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Wedding Woes

This is just sad all around

Dear Prudence,

My parents are in their 70s. My father was verbally and emotionally abusive (when he wanted to punish me, he would “cut me off” for weeks or months at a time and not acknowledge me). I decided I didn’t want to have anything to do with him. My mother has always been loving and supportive. Now, my parents appear to be deteriorating, and so is their home. They have a broken oil heater, the roof is covered in moss and leaks, and a lot of the exterior wood of their house is rotted. My cousins, my aunt, and anyone who knows my mom have been begging her to move out, especially since she has a slow-growing stage 4 cancer.

However, my mother won’t do anything unless my father does it. But my father doesn’t want to move out, because my mother says that if they do, she wants to live by herself. I am beside myself—for once, my father was making sense and talking about selling (to my aunt and my mother), but now my mom has shut it down, since my mother is my father’s only companion. As a result, they are in the worst of all worlds: My mom is in an unsafe, deteriorating house with my father, whom she claims not to want to live with. Wouldn’t it be better to at least be in a safe, roomy condo? I don’t know what to do. My lawyer sister says state or county intervention is impossible unless someone is “running down the street naked.”

Re: This is just sad all around

  • Is lawyer sister someone who understands estate planning and power of attorney?    This is so sad but I am wondering what can take place here.

    Also, if mom is needing medical care then at some point eventually can't the house be used if it's an asset for their care?  
    OurWildKingdom
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Call APS


    image
    OurWildKingdom
  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    I may be confused so let me try to make sure I got this - the father wanted to sell but then found out that his wife would leave him so is now refusing to sell in order to force her to stay with him?
    imageimage
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    kerbohl said:
    I may be confused so let me try to make sure I got this - the father wanted to sell but then found out that his wife would leave him so is now refusing to sell in order to force her to stay with him?
    That’s what I gathered.

     I agree with @levioosa and @banana468, get APS and an attorney involved.
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