and I will both graduate with our bachelors 7 weeks before the wedding. He is contracting with the Army so our date is set around his schedule. I am starting nursing school a couple of months after our wedding with aspirations of being a nurse practitioner. I'm not wanting to spend a ridiculous amount of money on our wedding and one cost cutting option we have is allowing the venue to serve the alcohol and charge $2 per drink to offset the overall cost. I have gotten so much backlash about a cash bar (which they accept cards too so it's not just cash) but in all honesty, why is it considered so "tacky" or "rude?" All weddings I've been to in the U.K. have cash bars and it's normal there. Will people really be that upset if they have to pay a couple dollars for a drink?
    This is the THIRD post you have asked regarding charging your guests for beverages.  The answers all remain the same.  You do NOT charge guests.  YOU are the host.
    InLoveInQueenslevioosashort+sassy
  • MobKaz said:
    My fiancé and I will both graduate with our bachelors 7 weeks before the wedding. He is contracting with the Army so our date is set around his schedule. I am starting nursing school a couple of months after our wedding with aspirations of being a nurse practitioner. I'm not wanting to spend a ridiculous amount of money on our wedding and one cost cutting option we have is allowing the venue to serve the alcohol and charge $2 per drink to offset the overall cost. I have gotten so much backlash about a cash bar (which they accept cards too so it's not just cash) but in all honesty, why is it considered so "tacky" or "rude?" All weddings I've been to in the U.K. have cash bars and it's normal there. Will people really be that upset if they have to pay a couple dollars for a drink?
    This is the THIRD post you have asked regarding charging your guests for beverages.  The answers all remain the same.  You do NOT charge guests.  YOU are the host.
    Again, as I said on various other posts, if you don't have anything constructive to say then please keep your rude comments to yourself. If I choose to post on these forums asking for advice, then I may do so because that is their purpose. Thanks!
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MobKaz said:
    My fiancé and I will both graduate with our bachelors 7 weeks before the wedding. He is contracting with the Army so our date is set around his schedule. I am starting nursing school a couple of months after our wedding with aspirations of being a nurse practitioner. I'm not wanting to spend a ridiculous amount of money on our wedding and one cost cutting option we have is allowing the venue to serve the alcohol and charge $2 per drink to offset the overall cost. I have gotten so much backlash about a cash bar (which they accept cards too so it's not just cash) but in all honesty, why is it considered so "tacky" or "rude?" All weddings I've been to in the U.K. have cash bars and it's normal there. Will people really be that upset if they have to pay a couple dollars for a drink?
    This is the THIRD post you have asked regarding charging your guests for beverages.  The answers all remain the same.  You do NOT charge guests.  YOU are the host.
    Again, as I said on various other posts, if you don't have anything constructive to say then please keep your rude comments to yourself. If I choose to post on these forums asking for advice, then I may do so because that is their purpose. Thanks!
    You ARE getting advice.  Each and every poster has given you the same answer.  You host the wedding you can properly afford to host.  Your personal factors are not relevant.  The way to not "spend a ridiculous amount of money on a wedding", is to host a smaller, simpler wedding.  YOU have the absolute control.  It is not the responsibility of your guests to supplement any part of the cost of YOUR wedding.

    For someone that tosses the word "rude" out so freely on these boards, even though not warranted, if would be YOU as a host being rude to your guests if you ask them to subsidize any part of your wedding.  Not getting the validation you want is not being rude.  It is being honest.  That is what most people come to these forums to get....honest answers because more often than not friends and family won't be honest as they do not want to hurt your feelings.  Keep asking for advice.  When the same answer is given on three posts, however, it does not seem as if you are truly seeking advice.  
    InLoveInQueensMesmrEweaisfora86
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MobKaz said:
    My fiancé and I will both graduate with our bachelors 7 weeks before the wedding. He is contracting with the Army so our date is set around his schedule. I am starting nursing school a couple of months after our wedding with aspirations of being a nurse practitioner. I'm not wanting to spend a ridiculous amount of money on our wedding and one cost cutting option we have is allowing the venue to serve the alcohol and charge $2 per drink to offset the overall cost. I have gotten so much backlash about a cash bar (which they accept cards too so it's not just cash) but in all honesty, why is it considered so "tacky" or "rude?" All weddings I've been to in the U.K. have cash bars and it's normal there. Will people really be that upset if they have to pay a couple dollars for a drink?
    This is the THIRD post you have asked regarding charging your guests for beverages.  The answers all remain the same.  You do NOT charge guests.  YOU are the host.
    Again, as I said on various other posts, if you don't have anything constructive to say then please keep your rude comments to yourself. If I choose to post on these forums asking for advice, then I may do so because that is their purpose. Thanks!
    I don't know how much more constructive this can be. IT'S RUDE TO CHARGE YOUR GUESTS. 

    It doesn't matter how many times you reword it or ask on different boards. Repeating the same question over and over is not constructive, and it doesn't change the answer. It's still extremely rude to charge your guests for anything. 
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited April 2019
    I can't speak for what goes on in the UK. In the states, cash bars are rude and tacky. Those are facts. 
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Just because you don’t like what you’re hearing doesn’t mean it’s rude. But you know what is rude? Cash bars. Your guests have taken the time to attend your wedding. They have traveled, gotten a gift, potentially used vacation time. The reception is a thank you to your guests for attending. The least you can do is to host properly. That means a seat for every butt, meals if the event is at a meal time, and under no circumstance should they have to open their wallet to pay for anything. A dry wedding is fine. But if you prioritize alcohol and want it at your wedding you cannot ask your guests to subsidize that cost. 

    I haven’t seen @LondonLisa for a little bit, but I know that she can vouch for the fact that cash bars in the UK are still rude. Just because you’ve been to several doesn’t mean it’s okay. 


    image
    short+sassycharlotte989875InLoveInQueensaisfora86
  • Here is an analogy as to why cash bars are rude.  Would you invite a group of friends to a dinner party in your home and then charge them $2-$5 for each glass of wine they drank?  If not (and I hope not), that is exactly what you would be doing at your reception.

    Your reception is an event you and your FI are hosting.  A reception is literally a thank-you to your guests for coming to your wedding.  But it isn't as much of a thank-you if they are paying for a portion of it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    charlotte989875ei34sparklepants41
  • It’s not so much that people will be upset (although some will be. I’d be annoyed for sure) it’s that you’re inciting them to see you get married and to thank them (i.e. the reception) you’re charging them money (doesn’t matter if it’s physical cask, a credit card, Venmo, etc) to as you said off set the cost of the party you’re hosting to thank them for coming. 

    Weddings can be expensive and budgeting is hard. But there are many ways to cut down costs (and people here will be thrilled to help you with those ideas!) but asking your guests to pay for the party is not one of them. 
    ei34short+sassy
  • ei34ei34 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You keep asking the same question, worded differently.  Cut your guest list down to the number of people you can afford to graciously host.
    InLoveInQueens
  • I think you want "advice" that tells you to go ahead and do what you want, but what you want is rude.
    MesmrEwe
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