• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Wedding Woes

So. Many. Questions.

Dear Prudence,

I live at home with my five siblings (I’m the oldest) and mom and dad. For about a year now my mom has been going through depression and mental health issues. One night at the dinner table, my mom said that I may be having an affair with my dad and that she cannot trust us being together alone in one room. It’s not true. Not only did my dad and I not see this coming, but neither did any of my other family members. We talked for hours explaining that this accusation made all of us very uncomfortable. I expressed how much I respect and love her and my dad way too much to ever do anything like that. I cried. My siblings cried. My dad cried. Nothing we said seemed to help. I decided to stay out of my parents’ way, especially my dad’s, to make her feel comfortable and to trust me.

Recently, I took a trip with my mom and my sisters to my country. It was great, and I had no issues with my mom. I even got married on that trip. My husband lives in that country and could not travel back with me, so I had to come back home alone with my mom and sisters. I thought things would be different after that trip and marriage. But as soon as we returned home, my mom started acting suspicious and said she still felt my dad and I were having an affair. I was devastated. I decided to stop speaking to my mom. My dad agreed with me and supports me on this decision. He has apologized for her behavior toward me and has expressed that he also struggles with this accusation. I cannot move away due to financial issues. I love my mother and want a relationship with her for myself and my future children, but I cannot take her accusing me of such behavior. I have not told anyone, even my husband, about this matter. I’m ashamed to bring it up. What can I do?

—Mom Thinks I’m Sleeping With Dad

Re: So. Many. Questions.

  • Move out today immediately. Live in a shelter if you have to. Why you married to someone but can’t move to live with him?
    OurWildKingdomcharlotte989875
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is really fucking weird and I don't even know what to say. 

    CharmedPamcharlotte989875sparklepants41
  • NowIAmSypNowIAmSyp East Hanover, NJ member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments First Answer
    There is so much backstory here and I am dying to know it...  especially the marriage part!  
    OurWildKingdomcharlotte989875MesmrEwe
  • So your mom has mental health issues and you are now married but your H can't come to where you live now and you can't move out and your mom thinks you're sleeping with your dad?? 

    Oh great googly moogly.

    Move out.   Find a job and get an efficiency or move to your H's country?  What is your long term plan for the marriage?? 

    And then talk to your dad about getting your mom some psychological help.   Because this is smacking of someone who is not dealing with reality and may need serious psychotherapy. 
    OurWildKingdomcharlotte989875short+sassysparklepants41
  • This whole thing is odd but piece by piece ...

    1 - I think LW's mom has had a psychotic break. She may need serious help and that should be addressed.

    2 - I'm guessing LW didn't think her new H couldn't move back and it may have been an impromptu wedding. Maybe LW should look at going there?

    3 - LW NEEDS TO JUST MOVE OUT

    4 - Again .... it sounds like the mother is having a serious mental break and needs to seek serious help.
    VarunaTTOurWildKingdomcharlotte989875MesmrEwe
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I feel like this is weirdly similar to a poster who used to post these horrible walls of text on chit chat about her awful abusive mother and ambivalent father. 
    charlotte989875climbingwife
  • banana468 said:
    So your mom has mental health issues and you are now married but your H can't come to where you live now and you can't move out and your mom thinks you're sleeping with your dad?? 

    Oh great googly moogly.

    Move out.   Find a job and get an efficiency or move to your H's country?  What is your long term plan for the marriage?? 

    And then talk to your dad about getting your mom some psychological help.   Because this is smacking of someone who is not dealing with reality and may need serious psychotherapy. 
    Bolded.
    Image result for great googly moogly maggie and the ferocious beast
  • She needs to find a way to move out of that house because it's quite clear that this problem isn't going away.  Has there been any attempt to get the mother psychiatric help? 

    This is definitely one of the weirdest advice column letters I have ever read. 

    image
    OurWildKingdomcharlotte989875short+sassy
  • The most important takeaway I have from this letter is please tell me the mother is getting psychiatric treatment.  That is such a bizarre, off-base accusation that it speaks volumes about the status of her mental health.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    OurWildKingdom
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Reading between the lines, mom's mental illness is way worse than LW is making it out to be, if this accusation is being thrown out and the family is dealing with it this way.  B/c if mom wasn't mentally ill, an accusation like this would be an epic throwdown and breaking of family, whether or not it ended up being true.  

    So, all the other mess aside, mom needs more help than she's getting.  I feel like there's some sort of cultural interplay going on here that I can't read right, but get mom more help and LW get into therapy to figure out this other stuff.
    charlotte989875OurWildKingdommrsconn23
  • VarunaTT said:
    Reading between the lines, mom's mental illness is way worse than LW is making it out to be, if this accusation is being thrown out and the family is dealing with it this way.  B/c if mom wasn't mentally ill, an accusation like this would be an epic throwdown and breaking of family, whether or not it ended up being true.  

    So, all the other mess aside, mom needs more help than she's getting.  I feel like there's some sort of cultural interplay going on here that I can't read right, but get mom more help and LW get into therapy to figure out this other stuff.
    Yeah - something is off here where the wedding is inserted and how the H isn't able to travel to be with his wife yet.  There's too much at play here and the accusation from mom without knowing anything else would have me armchair diagnosing her with some kind of paranoia related mental disorder. 
  • I agree that there is definitely a cultural component going on with LW stating she recently took a trip with her sisters and mother to "my country".

    I wonder if the mother is having early signs of Alzheimer or some other dementia.  Paranoia is often a symptom of those conditions.
    image
    OurWildKingdom
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    MNNEBride said:
    I agree that there is definitely a cultural component going on with LW stating she recently took a trip with her sisters and mother to "my country".

    I wonder if the mother is having early signs of Alzheimer or some other dementia.  Paranoia is often a symptom of those conditions.
    My guess is that it’s a citizenship or visa issue keeping LW and spouse from living together.
    ILoveBeachMusicMNNEBridecupcait927
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    That is what I thought too, @OurWildKingdom. I also thought that perhaps LW was adopted from another country since she referred to her country and not our country. Either way, mother needs psychiatric/psychological help.
    MNNEBrideOurWildKingdom
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    That is what I thought too, @OurWildKingdom. I also thought that perhaps LW was adopted from another country since she referred to her country and not our country. Either way, mother needs psychiatric/psychological help.
    Very observant! 

    OurWildKingdomMissKittyDanger
  • VarunaTT said:
      
    So, all the other mess aside, mom needs more help than she's getting.  I feel like there's some sort of cultural interplay going on here that I can't read right, but get mom more help and LW get into therapy to figure out this other stuff.
    Yes, I read it the same way.  Especially since LW is married and not living with her H, but doesn't explain why (not that we need an explanation, it just would help), but there's def something within their family culture or broader culture they belong to that's informing this whole situation. 

    VarunaTTOurWildKingdom
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards