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Pre-wedding Parties

Bridal Shower Help

My MOH asked for a guest list for the bridal shower. If I include my immediate family (mother, sisters, nieces, aunts, cousins) and close friends plus my fiancé's immediate family (mother, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, cousins) we are at around 50 people. My grandmothers have both passed away which is why they aren't listed here.

I don't know really any of my fiancé's aunts or cousins - do I invite them as a chance to meet them or is the wedding where that should happen? Do I need to include cousins on my dad's side of the family that I'm not as close to if I include those on my mom's side which I know a bit better?

This number of people just seems a bit large to me, but I'm not sure. What are everyone's thoughts? I don't want this to be some expensive ordeal for my MOH so I don't know if I should take some people off of the list before giving it to her. Thanks!

Re: Bridal Shower Help

  • My MOH asked for a guest list for the bridal shower. If I include my immediate family (mother, sisters, nieces, aunts, cousins) and close friends plus my fiancé's immediate family (mother, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, cousins) we are at around 50 people. My grandmothers have both passed away which is why they aren't listed here.

    I don't know really any of my fiancé's aunts or cousins - do I invite them as a chance to meet them or is the wedding where that should happen? Do I need to include cousins on my dad's side of the family that I'm not as close to if I include those on my mom's side which I know a bit better?

    This number of people just seems a bit large to me, but I'm not sure. What are everyone's thoughts? I don't want this to be some expensive ordeal for my MOH so I don't know if I should take some people off of the list before giving it to her. Thanks!
    I would ask your MOH how many people she is offering to host. That way you have a number to stick to. 

    I think some of it depends on your circle and dynamics; for my sisters shower I hosted one for our side and her FMIL hosted one for their side of the family. For my shower I was OOT from lol my guests so both sides wanted to do one together so it was a large shower (probably 50ish people). 
    sparklepants41ei34short+sassy
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My MOH asked for a guest list for the bridal shower. If I include my immediate family (mother, sisters, nieces, aunts, cousins) and close friends plus my fiancé's immediate family (mother, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, cousins) we are at around 50 people. My grandmothers have both passed away which is why they aren't listed here.

    I don't know really any of my fiancé's aunts or cousins - do I invite them as a chance to meet them or is the wedding where that should happen? Do I need to include cousins on my dad's side of the family that I'm not as close to if I include those on my mom's side which I know a bit better?

    This number of people just seems a bit large to me, but I'm not sure. What are everyone's thoughts? I don't want this to be some expensive ordeal for my MOH so I don't know if I should take some people off of the list before giving it to her. Thanks!
    Are all of these extended family members local? 

    Personally I think you're fine to just keep it to close relatives. 

    charlotte989875
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    First and foremost, ask your MOH what number of guests she is comfortable hosting.  So much depends on who is helping her, the budget, and where she plans to host the shower.  For example, the majority of my daughter’s wedding party were life long friends.  It was very easy for me to speak with them and let them know I would be their “silent partner”, and offered to carry the majority of the expenses.  Without getting too involved, see if you can glean any information regarding this, but offer no input beyond giving them a guest list per their comfort level.
    I have hosted several showers.  My SIL had a small and local family, so for DD we hosted a joint shower.  We have also had separate showers for family where there were simply too many people.  No one took offense; it was clear the issue was one of numbers and nothing else.
    Finally, although you should always count on 100% attendance, the dynamics of those invitations may whittle that number down considerably. 
    charlotte989875sparklepants41ei34short+sassy
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    First, ask your MOH how many people she is comfortable hosting and start there. 50 people is a large shower, she may not be able to accommodate that many. 

    Once you have a number, start adding people in order of closeness. Immediate family is parents and siblings, then start with extended family like aunts and cousins. Start with the ones you are close to and work out to the ones you aren't as close to. There is no requirement or expectation to invite extended family members that you aren't close to. While it's generally expected to invite your FI's immediate family even if you don't know them well, it would probably seem strange to invite FI's extended family members that you don't really know. 
    charlotte989875short+sassy
  • CasadenaCasadena member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    Agree with PP's that you should first ask you MOH how many ppl she is comfortable hosting.  I personally think 50 is too many and would pare it down to close friends and relatives who are local.
    InLoveInQueensshort+sassy
  • First, ask your MOH how many people she is comfortable hosting and start there. 50 people is a large shower, she may not be able to accommodate that many. 

    Once you have a number, start adding people in order of closeness. Immediate family is parents and siblings, then start with extended family like aunts and cousins. Start with the ones you are close to and work out to the ones you aren't as close to. There is no requirement or expectation to invite extended family members that you aren't close to. While it's generally expected to invite your FI's immediate family even if you don't know them well, it would probably seem strange to invite FI's extended family members that you don't really know. 
    I'm glad I'm not the only one who consider immediate family as parents and siblings, lol.

    No snark whatsoever directed at you, OP.  I was just super surprised when you included aunts and cousins in the "immediate family" category.

    Like the other PPs have mentioned, you need to talk to your MOH and find out how many people she is comfortable hosting.  If she is picturing inviting 20 people, than those are the parameters you need to stay in.

    Depending on that count, you can invite in "circles".  If there isn't enough room to invite all the cousins, then don't invite any of them.  I also don't think the "circles" need to extend to your FI's family.

    I'd also stick to invites for local family/friends.  Never say never, but I wouldn't think most people would travel far for a bridal shower.  For example, I wasn't invited to my sister's bridal shower.  I assume because I live half the country away from her.  And she assumed...correctly, lol...that I would not fly out for that.
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    MyNameIsNot
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    First, ask your MOH how many people she is comfortable hosting and start there. 50 people is a large shower, she may not be able to accommodate that many. 

    Once you have a number, start adding people in order of closeness. Immediate family is parents and siblings, then start with extended family like aunts and cousins. Start with the ones you are close to and work out to the ones you aren't as close to. There is no requirement or expectation to invite extended family members that you aren't close to. While it's generally expected to invite your FI's immediate family even if you don't know them well, it would probably seem strange to invite FI's extended family members that you don't really know. 
    I'm glad I'm not the only one who consider immediate family as parents and siblings, lol.

    No snark whatsoever directed at you, OP.  I was just super surprised when you included aunts and cousins in the "immediate family" category.

    Like the other PPs have mentioned, you need to talk to your MOH and find out how many people she is comfortable hosting.  If she is picturing inviting 20 people, than those are the parameters you need to stay in.

    Depending on that count, you can invite in "circles".  If there isn't enough room to invite all the cousins, then don't invite any of them.  I also don't think the "circles" need to extend to your FI's family.

    I'd also stick to invites for local family/friends.  Never say never, but I wouldn't think most people would travel far for a bridal shower.  For example, I wasn't invited to my sister's bridal shower.  I assume because I live half the country away from her.  And she assumed...correctly, lol...that I would not fly out for that.
    If you really want an out of town person there, I would invite them. The invitee makes the decision whether or not to attend. I've had cases where an OOT invitee attended even though no one expected her to do so. 
    charlotte989875banana468
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