I am a young woman (23) who recently moved out of state with her boyfriend (21) after graduating college and accepting a job. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him. It took him a while to find a job in our area. That did not bother me considering he battles a mixture of depression and anxiety that makes some work difficult. He has finally found a job delivering pizzas, which seems to suit him well. There is one problem: He insists on calling me every time he delivers a pizza and is in his car (about once or twice an hour). At first, I didn’t mind the chats and used it as a way to help him feel more comfortable. Now, I cannot stand them. I almost loathe every time he calls. I don’t like talking on the phone and hate trying to carry a conversation. I also really like the alone time I’ve gotten since he started working again. I have had conversations with him about calling so much, explaining that I want time alone and I am not always up to talking on the phone after my own demanding job.
It gets complicated because I do spend a decent amount of my time playing games. Most of these people in gaming communities are male, and I often struggle to find people I enjoy talking to because of rampant sexism. Recently I have found a community that is diverse, friendly, and actively anti-sexist. I found this community about a week before he started this new job, and therefore at the same time I have been spending more time talking to them. So when I bring up to my boyfriend I do not enjoy talking on the phone that often, he keeps insisting it is because I would rather talk to them. He has also been increasingly jealous of this community to the point where he has gone through my private chat messages. Of course there was nothing there, and he apologized, but he is still feeling anxious and jealous.
What I really want to do is find a good balance between talking to him but also protecting my own alone time and friendships. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I am suffocated right now every time he calls, but I don’t enjoy hurting him when I choose to decline the call to occasionally do something alone or talk to others.
—Let’s Talk Later